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Canonical List of Famous Last Words

(Roleplaying : Fantasy and SF)

Hundreds of brave characters lost their lives during thousands of roleplaying
sessions leaving us their last words. We'll never forget them. Rest In Peace.

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0001-"Let's go in."

0002-"Let's not go in."

0003-"I follow them."

0004-"I stab the dragon and tell it to get off me."

0005-"I drink the bottle marked POISON on the off-chance that it's the
     extra-healing potion."

0006-"I kill it."

0007-"Let me handle this."

0008-"Whaddya mean, a pentagram only has FIVE sides?"

0009-"What a useless scroll. It just says, HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR over and over again..."

0010-"Click?? ...This doesn't come with ammo?"

0011-"Why is your torch flame turning blue?"

0012-"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH"

0013-"Trust me."

0014-"I never get lost."

0015-(A corridor ahead is full of brown mold)
    "I cast Fireball down the hall, then send my fire elemental to investigate."

0016-"Dammit, this thing won't die!"

0017-a)"I bet without Mjolnir you're a real wuss."
    b)"He looks like a wuss to me."

0018-"He hit me for HOW MUCH?????"

0019-"They're only kobolds!"

0020-"Hey, this chest just bit me!"

0021-"I try to move silently in plate armor..."

0022-"I didn't find any traps !!"

0023-"Wonder what this button does ?"

0024-"Don't worry, he is probably just first level."

0025-"This 250' wall has so many holes, it should be easy to climb."

0026-"I'll just close my eyes and walk up to the dracolisk holding up my mirror"

0027-"Can I eat this green slime?"

0028-"I'll just walk up to the dragon invisibly"

0029-"Why is this man speaking in sign language?"

0030-"This type of undead can't drain levels"

0031-"I'll open the door, sneak up on him from behind and backstab him!"

0032-"We are in luck! The dragon is sleeping"

0033-"That's only a statue"

0034-"There is no trap on the door, so let's open it"

0035-"Look, behind you!!!"  Said by a gnome(pc) to an ogre as a disliked
     partymember crept up.  End of the other member.

0036-"I have this dungeon at home, I know where everything is!"

0037-"Don't worry, the DM won't hose me"

0038-"We'll untie the prisoners and lock them in the closet."

0039-"Why can't we take Clarissa (Disguised evil high priestess) with us?"

0040-"How much will you give me for this idol I found (cursed)?"

0041-"I'm not powerful enough, can't you just give me second level."

0042-"Don't I get the farie fire bonus on my parry."

0043-Star Wars:"Stormtroopers can't hit a Wampa at this dist..."

0044-Traveller:"Who took the battery out of my grav belt?"

0045-"They're wearing blue robes?  They must be Druids.  Roll for
     initiative, suckers."(At which point the polymorphed Bone Devils ate him.)

0046-"I see HOW MANY wights?!"  (from the crypts of Ravenloft)

0047-"Don't worry, wyvern don't attack unless they're provoked."

0048-"You watch the door, I'll take out the Gas Spore (Beholder) that's
     guarding the treasure."

0049-"A Nightmare, huh?  I'll attack for one round and prepare to run."

0050-"I'll take off my armor so I'm silent and slip past the dragon."

0051-"They need a twenty to hit me, I'm invincible"

0052-"Don't worry sir, we can handle it."

0053-"I bet that without Mjolnir you're a real wimp."

0054-NPC: "Lets drop our weapons and talk."
    PC : "Okay!"

0055-"We killed all monsters on this level."

0056-"I've been here before. There are no traps in this section."

0057-"What do you mean 18 meter long crocodile--you just said crocodile."

0058-"Well ...., I'll touch it again"

0059-"I attempt to disbelieve"

0060-"I cast a fireball" (into a 10'x10'x10' room)

0061-"I know if I draw a card I'll get the VOID."

0062-GM:"You're very lucky, you all don't know how lucky you are! Save or
    take 210 points of damage"

0063-GM:"You don't get your +5 for being a dwarf, because it's special bodak power"

0064-" It's OK, I trust her..." ... *BOOM!!!!!!*

0065-"Stand back, you wimps.  I'll kill it."

0066-"Ah, shit."

0067-"OK! I moon the Balrog!"

0068-"My first arrow MISSED the magic-user pointing at me?? OK, I shoot again!"

0069-"Where'd that thief go now?"

0070-"Trap? What trap?"

0071-"So what?"

0072-"Don't be silly.  If this was really the ship's "Self-Destruct Button",
     do you think they'd leave it lying around where anyone could press it?"

0073-"Hmmm...the sign on the door says, "AIRLOCK".  I wonder what's inside."

0074-"You're all a bunch of wimps!!  I'll prove to you myself that an entire orc
     stronghold is no match for your average barbarian."

0075-"All right, we're in an unexplored dungeon in total darkness with no
     light sources or infravision...Hey, I know!!  Let's yell and scream a lot so
     we can locate each other by sound!!"

0076-"I'm going to kill our captives anyway, and I don't give a damn whether the
     other goody-good PC's like it or not."

0077-"Y'know, since our druid's been so obnoxious, it would probably serve him right
     if we set his precious forest on fire."

0078-"A clever bluff, Agent N42, but not clever enough.  You see, right away I recognized
     your `pistol' as a cleverly disguised cigarette lighter."

0079-"A creature with two BABOON heads on a scaly REPTILIAN body?  With
     TENTACLES for arms?  Hunh.  Must be some stupid wizard's magical construct.
     Let's kill it."

0080-"Yes, it's true I humiliated the DM in front of the debating team
     Wednesday, but he's much too broad-minded to take it out on my character."

0081-"OK, O Mighty Odin, as long as you're not gonna answer my prayers, I'm gonna tell
     ya what I REALLY think of ya!"

0082-"I drop through and expose myself to the arch-mage as a gesture of contempt."

0083-"Well, guys, I'm sorry my activities in the last town got us all tarred and
     feathered, but you're not going to hold that against me, are you?"

0084-"No, I'm sure there's some stipulation that says a disintegrate spell won't
     work if the spellcaster casts it on himself.  Here, I'll prove it."

0085-"Oops, I spilled flaming oil on my beard.  I'd better wash it off after
     we kill this fire lizard."

0086-"Well, we know he's LAWFUL evil, so he should keep his word when he
     promised not to betray us."

0087-"So I'm safely across the pit?  Whew!  For a minute there I was worried that
     you might remember my encumbrance penalties."

0088-"Well, as long as I've stumbled into Princess Savitra's bedroom, I might as
     well try to seduce her."

0089-"Thank God!! A hobgoblin camp up ahead!  Maybe they can help heal our wounded!"

0090-"Don't worry! The chances of me blowing a climb walls roll twice, at my level, are infinitesimal."

0091-"All right, I jump...Now on the way down, I activate my ring of feather fall...no, wait, didn't I lend it to Jim?"

0092-"So you're Tiamat, huh?  Are you evil?  Yes?  Would you like to convert?"

0093-"I cast a `gate' spell and gate in the Iraqi Air Force."

0094-"Well, *I* trust our party thief, and if he says this door isn't trapped,
     that's good enough for me."

0095-"Well, I didn't much like this character, anyway...Here goes nothing..."

0096-"I swing the Toxic Avenger's mop at the grenade so I can bat it across the
     room at the aliens...Wait!  Isn't that grenade Contact Fused ???"

0097-"All right, I guess Toronaga's right.  There can't possibly be
     anything on the other side of this airlock.  Why not open the damned thing."

0098-"Whistling sounds?  Naw, they can't have a grenade launcher!"

0099-"Okay, there's nothing guarding the bridge.  I go through the door and find
     the helm."

0100-"They can't possibly outflank us.  We have a multi-scanner!"

0101-"Come on!  Arrows versus Kevlar?"

0102-"What do you mean Tsu Han's pilotting the shuttle?  Does he even have Insystem Pilot?
     WHY ARE YOU SMILING AND SHAKING YOUR HEAD?"

0103-"So that giant fell into the pit?  I'll jump over it and get his treasure."

0104-"Oh, that sorceress looked a little pale when she examined the mirror which
     has the pentagram in front of it on the floor.  I think I'll break the mirror."

0105-"It's not trapped, you just want it to yourself."{He still got it for himself.}

0106-"Me first. Me first."

0107-"Dinosaur? Hey, no problem, right Balinor?"

0108-"You call yourself a barbarian, you son of a witch ?"

0109-To powerful demon:  "Try me sh*t breath!"

0110-To sleeping dragon: "Oops, sorry...didn't mean to disturb you."

0111-"Come on, we haven't found any traps so far."

0112-Ranger: "What do I see?"
    DM:"Do you remember the trap that killed Indy's guide in Raiders of
    the Lost Ark?"

0113-"Diamonds ... Gold... Sapphires !!! Terry! Terry, we're rich, we're
     rich, we're fabulously wealthy !!!!  ...Terry .....  Terry ??"

0114-"Let's walk this way."

0115-"Hey folks, follow me, I remember the way to the dungeon exit."(Lost)

0116-"I never get to have any fun!"

0117-"You mean they get to use the critical hit chart too?"

0118-"Hey, I know a dragon when I see one."

0119-"What do you mean the whole room we're in detects as a trap?"

0120-"Hey you! Frost Giant! How's the weather up there?"

0121-"Just watch, I bet I get the one item that's cursed."

0122-"I'm invincible!"

0123-"Don't worry.  I know what I'm doing!"

0124-"Stop!"

0125-"A sign labeled `pit'?  I walk up to it."

0126-"No problem.  That's easy!"

0127-"Hey, I found it.  I'm keeping it."

0128-"I think we'll have to reason with him."

0129-"Hah! I'm not dead yet.  I still have five hit points."

0130-"Oh, no.  We're being rescued.  How embarrassing!"

0131-"Yeah, I know it's dangerous, but think of the experience points."

0132-"I stand right underneath the Fire Giant and point my wand straight up."

0133-"Don't worry.  I've got a plan."

0134-"They can't see me.  I'm invisible!"

0135-"I wonder what's in here?"

0136-"He wouldn't try that trick again!" (Yes he would!)

0137-"My two mutations? ...But I've only one!"

0138-"Just because you're a dragon doesn't mean you can push ME around."

0139-"They don't look so tough."

0140-"I'm SURE there are no traps."

0141-GM: "FIVE...FOUR...THREE...TWO..."
    PC: "I look for the light switch."

0142-"What do you mean trolls regenerate!?!"

0143-"Here kitty, kitty, kitty..."

0144-"I'll open it."

0145-"It seems easy enough"

0146-"I think he can be trusted."

0147-"Those noises are probably nothing."

0148-"I'll pull the lever."

0149-"Money!"

0150-"Magic is for wimps."

0151-"Oh.  He'll miss.  Just look at my AC."

0152-"Oh no!  Let's go help them!"

0153-"Run away!"

0154-"I want to kill something."

0155-"All clear, guys."

0156-"Gummy werebears? They should be cake to kill once they turn human."

0157-"Wait a minute, didn't the old man say something about a curse?"

0158-"Hey, where'd all the big spiders come from?"

0159-"Okay, Ed, your underwear explodes!"

0160-"Bob, you have any grenades left? Throw me one..."

0161-"AGAIN!?!?!"

0162-"He shot out my eye? Okay, I tear out my other eye and throw it at him
     as a gesture of defiance."

0163-"I pull the metal ring out of the sphere."(Recognize a Holy Hand Grenade?)

0164-"This is a push-over dungeon."

0165-a)"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea."
    b)"I told him it was a bad idea."

0166-"I'll use my taunt skill."

0167-"Your mother was a Gully Dwarf."

0168-"My God will protect me."

0169-"You wouldn't dare!"

0170-"Hey, we're out! We're safe!"

0171-"I'll try it on."

0172-"C'mon!  We're a team!"

0173-"You don't look like a mage!"

0174-"It'd be stupid to trap this!"

0175-"I'll kick the door in!"

0176-"It could be dangerous!"

0177-"Here, hold this rope while I go down."

0178-a)"I thought you brought the food!"
    b)"I thought you brought the antidote!"

0179-"Well, if you didn't belch, who did?"

0180-"Isn't there anything exciting in this dungeon?" (said to GM)

0181-"Uh guys? Hello? Anyone?"

0182-"Dragons give you a lot of Exp."

0183-"I know an illusion when I see one."

0184-"Who's the bitch with the spiders?" (ahhh! the infamous Lloth)

0185-"I sit on the pale lady with the funny teeth." (Ahhh! the infamous vampire)

0186-"Mysterious shadows in the room? I'm not scared --- you can't spook me!"

0187-"There's a smell of gas, huh? Well, my lantern is hooded. It ought to be
     safe."

0188-"Take off my armor and try to swim? Forget it --- I worked hard to get this
     +3 plate mail. Besides, the DM never lets anyone die --- he wouldn't
     let me drown, would he?"

0189-"I cast a lightning bolt at the ochre jelly."

0190-"Lightning bolts don't ricochet off stone walls, do they?"

0191-"A ballista? What's that? How many dice of damage does it do?"
    {Twenty.It's like a crossbow, only MUCH larger.}

0192-"So what if he calls the guard? A backwater town like this can't have
     a very big militia."

0193-"Only six inches long? Ha... Wait, you don't mean six _scale_ inches,
     do you?" {said in miniature-figures-game. Character itself was 3/4" high.}

0194-"...and then I... Uh, guys? Why are looking at me like that? Guys?"
     {After using a spell called "Polymorph Other" }

0195-"What do you mean, `It doesn't work' ?" {Item with no more charges left.}

0196-"Oh these, I've fought them before..."

0197-"Then I'll hit him back!" {spoken at the start of a bar brawl.}

0198-"I'm bored..."

0199-"Quick!  What did that scroll say ?"

0200-"How did he disappear like that ?" {About a hostile warrior with a ring
     of invisibility and two attacks per round.}

0201-"I'll try to pick his pockets." {Pockets belonged to a level 30 mage.}

0202-"Maybe we should just kill him."

0203-"Read it to me." {It was a fireball scroll.}

0204-"You mean there's more ?" {About undead which entered the room}

0205-"MAGIC ITEMS!"

0206-"He looks like a sunburnt elf?  Huh."

0207-"I'll light a fire." (In the woods at night (attracted bears)}

0208-"You'd have to be a GOD to smile after that hit!"

0209-GM:"You DID take the swimming skill?" (to a player when character fell
       overboard.)

0210-"I'll stand guard." (Didn't want to enter orc cave. Orcs were out. Orcs
     came back.)

0211-"What do you mean I hear water?" {in a tunnel}

0212-"I bar the door!" {Door opened outward.}

0213-"I'll cover you!"

0214-"Take out a Beholder's eyes, and Bingo!"

0215-"I can't possibly miss..."

0216-"Don't worry, I can hit him! I can hit him!"

0217-"Shut up, bird!" {to a parrot who happened to be repeating the True Name of
     a demon which subsequently exterminated the party}

0218-"But he has to be our friend!"

0219-"How would you like to have this sword?"

0220-NPC:"Take this ring as a token of my esteem." {This party no longer accepts
  gifts from unknown NPC's.}

0221-PLAYER:"BEGONE THINGS OF EVIL!!!"  REPLY:"Begone thing of good."

0222-"I go through the door... Wait, I check for traps!"

0223-"Don't be silly. That kind of monster NEVER follows you."

0224-"I run up to the monster, throw my magic net over it, and try to take the
     jewel from around its neck." {But nets don't stop creatures from biting.}

0225-"Hmmm... odd-colored walls. Well, I touch one." {turned to stone}

0226-"I wonder what the black-and-yellow striped ring above the seat does?"
     {Ejection Seat. No atmosphere and no vacc-suit.}

0227-"What do you mean, vacc-suit proficiency? I thought it was perfectly
     straightforward, like wearing clothes..."
     [From a character attempting to fight hand-to-hand in one.]

0228-"But the directions SAID to `pull pin and throw' !"
        [From a beautifully role-played traveller character from a non-
         technological world. He was given a scout ship survival pack,
         which among other gimcracks, contained concussion grenades.
         When he got in trouble, of course, he pulled the pin out of
         one and threw it ("it" being the pin, naturally)...]

0229-"Uh, what does 'explosive decompression' mean?"

0230-"Why the hell do you always put `Graf' before your name? Is that this
     backward planet's equivalent of `Duke' or something?"

0231-"Don't worry - I have Pilot-7."

0232-"What do you mean `energy weapons are illegal' ?"

0233-"DO NOT OPEN"

0234-"Easy kill."

0235-"I've got you now!"

0236-"Is this one really able to breath fire?"

0237-"Trust me. I know what I'm doing"

0238-"I open the door and see who it is." {in response to a knock on the door}

0239-"I jump off the roof - He won't get my last HP then."

0240-"Oh cute!  Look at the fuzzy little cubs!"

0241-"Your armor is too noisy.  Wait here and I'll scout ahead."

0242-"I explain to the ogre that it was an honest mistake."

0243-"Oh, he puts those in all of his dungeons.  It's a gas spore."

0244-"Hubba hubba!  The nymph's taking off her clothes!"

0245-"Whoever did this must be long gone by now."

0246-"Easy, boy.  What's this stupid horse's problem?"

0247-"You mean ...  this ... is the last ... torch?"

0248-"Oh don't worry.  The poisonous ones have orange stripes."

0249-"I really didn't know it was against the law."

0250-"You racist!  They're elves.  So what if they're black?"

0251-"This flickering torch light is playing tricks on my eyes.  It almost
     seemed as though that chest moved by itself."

0252-"Demogorgon?  Great!  Do you know how many XP he's worth?"

0253-"What's the duration of this Fly spell?"

0254-"I don't understand.  It should be dead by now."

0255-"Finally!  I thought that troll would never die."

0256-"If we look brave and fearless, they won't attack."

0257-"I'de feel better if we had some crampons.  Oh, what the hell, let's go
     for it."

0258-"I wouldn't worry about the thieves' guild -- they don't have a clue who
     did it."

0259-"Aha!  So you're the [killer/spy/vampire]!"

0260-"It doesn't look very fast; we can easily swim across."

0261-"While they're fighting the dragon, I sneak around behind him and examine
     his hoard."

0262-"I wish we had a 10 foot pole.  Oh well."

0263-"Ha ha ha!  Let's put bookworms in his spell research library."

0264-"I rolled a 20.  How could that be a miss?"

0265-"I've got plenty of spells; I don't need to carry a weapon."

0266-"I'm heir to the crown.  They wouldn't dare!"

0267-"Don't you understand?  The odds will be even.  If we can't see them, they
     can't see us."

0268-"Who's bringing up the rear?"

0269-"It's only one wight.  The others are just ghouls."

0270-"But [longbows/match locks/nuclear weapons] haven't been invented yet..."

0271-"Look, I don't care what you think of her, or her "demonic smile."  She's
     hot to trot.  So, if you'll excuse us..."

0272-"I've got better things to do than run your petty errands, your highness."

0273-"What?!  I thought you said fifTEEN kobolds."

0274-"It'll be a short ocean voyage.  One week's worth of food and water will be
     enough."

0275-"I won't fall in; I just want a better look at what's down there."

0276-"Ochre jelly?  Ok, everyone, break out the bread and the peanut butter."

0277-"Quit clowning around.  Look, whichever one of you is doing that, it's not
     funny."

0278-"Hey!  Where's my components?"

0279-"For some reason I had always imagined that bugbears were somewhat smaller."

0280-"A trap?  That's exactly what we're supposed to expect.  I think this DM is
     more imaginative than that."

0281-"After what we took, he won't be able to afford an assassin."

0282-"They're usually not aggressive.  If we leave it alone, it'll leave us
     alone."

0283-"Wanna see my new spell?"

0284-"Something's wrong with my d20."

0285-"That was no healing potion!  I'm gonna kill that swindler!"

0286-"Ha!  That's the oldest trick in the book."

0287-"Hey, Bill, cast a Detect Invisibility, quick.  Bill.  Bill?  Where's Bill?"

0288-"Cover me."

0289-"I think it's asleep."

0290-"Look at the size of those tracks!"

0291-"Can you make out this next rune?  It looks like someone spilled coffee on
     this scroll."

0292-"..23..24..Well, that's the last of his arrows." (Has a Quiver of Ehlona)

0293-"Watch this."

0294-"Well, if I remember correctly, it's AC 7, 3+1 HD, 1d8 damage.  Hmm..."
    <scribble> <scribble>
    "I should defeat him around the 4th round and still have
     about 12.5 hit points left.  Ok, let's rock!"

0295-"No problem!  I'll just cast a ... whoops, I forgot.  I'm just 2nd level,
     aren't I?"

0296-"Did you see that guy's head?  I wonder what did this."

0297-"Damned be him who first cries, 'Hold, enough!'"

0298-"If you cut me down, I will only become more powerful."

0299-"Zoinks! I sure hope that's just Scooby behind me."

0300-"I ain't afraid of no ghost."

0301-"Geez, I'm kind of low on funds.  Ok, I'll take 500 gp for the healing
     potion."

0302-"I bet it's just an illusion."

0303-"Well, at least I tried...?"

0304-"It's only an illusionary red dragon!"

0305-"I'll attempt to patch it up." {...finding a hole in the cargo bay of the
     the orbital shuttle}

0306-"I'll cut the red wire."

0307-"Hey, I'll try to hide in shadows." {Room full of Shadows(kind of monster
     in AD&D)}

0308-a)"I cast a powerball." {inside an elevator}
    b)"I shoot him with my laser." {inside a crowded elevator}

0309-"I cast a hellblast." {at a gas station}

0310-"Let's blow open the airlock."

0311-"I jump from our car into theirs."

0312-"YOU are the UGLIEST guy I've ever seen." {to an 8 foot tall troll}

0313-"What do you mean 'the bullets are just bouncing off'!"

0314-"O.K. pal, take your best shot."

0315-"Let's rush them."

0316-"There's no way they'll ever find us."

0317-"What could possibly go wrong?"

0318-"Him? What is HE doing here? I thought we killed him!"

0319-"I throw a grenade at them." {in the middle of a weapons storehouse}

0320-"Guys, I'm out of ammo."

0321-"I tackle her." {She was a wolf shapeshifter in human form}

0322-"Dragon? What dragon?"

0323-"I shoot a missile at one of the wasps."

0324-"Does anybody in the group have Doc Wagon?"

0325-"A juggernaught? What the hell's a juggernaught?"

0326-"Get him!"

0327-"I give him the finger..."

0328-"He has a threat rating of WHAT ?"

0329-"Guys, there's some giant bugs in the hallway."

0330-"Do you think it's a toxic spirit?"

0331-"What's with that weirdo with the teeth?"

0332-"I put my AK97 under my coat and go to the subway."

0333-"How many teeth does it have?" {character used to make chains of the
     teeth of his dead opponents}

0334-"'Brak'? That's a stupid name for a barbarian!"

0335-"Blue, no...wait, Yellow! Aaaaarghhhh" {to a bridgekeeper}

0336-"Shit, it's a minefield, leggit !!!"

0337-"Call me Kregor the Undying!"

0338-"Let's split."

0339-"They will flee in terror from my <name of Assault Mech Class>"

0340-"Feel like surrendering ?"

0341-"Give you my T.O.&E ?! Figure it out yourself..."

0342-"It's only infantry."

0343- while rolling dices "Please God, not an ammo explosion..."

0344-"Stupid fool. Tried to scare me by firing LRMs at my feet. I charge
     right at him."  {character standing in a minefield}

0345-"Sure you can use the LRM Carrier platoon in this scenario ."

0346-"Airstrike? Sure.....But I get one too."

0347-"I'll hide my ship near the planet's ring." {which is where several hundred
     nuclear missile-equipped automated battlesats were hidden}

0348-"That's an interesting headband you're wearing pilot Smith."
    {kamikaze headband}

0349-"I'm sure reinforcements will get here on time. They promised."

0350-"Say, what's that red dot on your forehead?"  {laser sight}

0351-"I'm a vampire. No mortal can kill me."

0352-"What a stupid 'bot." {It was a hunter-killer drone}

0353-"Jamming at full power, they'll never scan through that!!"
     {enemy used anti-radiation missiles}

0354-"What kind of idiot would set boobytraps in his own home?"

0355-"No, I wasn't reading the module. I was just looking at the pictures."

0356-"Black Ice in Mom and Pop's Grocery?!" {front for money launderers}

0357-"Funny, doesn't *look* like a cyberpsycho...."  {but it was one}

0358-"Corporate geek, huh? I throw my beer on his fancy suit!"
     {Arasaka exec with bodyguards nearby}

0359-"No security force is *that* fast responding."

0360-"I have a very bad feeling about this."

0361-"I'm sure they didn't trace me."

0362-"I throw the grenade..." (Onto a porch less than ten feet away)

0363-"We'll let him fire the mortar, he's not to good with a gun."

0364-"Um... I charge the machine gun nest."

0365-"I think I'll rob that place."

0366-"Naah. He's the DM, he never kills PCs."

0367-"I turn the red gem so that the little carving points right at the one on
     the wall above it. Then I rotate the  ..."

0368-"No, you idiot, they can't hear us crawling around out here!"
     {yelled to another PC}

0369-"So they have a tank...big deal! I have an M-16!!! I can kill it."

0370-"What do you mean they threw it back ?"

0371-"There is only two left..."

0372-"No, sir. We're gonna protect this fire base. They won't get past us...
     ...Arc Light ?!?! What do you mean the B-52s are on their way ???"
     {after being ordered to evacuate a camp that will be attacked in four
      hours}

0373-"Switch to 2nd Edition? Okay, what the hell..."

0374-"Do something, SCHMUCK !"

0375-"Hey, wow, something that really DOES 'go bump in the night' !"

0376-One of these must be the right one...just start pushing buttons at random,
    we'll hit it."

0377-"In my present mood I could cast 'Speak with Dead' and talk to myself."

0378-"Oh, that's just a light wound."
    "Ach, is doch nur 'ne Fleischwunde..." {in German}

0379-DM: "You know you're 6' high and sitting on a 3' high horse in a saddle
 designed to keep you from falling. Now you're charging at full speed
 into a 7' high cave. What are you going to do ?"
    PC: "Hit my head on the cave roof ?!" {He took a *lot* of damage...}

0380-"I just HAVE to know what that magic trap(/item) does."

0381-"Oh, that bat's not much of a problem." {playing ULTIMA Underworld}

0382-"Let me have this stupid skeleton with my two-handed sword."

0383-"I tell the guard to go fuck himself, but I say it in a nice way."

0384-"I wish all these bloody things were dead." {spoken by a PC wearing a ring
     of wishes (he didn't know about), the entire party was wounded so they
     died like two of ten demons they were fighting.}

0385-"You are on my side, aren't you ?!"

0386-"Open that door, slut!" {said by PC to another PC(femalefighter), she
     cuts him in two after that}

0387-NPC: "Surrender !"
    PC1: "Don't shoot. I give up, but let this guy(PC2) go, I took him as a
   hostage..."
    NPC: "Okay, okay, but first of all drop all your weapons!" {said to PC1}
    PC2: {taking out his Heavy Autopistol} "Shall I drop my weapon,too ???"

0388-"Computer, I'd like to register my mutation... It's Machine Empathy."

0389-"Sacrifice...?"

0390-"My Skill? ... Vehicle Operations... Flybot...! ... Oh shit!"

0391-"I'll try to fix it."

0392-"I step back as far as I can." {In an elevator}

0393-"I try to talk to the blob."

0394-"A Communist sticker on the Warbot? ... I'll shoot it off."

0395-"I'll put my head in, and see what's inside."

0396-PC1: "So... who knows how to drive?" {no one knew but they didn't care...}

0397-"You mean this suit is nuclear powered? Get me outta here! ... Guys?"

0398-PC: "Citizen Marks-R reporting treasonous activity in a corridor."
        "What colour corridor is that, citizen?" {computer}
        "The corridor? Umm...It's Blue."

0399-"It has an ejector seat? I pull the lever." {in a helicopter-like Flybot}

0400-"Beeping? O.K. I put it back in my holster."

0401-"I'll hold my breath and run through the gas."

0402-"I'd better carry the explosives, I've got demolition skill."

0403-"Oh shit... I'll try to teleport again."

0404-"Umm... Do I have a gas mask?"

0405-"I knock at that door."

0406-"Save vs spell ? Why ? Doesn't matter! I've got a save on a 4."
    {said it rolled his dice and was disintegrated on a roll of 3}

0407-"I try to resurect him with this rod."

0408-"Was that rune inscribed on the cage important ?"

0409-"Want some help ?" {said by an magic apprentice}

0410-"Quick !! How does one UNSUMMON a demon lord ?"

0411-"I wonder what this wand does ?" {waving it around}

0412-"Remember that demon that you HAD imprisoned down in the cellar ?  Well..."

0413-"I thought lighting the candles around the pentagram was YOUR job."

0414-"I finally shot that owl that's been following you around!"

0415-"By the way, what's the reverse of "summon"?"

0416-"That fire wand only had 25 charges left on it?!"

0417-"How does one control something once it gets out of the pentagram?"

0418-"The warding circle for this demon wasn't continuous before, was it?"

0419-"Let's see what'll happen when I mix these two potions together?"

0420-"So this wand fires a fireball if I point it at something and say 'Braxat'?"
    { Boom !!!!!! }

0421-"You wouldn't happen to have a banishment spell memorized...?"

0422-"Hey, I bet I can do that better than you can!"

0423-"Oh, that component was worth THAT much ?"

0424-"But this was supposed to be foolproof!"

0425-"I thought you said "Cone of Cold" not "Coin of Gold"!"

0426-"What kind of glue do you use to fix a DragonOrb ?"

0427-"Master, I kind of forgot to feed your familiar." {never seen again}

0428-"What's in this bottle ?" * POP * "Uhh... oh-oh..."

0429-"Sorry about that, Master. I promise I won't wave your wand around again...
     Hmm...what's this frog doing here ?"

0430-"Is this scroll pronounced 'HAStur HAStur' or 'HasTUR HasTUR' ?"

0431-"Hey, where did I put the top to this Decanter of Endless Water ?"

0432-Master: "Hey, where is my staff of power, you know, the one with the rune on
      it ???"
    Apprentice: "Was that your Staff of Power ? That end table in the den at
   home needed a new leg and you TOLD me to fix it ..."

0433-"Okay, I put the fire resistence potions in the red bottles, and the cold
     resistence potions in the blue.  Or was it the other way around ??"

0434-"I thought this spell required a 5-sided star..."

0435-"Master, why was this mirror lying faced down on the table ?? Master ???
     Gee, where'd he go? {scratches head}

0436-"We are all out of candles, so I used lanterns to surround the pentacle..."

0437-Apprentice: "Well, Master, I finally managed to learn the enlarge spell.
   Now, could you please tell me how one gets rid of a 50' big
   rat?"

0438-Apprentice: "Excuse me sir but, theoretically, what would happen if someone
   summoned, oohhh, lets say a major demon from the 376 level of
   the Abyss?"

0439-"With this body in my possesion I shall now rule the world!!"

0440-"Why does the writing on that book disappear while I am reading it ?"

0441-"That nice wizard from across town paid me 2000gp to deliver this box to
     you...  Methinks it must be some kind of clock !"

0442-"Let me control this steering-wheel now."

0443-PC hires NPC to be a spy; PC is in contact with NPC via walkie-talkie :
    NPC:"I see it coming...aaargllhhhh" {sough}
    PC :"What do you mean 'aaargllhhhh'? Hey man, I've paid for this."

0444-DM:"All of you successfully hit the dragon. It doesn't do anything."
    PC:"You mean it doesn't even wake up?"
    DM:"Suddenly, from behind you a *living* white dragon..."

0445-DM:"You crash through the door and find about 10 goblins. They look
 surprised."
    PC:"I say, 'Boo'!"

0446-"Come on, there's no such thing as a sword made of arsenic..."

0447-"It probably just wants to be friends."

0448-"Don't worry, what are the odds of rolling a 1 on a d20 ?"

0449-"It doesn't look like anyone is hiding in here."

0450-"Aw, come on. I'm sure he's forgotten about that last time."

0451-"I light the torch. What do you mean there is a sizzling sound ?"
    -* BOOM *-

0452-"I'll kill that sucker if it's the last thing I do." {It was...}

0453-"I hear a clic-clac? OK, I'll do a fast peek, like in Miami Vice. Those
     guys never got shot."

0454-"I bet this is not under current."

0455-"Come on, there are more good mutations than defected ones."

0456-"Who cares about f*king telepathics. Lets torch him."

0457-"I know how to handle a flame thrower."

0458-"I'm so tired. I'll sleep during my watch tonight. Nothing will happen."

0459-"I never fall asleep during guard jobs."

0460-"I want my reward."

0461-"I wake up quickly!"

0462-"Bugger! Failed my Intelligence test."

0463-"YES! A naked maiden in the woods, I just have to take a look."
    {...visit the nymph...}

0464-a) "Anything but a fumble now...."
    b) "What do you mean I fumbled ?"

0465-"I am not getting short-changed by this guy."

0466-"Let this Alien Queen come in. We'll roast her with our flamers...What do
     you mean 'no oxygen in the atmosphere' ?"

0467-"Ok, since I am going to die anyway, I pull the pins off all the grenades
     on my body..."

0468-"You must be kidding! No?"

0469-"Are you sure this female goblin could do 6 points of damage with flail ?"
    {He had only 5 points.}

0470-"Don't worry! I still have a dagger attack."

0471-"Come on, do you really think they could throw a grenade through that small
     window ?!"

0472-"I don't care. I'm taking a bath right now."

0473-"Hey, wake up, they're coming... For Heaven's sake, WAKE UP!"

0474-"No retreat, no surrender!"

0475-"Hey scumbag, we'll do it my way, or I'm gonna have to kill you."

0476-"Turn !!!" {to bone golem}

0477-"Sure, give me 5 cards." {from the Deck of Many Things, being offered by
     a man in black robes}

0478-"Look, you're on top of a building, you behind cover, he is firing full
     auto. There is no way he can hit you."

0479-"While my elemental is attacking, I'll cast Magic Missile..."
    {to which the elemental attacked him}

0480-"What do you mean the skull is floating in the air?" {Demilich float}

0481-"Hey, she's female. Don't worry, this GM never has female villians."

0482-"My Character is being careful."

0483-"Isn't the rope double-secured up there!?"

0484-"A cute looking koala with a WHAT!? THEY can't use Kalashnikovs, no!?"

0485-"That auto-targetting laser can't hit me! I have human reflexes."

0486-"Don't worry. This is just another empty room."

0487-"Hey man, they're just two lousy orcs..." {He never saw ogres before.}

0488-"This trap only hits one time. Trust me, I'm sure."

0489-"Elves don't die. They live eternally." {Not this one, of course}

0490-"Shit. Why did I slay the healer ?"

0491-"NOOO, don't touch anything inside..."* BOOM * {inside a laboratory}

0492-"I can banish this demon."

0493-GM: "You encounter some goblins."
    Party: "BANZAIIII" [charge]
    GM: "Hmm, didn't I say, they're 84."

0494-"Don't worry. This ship won't sink with this little water inside."

0495-"Come on you cowards. This guy is dead since hundreds of years."
    [kneeling near a skeleton]

0496-"Wait. Let me first look through the keyhole." [a trapped one]

0497-"What do you mean 'No reaction' ? I hit him again harder !"

0498-"Don't worry. With the amount of modifiers you've got there's no way he'll
     hit you."

0499-"He just fell off the 10th floor? I run over and catch him."

0500-"Live and let live ? Yeah, right!"

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