Take The Munchkin Test!

Permission is hereby granted to reproduce this list so long as it is
unchanged in any way in the process... In fact, it is encouraged for
readers to put this list on web pages devoted to role-playing games!

Compiled by Bill Wilson (wildwood72@pipeline.com) - last change 09/27/96

THE MUNCHKIN TEST

I think that, with the word "munchkin" tossed around so much, we need a
few guidelines to determine who the munchkins actually are. How about
these:

(1) You are NOT a munchkin if you roll 3d6 for stats.
You MAY be a munchkin if you roll 4d6 and drop the lowest.
You ARE a munchkin if you roll 4d6 and keep all four.

"So where does that leave my 5d6 discard lowest system then?"

(2) You are NOT a munchkin if you play a fighter with a normal sword.
You MAY be a munchkin if you play a fighter with a +5 sword.
You ARE a munchkin if you play a thief with a +5 sword.

(3) You are NOT a munchkin if your familiar is a black cat.
You MAY be a munchkin if your familiar is an imp.
You ARE a munchkin if your familiar is an intelligent, spell casting Sphere of Annihilation.

(4) You are NOT a munchkin if you can kill an orc in one round.
You MAY be a munchkin if you can kill a tribe of orcs in one round.
You ARE a munchkin if you can kill Orcus in one round.

(5) You are NOT a munchkin if you play a half-orc.
You MAY be a munchkin if you play a half-elf.
You ARE a munchkin if you play a half-tarrasque.

"You know, this sounds really funky. I must give it a go next time I find
a DM dumb enough to let me play it."

(6) You are NOT a munchkin if you have a Decanter of Endless Water.
You MAY be a munchkin if you have a Rod of Treasure Detection.
You ARE a munchkin if you have a Ring of Infinite Wishes.

(7) You are NOT a munchkin if you have a Potion of Plant Control.
You MAY be a munchkin if you have a Potion of Giant Control.
You ARE a munchkin if you have a Potion of DM Control.

"Otherwise known as giving the DM a bottle of Famous Grouse before the
game."

(8) You are NOT a munchkin if you say... "Wow... I've never even heard of that magic item..."
You MAY be a munchkin if you say... "Those are great... too bad I used up the other one I found"
You ARE a munchkin if you say... "Put it in the bag with the other ones..."

(9) You are NOT a munchkin if you mourn a character's death.
You MAY be a munchkin if you don't mourn a character's death.
You ARE a munchkin if you don't understand the concept of character
death.

(10) You are NOT a munchkin if you know of a Wand of Wonder.
You MAY be a Munchkin if you use a Wand of Wonder.
You ARE a munchkin if you MADE a Wand of Wonder.

(11) You are NOT a munchkin if you enjoy adventuring in towns.
You MAY be a munchkin if you don't enjoy adventuring in towns.
You ARE a munchkin if you enjoy removing towns from the map.

(12) You are NOT a munchkin if your favorite AD&D weapon is a rapier.
You MAY be a munchkin if your favorite AD&D weapon is a Vorpal Sword.
You ARE a munchkin if your favorite AD&D weapon is a shotgun.

(13) You are NOT a munchkin if you make characters up for enjoyment.
You MAY be a munchkin if you make characters up for something to do.
You ARE a munchkin if you make characters up to use up all the 18's you 'rolled'.

(14) You are NOT a munchkin if you based a character on Catti-Brie.
You MAY be a munchkin if you based a character on Drizzt Do'Urden.
You ARE a munchkin if you based a character on Lloth.

(15) You are NOT a munchkin if you own many AD&D supplements.
You MAY be a munchkin if you own ALL AD&D supplements.
You ARE a munchkin if you owned all AD&D supplements before you started playing AD&D.

(16) You are NOT a munchkin if you fear the Tarrasque.
You MAY be a munchkin if you defeated the Tarrasque.
You ARE a munchkin if you domesticated the Tarrasque.

(17) You are NOT a munchkin if you haggle over the price of a room.
You MAY be a munchkin if you haggle over the price of the Inn.
You ARE a munchkin if you don't need to haggle over the price of the Inn.

(18) You are NOT a munchkin if you play a Human Cleric.
You MAY be a munchkin if you play an Elven Bard.
You ARE a munchkin if you play an Illithid Psionicist.

(19) You are NOT a munchkin if you cast Magic Missile.
You MAY be a munchkin if you cast Chain Lightning.
You ARE a munchkin if you cast Chain Minute Meteors.

(20) You are NOT a munchkin if your heart has been broken by an elf maid.
You MAY be a munchkin if your sword has been broken decapitating a dragon.
Your ARE a munchkin if a Tarrasque has been broken running into you.

(21) You are NOT a munchkin if your bard writes bad poetry.
You MAY be a munchkin if your PC writes Royal Edicts.
You ARE a munchkin if your PC wrote the Bible.

(22) You are NOT a munchkin if your cleric prays to Ilmater.
You MAY be a munchkin if your cleric prays to Bane.
Your ARE a munchkin if Bane prays to your cleric.

(23) You are NOT a munchkin if your PC dreams of someday meeting Elminster.
You MAY be a munchkin if your PC dreams of someday being Elminster.
You ARE a munchkin if your PC vaguely remembers killing Elminster.

(24) You are NOT a munchkin if your fighter is a Peasant Hero.
You MAY be a munchkin if your fighter is a Samurai.
You ARE a munchkin if your fighter is a Cavalier.

(25) You are NOT a munchkin if your mage has 20 Charisma.
You MAY be a munchkin if your mage has 20 Dexterity.
You ARE a munchkin if your mage has 20 Strength.

(26) You are NOT a munchkin if you quest to kill young red dragons.
You MAY be a munchkin if you quest to kill ancient red dragons.
You ARE a munchkin if you randomly encounter ancient red dragons.

(27) You are NOT a munchkin if you wield two daggers.
You MAY be a munchkin if you wield two scimitars.
You ARE a munchkin if you wield two halberds.

(28) You are NOT a munchkin if you ride a mule.
You MAY be a munchkin if you ride a heavy warhorse.
You ARE a munchkin if you ride a Nightmare.

(29) You are NOT a Munchkin if you say "It looks like a big ball!".
You MAY be a Munchkin if you say "It looks like a ball with tentacles and eyes!"
You ARE a Munchkin if you say "It looks like a Beholder, and it's eyes do death ray, disintegrate, color spray...."

(29a)You are not a Munchkin if you say "It looks like a ball with tentacles and eyes!"
You MAY be a Munchkin if you say "It looks like a Beholder, and it's eyes do death ray, disintegrate, color spray...."
You ARE a Munchkin if you say "It's a Beholder and now I can make wands that do death ray, disintegrate, color spray...."

(30) You are not a munchkin if you play a human enchanter.
You might be a munchkin if you play an elven invoker with the maximum number of fireballs allowed.
You are a munchkin if you play a vampire transmuter/necromancer/invoker/abjurer/enchanter/illusionist.

(31) You are not a munchkin if you wear chainmail+1.
You might be a munchkin if you wear platemail+10. ***D&D, not AD&D***
You are a munchkin if you prefer a tank to armor.

(32) You are not a munchkin if you flee from beholders.
You might be a munchkin if you launch acid arrows at beholders at close range.
You are a munchkin if you launch ice storms at beholders at close range.

(33) You are not a munchkin if you prefer leather armor over chainmail.
You might be a munchkin if you cast detect magic on every armor you have found.
You are a munchkin if you design a spell that tells you how many plusses a magic suit of armor has.

(34) You are not a munchkin if you like improved invisibility spells.
You might be a munchkin if you prefer only 9th level spells.
You are a munchkin if you prefer to design your own 90th level spells.

(35) You are not a munchkin if you think your party could destroy a lich.
You might be a munchkin if you think you could beat a lich single-handedly.
You are a munchkin if you think you could beat a dracolich single-handedly.

(36) You are not a munchkin if you post messages about fighting tarrasques on Usenet.
You might be a munchkin if you design a webpage on how to beat tarrasques.
You are a munchkin if you can't figure how to get Usenet and WWW over your Nintendo.

(37) You are not a munchkin if you like a good brawl with a group of orcs on occasion.
You might be a munchkin if you enjoy a good brawl with a group of vampires on occasion.
You are a munchkin if you get bored with brawling with a family of shadow dragons.

(38) You are not a munchkin if you think Raistlin Majere is the world's greatest mage.
You might be a munchkin if you think you are the world's greatest mage.
You are a munchkin if you never really considered you might not be the world's greatest mage.

(39) You are not a munchkin if your familiar is a frog.
You might be a munchkin if your familiar is a dragon.
You are a munchkin if your familiar is Nuitari.

(40) You are not a munchkin if you play AD&D with the core books only.
You might be a munchkin if you play AD&D with all the player and DM option books.
You are a munchkin if you play AD&D with real weapons and LSD in a steam tunnel.

(41) You are not a munchkin if your favorite magic item is your cloak of elvenkind.
You might be a munchkin if your favorite magic item is your ring of wishes.
You are a munchkin if your favorite magic items are all ten of your Orbs of Dragonkind.

(42) You are NOT a Munchkin if your mage has a Spellbook
You MAY BE a Munchkin if your mage has several Spellbooks
You ARE a Munchkin if your mage has Elminster's Spellbooks

(42b) You ARE a Munchkin if your mage doesn't NEED a Spellbook.

(43) You are NOT a munchkin if you slay a drow.
You MAY BE a munchkin if you play a drow.
You ARE a munchkin if you play a drow who's retained his/her innate abilities on the surface, weild two swords in battle, and get 63 attacksper round.

(44) You are NOT a munchkin if you've seen Elminster's Tower.
You MAY BE a munchkin if you've been in Eliminster's Tower.
You ARE a munchkin if you live in Elminster's Tower.

(45) You are NOT a munchkin if you cast cantrip to clean a room.
You MAY be a munchkin if you cast unseen servant to clean a room.
You ARE a munchkin if you cast wish to clean a room.

(46) You are NOT a munchkin if you have never spoken to your deity.
You MAY be a munchkin if you've spoken once with your deity.
You ARE a munchkin if you have your deity’s cell phone number.

(47) You are NOT a munchikin if you have no 18's.
You MAY be a munchikin if you have one or two 18's.
You ARE a munchikin if 18 is your *lowest* stat.

(48) You are NOT a munchkin if you've *found* a few magic items.
You MAY be a munchkin if you've *bought* a few magic items.
You ARE a munchkin if you've *sold* a few magic items.

(49) You are not a munchkin if you find an artifact.
You might be a munchkin if you use an artifact regularly.
You are a munchkin if you got tired of your artifact*s* long ago, so you ordered Odin to make you a new one.

(50) You are NOT a munchkin if your party has seen few magical items by 5th level.
You MAY be a munchkin if your party has seen many magical items by 5th level.
You ARE a munchkin if your party has seen all magical items by 5th level.

(51) You are NOT a munchkin if your corpse is animated.
You MAY be a munchkin if your corpse is resurrected.
You ARE a munchkin if all of your characters remove a toe to be used for resurrection in case your body can't be recovered.

(52) You are NOT a munchkin if your 3rd level character finds a Ring of Warmth.
You MAY be a munchkin if your 3rd level character finds a Bag of Holding.
You ARE a munchkin if your 3rd level character finds a Deck of Many Things.

(53) You are NOT a munchkin if your character has a keep.
You MAY be a munchkin if your character has an island palace.
You ARE a munchkin if your character has an other-dimensional realm.

(54) You are NOT a munchkin if you've heard of an artifact...and fear it.
You MAY be a munchkin if you've found an artifact...and used it.
You ARE a munchkin if you've inherited an artifact...and traded up.

(55) You are NOT a Munchkin if your name is Bob the Plain
You Might be a Munchkin if your name is Belthar The Stupendous
Your Are a Munchkin if your name is Gandalf The White

(56) You are NOT a munchkin if you kill a kobold to get the last xp for a level.
You MIGHT be a munchkin if you kill a dragon to get the xp needed to go up a level.
You ARE a munchkin if you set out to 'Clean a level of the Abyss' to gain a level.

(57) You are NOT a munchkin, if your name is Stupid Bob.
You MIGHT be a munchkin, if your name is Bob the Stupendous.
You ARE DEFINATELY a munchkin, if your name is Stupendous Man, a.k.a.Calvin.

(58) You are NOT a munchkin if you have a wand of fire.
You MAY be a munchkin if you have a staff of wizardry.
You ARE a munchkin if each of your apprentices carries a golfbag of wand and staves.

(59) You are NOT a munchkin if your cleric is over 10th level.
You MAY be a munchkin if you have an expensive temple built for you.
You ARE a munchkin if the maintenance costs on your temple exceed the GNP of Germany.

(60) You are not a munchkin if you think a tanar'ri is something you don't
       want to meet on a dark night.
     You might be a munchkin if you think an occasional tanar'ri is good
        for racking up experience.
     You are a munchkin if you think tanar'ri pelts run far too expensive
       for the little effort you put into acquiring them...

(61) You are not a munchkin if your elven fighter has elven chainmail+1.
     You might be a munchkin if your dwarven cleric has elven chainmail +3.
     You are a munchkin if your human fighter has infravision, can detect
     secret doors, and can cast spells...

(62) You are not a munchkin if you wear Plate Mail.
     You may be a munchkin if you wear Elven Full Plate +5, and you're a
      halfling.
     You are a munchkin if you wear Ancient Gold Wyrm Dragonskin Armor +5,
      and you are a Grey Elf Bladesinger.

(63) You are NOT a munchkin if your 5th LvL party sees an ancient black
        dragon and says "Run away!"
     You MAY be a munchkin if your 5th lvl party sees an ancient black
       dragon and says "We'll probably all die but think of the glory,treasure and
       fame if we succeed in ambushing and killing it!"
     You ARE a munchkin if your 5th level party sees an ancient black
       dragon and says "Been there, done that!"

(64) You ARE a munchkin if you're the lovechild of Elminster and The
Simbal.

(64a) How about this for the previous 2 steps on # 64?
You ARE NOT a munchkin if you're a low level diviner
You MIGHT be a munchkin if you're a high level invoker

(64b) You Might be a munchkin if you're a high level fighter/invoker

(65) You Are NOT a Munchkin if Your Race is Halfling
You May be a Munchkin if Your Race is Troll
You Are a Munchkin if Your Race is Q

(66) You are NOT a Munchkin if you roll 3d6 for characteristics
     You May be a Munchkin if you roll 4f6 12 times, and take the highest 6
     You Are a Munchkin if you roll characteristics in such a way as to
     have a 1 in 15 chance of an 18.

(67) You are not a munchkin if your characters are of all different
      classes.
     You may be a munchkin if your characters are usually the same class.
     You ARE a muchkin if the only difference between your characters is
     the name.

(68) You might be a munchkin if you ask your DM for a SECOND Pit Fiend
familiar.

(69) You are NOT a munchkin if, when you meet an ancient red dragon you
       scream and run away
     You MAY be a munckin if, when you meet an ancient red dragon you
        hide till it leaves then run away with all the treasure you can carry
     You ARE a munchkin if you walk up to an ancient red dragon and tell
        him "look, give me your treasure or I'll skin you alive"

(69a) You are NOT a munchkin if you do this (#69 - last) and end up as
dragon steak. <G>

(69b)You are the mother of all munchkins if you walk up to an ancient red
dragon and tell him "look, give me your treasure or I'll skin you alive"
And the dragon listens.

(70) You are NOT a munchkin if your character learns from experience.
You MAY be a munchkin if your character doesn't need experience.
You ARE a munchkin if experience learns from your character.

(71) You are NOT a munchkin if you fight for your kingdom.
You MAY be a munchkin if you fight against your kingdom.
You ARE a munchkin if your kingdom fights for you.

(72) You are NOT a munchkin if you own a sword +1.
       You MAY be a munchkin if you own a sword +5.
       You ARE a munchkin if you created a sword +5. (NB. This actually
       happened in my campaign once - on Mystara, Jasaper, Broadsword +5,
       Wish once per year, adamantite blade, +7 vs Demons, the Eye of Traldar fixed on the pommell... MUNCHKIN GAME!)

(73) You are NOT a munchkin if you are scared of Meteor Swarm.
       You MAY be a munchkin if you can cast Meteor Swarm.
       You ARE a munchkin if the creatures you're fighting are immune to
      Meteor Swarm.

(74) You are NOT a munchkin if you journey to other kingdoms.
       You MAY be a munchkin if you journey to other planes.
      You ARE a munchkin if you journey to other campaigns for dinner with
       their gods.

(75) You are NOT a munchkin if your character wears plate armour.
You MAY be a munchkin if your character wears plate armour +5.
You ARE a munchkin if your horse wears plate armour +5.

(76) You are NOT a munchkin if you hunt ogres for their treasure.
You MAY be munchkin if you hunt dragons for their treasure.
You ARE a munchkin if people hunt you for your treasure.

(77) You ARE the mother of all munchkins if you journey to other planes to
dine on the gods.

(78) You are the mother of all munchkins if your Great Wyrm gold dragon
wears plate armor +5, of Etherealness.

(79) You are the mother of all munchkins if no creature with a will to live
would dare hunt you for your treasure.

(80) You are not a Munchkin if you are playing a human wizard on Krynn
       You may be a Munchkin if you are playing a drow fighter/wizard on
       Toril
      You are a Munchkin if you are playing an aasimar in Sigil and claim
       your Solar father has inherited you all his skills, attributes and equipment.

(81) You are not a Munchkin in you are playing a fighter wielding a long
       sword.
     You may be a Munchkin if you are playing a ranger wielding a long
       sword +4 and scimitar +2
     You are a Munchkin if you are playing a ranger wielding 2 scimitars of
       speed and a vorpal dancing 2H sword.

(82) You are not a Munchkin if you are playing a 3rd level paladin.
       You may be a Munchkin if you play a 9th level fighter / 15 level
        invoker
      You are a Munchkin If you play a 17th level eastern monk , 23th level
       kensai , 30th level psycoporter and kill the tarrasque, Tiamat, Orcus and
       the dragon of Tyr all in the same combat round using your bare hands.

(83) You are not a munchkin if you declare you want to destroy the world
       you are in, and nobody pays attension.
      You may be a munchkin if you declare you want to destroy the world you
     are in, and everbody start wondering if you can do it.
     You are a munchkin if you declare you want to destroy the world you
     are in, and everyone, DM included, start Plane Shifting to a brand new
     world.

(83a) This is the tag line attached to #83... it was just too much in the
flavor of this thread to leave out...

`Another World? We just built the last one and he blew it up again?'
Zeus To Odin, on a very friendly outing.

(84) You are NOT a munchkin if your God-PC created worlds just to look at
       all the critters move about in it, cuz its so cool
     You MAY BE a munchkin if your God-PC created worlds to travel through
     and revel in being GOD of that world
     You ARE a munchkin if your God-PC creates worlds just to destroy them
      for the xps, with the next project already in mind

Okay, so it's debatable whether ANY God-PC should be munchkin by
definition, but hell....

(85) You are NOT a munchkin if you're afraid of Pit Fiends.
     You MAY be a munchkin if you valiantly face Pit Fiends.
     You ARE a munchkin if you wonder why your DM can't give you something
     harder to fight than Pit Fiends.

(86) You are NOT a munchkin if you know stories of artifacts.
You MAY be a munchkin if you have used an artifact.
You ARE a munchkin if you have an artifact named after you.

(87) You are NOT a munchkin if you see a dragon and begin rolling up a new
        PC.
      You MAY BE a munchkin if you see a dragon and decide to take the 250
      XP for your teleport spell.
     You ARE a munchkin if you see a dragon and complain because it won't
     give you enough XP for the next level, and there's nothing in its hoard you
    don't already have anyway.

(88) You are not a munchkin if you were asked to do the dishes.
      You might be a munchkin if you can order everybody else to do the
     dishes.
     You are a munchkin if you ask The God Odin to do the dishes.... and he
     ask `How do you want it done?'

(89) (This one is for all the Gygax-haters out there)
       You are NOT a munchkin if you play D&D.
       You MAY be a munchkin if you memorized D&D.
       You ARE a munchkin if you invented D&D.

(90) You are NOT a munchkin if you play a Half Orc.
You MAY be a munchkin if you play an Orc.
You ARE a munchkin if you play Orcus.

(91) You are NOT a munchkin if you take Ancient History as an NWP.
You MAY be a munchkin if you take Weaponsmithing as an NWP.
You ARE a munchkin if you take Ancient History Smithing as an NWP.

(92) You are NOT a munchkin if you ride a Horse.
You MAY be a munchkin if you ride a Griffon.
You ARE a munchkin if you ride a Tarrasque.

(93) You are NOT a munchkin if you ride a Horse.
You MAY be a munchkin if you ride a Dragon.
You ARE a munchkin if you have a Dragon as a pack animal.

(94) You are NOT a munchkin if you fear Death.
You MAY be a munchkin if you fought Death.
You ARE a munchkin if you went to school with Death.

(95) You are NOT a munchkin if you have no 18 stats.
You MAY be a munchkin if you have more than one 18 stat.
You ARE a munchkin if you didn't know that there WERE stats under 18.

(96) You are NOT a munchkin if you dislike Party Wars.
You MAY be a munchkin if you like Party Wars.
You ARE a munchkin if you live for Party Wars.

(97) You are NOT a munchkin if you play a character of the opposite sex.
     You MAY be a munchkin if you have NEVER played a charcter of the
     opposite sex.
     You ARE a munchkin if you didn't know there WAS an opposite sex.

(98) You are NOT a munchkin if you fear pain.
You MAY be a munchkin if you enjoy pain.
You ARE a munchkin if you play the Lady of Pain.

(99) You are NOT a munchkin if you got adventure ideas from TOLKIEN novels.
You MAY be a munchkin if you got adventure ideas from CONAN novels.
You ARE a munchkin if you got adventure ideas from CTHULHU novels.

(100) You may be a munchkin if you have been reading this thread and don't
realize that it is meant to be funny.

(100a) You are not a munchkin if this thread amuses the hell out of you.
You are a munchkin if you've been reading this thread and taking notes
for campaign ideas.

(100b) You are a Munchkin if you're printing this thread out to put into
your Idea Sourcebook.

(101)You are not a munchkin if your INT is so low that you have to use
        stones to count
        You might be a munchkin if your INT is high enough to use an abacus
       You are a munchkin if you *invented* numbers

(102)You ARE NOT a Munchkin if your character hates priestesses of Lloth
You MAY BE a Munchkin if your character _is_ a priestess of Lloth
You ARE a Munchkin if Lloth is a priestess of your character

(103)You ARE NOT a Munchkin if you worship the gods
        You MAY BE a Munchkin if you think gods don't deserve to be worshipped
        from you
       You ARE a Munchkin if gods worship you

(104)You ARE the mother of all Munchkins if gods think they don't deserve
to worship you

(105)You MAY be a munchkin if you try to use your wish to create another
Wand of Orcus (an exact replica of the one in your bag) ***MAY???!!!***

(106)You are NOT a munchkin if you can't set fire to a flask of wine.
You MAY BE a munchkin if your flask of wine burns like a flask of oil.
You ARE a munchkin if your flask of wine burns like a 10 HD fireball.

OK, admittedly, this doesn't make as much sense if you haven't been
following the "Famous last words thread".

(107)You are NOT a munchkin if you think munchkins are ridiculously
         powerful.
        You MAY be a munchkin if you think munchkins are a bit powerful.
        You ARE a munchkin if you think munchkins aren't too powerful.

I don't know WHAT you are if you think munchkins are weak.

(108)You are NOT a munchkin if you've reached the 36th level in D&D
You MAY be a munchkin if you've reached the 36th level in AD&D
You ARE a munchkin if you've reached the 36th level of SPELLS in AD&D.

(109)You are NOT a munchkin if your party contains 4 people.
You MAY be a munchkin if your party contains 14 people.
You ARE a munchkin if your party doesn't contain ANY -people-

(110)You are NOT a munchkin DM if the god of your world is Helm.
         You MAY be a munchkin DM if the god of your world is PC.
        You ARE a munchkin DM if the god of your world is your personal
        incarnation...

(111)You ARE a munckin if your paladin has a teleporting dragon....

(112)You are NOT a munchkin if you roll stat on 3d6.
You MAY be a munchkin if you roll stat on 4d6.
You ARE a munchkin if you roll stats on 6d4.

(113)You are NOT a munchkin if you use a sabre
You MAY be a munchkin if you use two sabres.
You ARE a munchkin if you use a LIGHT SABRE.

(114)You are NOT a munchkin if you need a beltpouch to store your silver.
You MAY be a munchkin if you need a backpack to store your gold.
You ARE a munchkin if you need a Portable Hole to store your platinum.

(115)You are NOT a munchkin if you gave gold coins to armourers and tell
         them to keep the change:
       You MAY be a munchkin if you give gold coins to inkeepers and tell
       them to keep the change.
      You ARE a munchkin if you give gold coins to beggars and tell them to
       keep the change.

(116)You are NOT a munchkin if you tip a barmaid.
You MAY be a munchkin if you tip a priest.
You ARE a munchkin if you tip a God.

(117)You are NOT a munchkin if you keep a list of your kills.
        You MAY be a munchkin if you keep a booklet of your kills.
       You ARE a munchkin if you find it saves paper to just tick off your
        kills in the Monstrous Manual.

(118)You are NOT a munchkin if you need one volume to record all your
        spells.
     You MAY be a munchkin if you need several volumes to record your
     spells.
     You ARE a munchkin if you need a laptop Pentium to record all your
      spells.

(119)You are NOT a munchkin if you read a Gary Gygax novel.
You MAY be a munchkin if you read ALL Gary Gygax novels.
You ARE a munchkin if you WROTE a Gary Gygax novel. :)

(120)You are not a munchkin if you wear Plate Mail
You MAY be a munchkin if you wear Plate +2
You ARE a munchkin if you wear one of the five ronin armors.

(121) Not necessarily true.
         You are NOT a munchkin if you've HEARD of the Five Yoroi (original
         name)
         You MAY be a munchkin if you WEAR one of the Five Yoroi
         You ARE a munchkin if you use the Yoroi to fight Orcs.

(122) **You may be a munchkin if** your weapon is more intelligent than
some of your familiars. Or party members.

(123) **You may be a** munchkin if. . .you can't really remember if your
party members are your friends or your familiars lunch.

(124) You are not a munchkin if you select, rather than roll, your
        character's height, weight and hair colour.
       You may be a munchkin if you select, rather than roll, your character's
       comeliness and spell book contents.
      You are a munchkin if you select, rather than roll, your character's
      savings throws and to hits.

(125) You are not a munchkin if you announce your roll, then ask what you
        need to hit (save).
      You may be a munchkin if you ask what you need to hit (save) before you
      roll.
      You are a munchkin if you announce you hit (saved) without rolling.

[We rearranged our game room into a circle so the Munchkin had to sit in
plain view of two other people.]

+ THE MUNCHKING +
**Thread started by and the term MUNCHKING created by Dave Brohman**

And the final note....

For times when the term munchkin just won't do, I give you the MUNCHKING!

How to spot the MUNCHKING!:

- In order to prove he is not a munchkin, he uses his weakest weapon in combat (a +5 Vorpal Knitting Needle).
- He ride into battle on an Avatar.
- He posts messages with title like 'NEW IMPROVED ANONYMITY'.
- He spent more time on his .sig than you spent on your masters thesis.
- He has yet to find a character sheet with enough room for "Level".
- He ticks off his magic Items in the ENCYCLOPEDIA MAGICA to save trees.
- He wears a t-shirt that says 'My other magic sword is ALSO an Artifact'.
- He is annoyed that the stat tables in the PHB only go up to 25.
- He insists on taking a Half Elf/Half Dwarf to get ALL the good bonuses.
- He insists that his last GM let him have the 'Rod of Seven Parts' ("See, it's right here on my character sheet beside 'Excalibur'").
- He thinks wizard spells are CUMULATIVE.
- He actually said "I played D&D with Gary Gygax at a convention" and seems PROUD of it.
- He is reading this post and getting angry.
- He penalizes players XP for wasting time talking to NPCs.
- He thinks that Elminster is a wimp.
- He thinks the Tarrasque is a wimp.
- He thinks GOD is a wimp.
- He thinks the DM is a wimp.
- His paladin puts on the Hand and Eye of Vecna, and Vecna's alignment starts changing to Lawful Good.
- He has Heward's Mystical Organ fully repaired and tuned up and sitting in his castle's basement gathering dust.
- He installed a mechanical play option onto the Organ to play complicated tunes without error.
- His Charisma is 25 and he doesn't even know what that means.
- He keeps telling the DM that the Treasure Tables are way too stingy;
- And he insists that the listed treasure type for 'Kobold' applies to each individual kobold.
- He uploads to AOL 35 poorly but painstakingly executed drawings of all
the fantastically beautiful and dangerous women who cling to his character like lint.
- He (a different munchkin) downloads the above drawings, and orders his DM to let him have them as henchmen.
- The name of every spell he has ever researched begins with "Improved"
- He thought Tomb of Horrors was simple, even though he fell for every single trap in the dungeon.
- His character has more HP than XP and he's not first level.
- His friends stop playing with him "'Cause they're just jealous".
- His character sheet is longer than the Encyclopedia Britannica.
- He's sent a letter to the Vatican insisting they cannonize his character.
- His armor has more pluses than a first grader's addition homework.
- Reading about the character in the 'invincible PC' post gave him a warm fuzzy.
- He has a law suit pending against TSR for not including his character in 'Legends and Lore'.
- He's been published in the Dragon magazine April edition of 'unanswerables' more than once.
- He thinks encumberance should be banned from play permenently.
- he thinks character Hit dice are cumulative (ie. a third level paladin has 6 D10's worth of hit points).
- When someone says 'D&D is just a game', he hugs his character sheet to his chest and whispers "He was only kidding... he didn't mean it."
- He claims to be immune to tactical nukes becuase they aren't + 3 or better.
- When his DM said the monsters also get crit hits, he attacked him with a chair.
- His character's strength is Avagadro's number.
- He claims to have killed the all the deities and demigods.
- He laminates his character sheets.
- (FR players) Ao is his squire, and Elminster his scribe.
- His character is his own deity.
- He bought a three hundred dollar HP calculator so he could figure out how many gold coins he has.
- His original character was gonna be a PALADIN-MAGE-DRUID-ASSASSIN-MONK, but when his DM wouldn't listen to his 'reasonable' request to suspend the split experience rule, he whined for a moment then chose his present character.
- Finally, when he rolls dice it goes something like this: He uses the 12d6 drop the lowest 9 method twelve times and take the
six best. He then rolls again for yhis 'bonus points', only when he rolls and somehow fails to get three sixes, he says "Okay, this time for real..."
-He thinks that a Girdle of Storm Giant strength, guantlets of Ogre Power, and a Warhammer of Thunder of Lightning are a common combination for magical treasure and he gets mad if the Warhammer is not Vorpal w/life stealing Abilites.
- His character sheet has semen stains on it.
- His THAC0 is Planck's constant.
- He thinks ordinary munchkins are wimps.
- He devised a new ability generation system: 4d100, keep 3 highest.
- He disposed of all the regular magical items in the DMG because they weren't powerful enough.
- He expects his god to pray to him.
- His Dex is lightspeed.

P.S.- This is all in fun. If you got angry, you are a MUNCHKING! and I
don't really care what you think!

Contributors:

jonathan@soho.ios.com (Jonathan Edelstein)
wildwood72@pipeline.com (Bill Wilson)
dbrohman@chat.carleton.ca (Dave Brohman)
nb4769@mail.bris.ac.uk (Neil Barnes)
bf679@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (R. John Morrow)
pelarski@aero.und.nodak.edu (Mike Pelarski)
thorns@cs.mcgill.ca (Simon)
remoore@nando.net (The King of the Munchkins... :) )
moondog@gvi.net (Jason DeNeault)
moonsong99@aol.com (Moonsong99)
gs01rmb@panther.Gsu.EDU (Rolf M. Bunchner)
c_king@cc.colorado.edu (Cameron King)
shawn_kester@nt.com (Shawn Kester)
bfmyers@ix.netcom.com
mroozee@math.uci.edu (LK)
jrich@cln.etc.bc.ca (The Munchkin)
enters@nijenrode.nl (Robert Enters)
lrmead@whale.st.usm.edu (Lawrence R. Mead)
littlejm@gnatnet.net" (John Morgan Little)
yyg@valleynet.com (Ki-Rin)
taustin@ni.net (Terry Austin)
who@where.net (DrkShade)
klack@srv.net (Chris Appelhans)
passanta@aston.ac.uk (A PASSANTE)
firefly@iinet.net.au (Greg Tannahill)
robinson@blue.weeg.uiowa.edu (The Amorphous Mass)
seitz@krick.com (Christian Seitz)
chris@scos.intserv.com (Chris Rachiele)
kirby@pacific.net.sg (Kirby Kuah)
DarkStarCO@worldnet.att.net (Chester Boyd)
particle@servtech.com (Chaos Harlequin)
hackard@freeside.fc.net (Andrew Hackard)
ZDFY66B@prodigy.com (Joseph Gerber)
skeezix@interserv.com
guidov@net4u.it (Guido Villa)
m_curr00@tpnet.co.nz (Mike Currie)
macarlso@nmsu.edu (M. CARLSON)
watkinsw@brutus.datastar.net (Jeremy Watkins)
seawasp@wizvax.net (Sea Wasp)
George21@concentric.net (George Hirst)
JMXK24E@prodigy.com (Chris Pappas)
mlush@hgmp.mrc.ac.uk (Mr. M.J. Lush)
arobins@freenet.columbus.oh.us (Alan Robinson)
scattman@bssc.edu.au (Scatt Man)
lrduther@voicenet.com (Lord Uther)
hneilson@awinc.com (Hugh Neilson)

"...He must be the best man in his world and a good enough man for any
world... He is a lonely man and his pride is that you will treat him as a proud man or be sorry you ever saw him. He talks as the man of his age talks - that is, with rude wit, a lively sense of the grotesque, a disgust for sham, and a contempt for
pettiness."

Raymond Chandler "The Simple Art of Murder"

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