In a yet undetermined time
I can't tell when it would be!
There were a bunch of people
Quite different from you and me!
None of them were from the same universe,
And normally they would never converse,
But circumstances being what they are,
Hojo stole them from their homes and sent them in the sky so far!
(Hojo) I'll send them stupid fanfics,
The worst that I can find! (La la la!)
I'll make them sit and read them all
And experiment on their minds! (La la la!)
Now keep in mind they can't control
Where the fanfics begin or end. (La la la!)
They'll just have to try and retain their sanity
With the jokes that they make!
Hojo: That doesn't rhyme, you know...
Ayu: Shut up, ratboy!
(*music starts up again*)
RIFFER ROLL CALL!
Ianthe! ("Make...the hurting...stop!")
Lezard Valeth! ("Open the gates of Niflheim!")
Xelloss! ("Sore ha himitsu desu! <3")
Faaaaaaaaye! ("Men are such idiots.")
If you're wondering how they survive up there,
And other science facts, (La la la!)
Shut the hell up, we were really bored one day,
So you'd better try and relax!
'Cause it's Yet Another Bad MST3K Ripoff! (*guitar riff*)
(*on the rec room of the Satellite, Ianthe is playing Final Fantasy
IX with increasing frustration*)
Ianthe: RUN, VIVI!! RUN, DAMN YOU!!!
Ayu: (*sitting on couch, watching Ianthe play*) Just save for now already. Let's play Eternal Darkness and have fun with the insanity events.
Ianthe: Noo! But I want to beat Hippaul! Damn you, you tubby bastard!! (*mashing the buttons*) RUN FASTER, VIVI!!! RUN LIKE YOUR CLOTHES ARE ON FIRE!!!
Ramirez: (*entering the rec room*) What's this about clothes on fire?
Ianthe: You would be interest--DAMMIT, I LOST!! (*weeps*) Agaaaaain....
Ayu: Ianthe's playing a game and getting pissed.
Ianthe: DIE, HIPPAUL, DIE, DIE!!!
Ayu: (*kicks Ianthe lightly*) Save and turn it off, or do something else. Like let Kuja destroy Alexandria.
Ianthe: (*weeps*) I'll just save... (*goes to do so*)
Ramirez: (*looking at TV, PSX and various PSX equipment, along with a number of other platforms and games, with some interest*) What's all this?
Ayu: Game. The Satellite grew it a couple of days ago. Hey, wanna watch us play Eternal Darkness? You can make the main character go insane by killing random people!
Ramirez: Really. (*sits down next to Ayu*) What's it about?
Ayu: Mmm...the basic. Horrible entity from another reality wants to come over here and enslave and/or destroy us all. Our task as the players to stop them and save humanity.
Ianthe: Most of the people in the story die or get screwed over.
Ayu: (*Xel'latoth voice*) Paaul...Brother Luuther...
Ianthe: (*shivers*) Stop that.
Ramirez: Uh huh... (*glances back at Faye and Xelloss, who just entered*)
Xelloss: Hello, hello! Sorry to break up the fun, but we've just been called.
Faye: More torment awaits us.
Ianthe: Aww, fuck beans. (*hits power button*)
(*the five go to the bridge, where Lezard and Hojo await*)
Hojo: (*barely containing his glee*) How wonderful to see you all again! You can't imagine how much I've missed you all!
Ianthe: Wow, is being a creepy digusting scientist ruining your social life, Hojo?
Hojo: I don't need a social life! Science is what sustains me!!
Lezard: Can we dispense with the pleasantries and get on with this?
Ayu: We have zombies to kill.
Lezard: (*sharply*) Hey!! I told you to stay out of my room!
Ayu: No, no--not yours. Ianthe and I'll show you after the fic.
Xelloss: Hai, hai. What's the poison this time, Hojo?
Hojo: (*nearly hopping with glee*) It's a story you're all quite familiar with...YES!! It's...THE PENDANT!! It's back, and it's more putrid than ever!!
Ramirez: (*pales considerably*) .....no.....
Ayu: There, there. (*sympathy huggles*)
Ramirez: Hey!! Stop that!! (*pushes her off and hides behind Xelloss*)
Xelloss: ^_^;; She was just trying to be nice...
Ayu: Yeah, I was. I wasn't even trying to feel you up or anything this time.
Ramirez: I can never tell with you. Stay away from me!!
Faye: (*smirks*) But you two make such a cute couple!
Ramirez: (*DEATH GLARE*) ........
Hojo: WOULD YOU STOP IGNORING ME!?!? Cloud!! Send them the fanfic!! They'll pay for their insolence!
Cloud: Yeah, I'm sure. (*presses the button*)
(*klaxons, sirens, bright lights, dadada*)
Lezard: YOU KNOW WHAT WE GOT!!
(*the riffers dash to the kitchen, grab munchies, then resentfully meander towards the theatre*)
DOOR 1: Huge double doors inscribed with kanji reading “Kyuu Sei Shu”. Ayu uses her divine Author powers to open them.
DOOR 2: An elven-style stone door a la the one to the Mines of Moria in LotR. Ianthe says “friend in Elvish”, causing it to grind open.
DOOR 3: A door inscribed with the six Moons of the Arcadia world. Ramirez uses the Silver Crystal in his left hand to trigger the power to open them.
DOOR 4: Prison bars. Faye uses one of her high-tech secret gadgets to pick the lock.
DOOR 5: A hideous door composed of decomposing bodies. Lezard uses his necromancy to get them to shuffle out of the way.
DOOR 6: A regular door, only without a doorknob. Being the only one who hasn’t done anything, Xelloss pries it open with his staff.
[ Ianthe | Xelloss | Ayu | Lezard | Faye | Ramirez ]
>Down she fell; down, down, ever down.
Xelloss: Down, and then down some more. Down a little more, down--no, up, up!....down.
>There was nothing but black all around her, nothing but awful, darkening black.
Ayu: If it's black, how can it be darkening? It's already devoid of
Ianthe: (*singing*) When you are born, you're afraid of the darkness, then you're afraid of the liiiight....
Lezard: My ears are bleeding...
Ianthe: (*sulking*) You're just mean...
>She opened her mouth to scream but no sound came out.
All: THANK GOD.
>Her arms were bleeding profusely,
Ayu: Wow, she's started to bleed.
>but the blood hovered as blobs in the air as if there were no gravity.
>She was aware mostly of the blinding pain in her right hand,
Xelloss: Due to the fact that the mouth-and-eyes entity from Vampire
Hunter D had just grown into it.
Ayu: (*annoying dub-hand voice*) Well, now you've gone and done it, Sique!
>which was hanging limply at the end of her flailing arm.
>She hit solid black with a sickening thud and her head fell to the ground.
Ramirez: Disconnected from her body.
>A large crack echoed around her ears as her head slammed onto the floor
>(though there was no telling the difference between the floor and the rest of the place).
Faye: Seeing as it's all black.
>Time passed; but the type of time it was, she had no idea. When she opened her eyes again,
Lezard: Let me guess. All there was was black.
>her mind was clouded and she could only think of one word.
Ianthe: (*as Sique*) Owwww....
>Her mouth formed the word again and again,
Ianthe: (*as Sique*) Owww... owwwww....
>but it were as if someone had pressed the 'mute' button.
>Again and again she called the word, until finally, a small, lost, strangle of a voice came out of her throat, '' Ramirez.''
Ramirez: (*as himself*) Go away! Stop calling! No one's home!
Lezard: (*under breath*) Damn right.
>she called, she called it again, her voice getting stronger and stronger
until she was
>screaming it at the top of her lungs. She screamed her throat raw, and, giving up,
>she shook her head. She was lost and alone. Fear swam over her heart. She was dead.
Ayu: She's dead, can we go?
Hojo: It's not done yet.
Lezard: So we watch her corpse rot for a few hours. In blackness.
Faye: You'd enjoy it.
>She closed her eyes, and tears trickled down her cheeks.
>The thing she feared most; death. She was going to spend her afterlife in nothing,
Ayu: Or worse, New Jersey.
>just like she had always feared. Just like Ramirez did.
Ramirez: I did not! I spent my afterlife living in a condo in
Colorado with Elvis and Amelia Ea--(*cuts himself off and stares at floor*)
>She looked below her neck but nothing was there.
Faye: Hm, it looks like the Body-Snatchers paid her a visit.
Xelloss: Do they leave a gold piece under your pillow?
>The crystal was gone. She screamed and cried, her torso falling back
with pitiful hatred
>of everything. She lay there, and more time passed. Her eyes were closed, but she thought nothing.
>Her mind was blank, and slowly, she forgot everything. What was a Ramirez?
Ianthe: What's a Yuffie?
All But Ayu: What?
Ayu: (*snickers a little*)
>Who was she? Even the pain was gone.
Ayu: Ahh, the power of Codeine.
>She felt nothing but loss and fear.
Lezard: And herself on Tuesday nights.
>But then, she felt a hand close over her bleeding shoulder,
Ianthe: (*as Sique*) Paaaaaiiiiiin... paaiiiiiiiiiin......
>she opened her eyes to see a face of whose pale hair bobbed at the sides.
Ayu: ....Wait, what? "A face of whose pale hair bobbed at the sides"? What the fuck does that mean?
>His green-blue eyes looked almost sympathetic, but still had a look of bitter sadness.
Ianthe: Oh, it's Ramirez. ...Hey, his eyes are just green, not green-blue.
Green-blue is kinda teal...
Ayu: Rami's eyes are more of a verdure.
Ramirez: (*icily*) "Rami"?
Ayu: Yeah, Rami. Or Rami-chan! That's so much cuter! Don't you think that's cuter, Rami-chan? <3
Everyone Else: (*holding their breath*)
Ramirez: .............Don't call me that.
Ayu: Okay, Rami-chan! <3
Ianthe: (*mutters, pretending to pet an invisible panda*) Soon, Panda-chan, we will destroy them all...
(*everyone busts up laughing, breaking the previous tenseness*)
Xelloss: (*wiping away a tear*) Kudos for horribly in-jokes.
>Everything came back to her. She pulled herself into a sitting position,
and turned to face
>Ramirez, her eyes reflected horror and the deepest fears, and so did a small glint of Ramirez's.
>She opened her mouth to speak but Ramirez shook his head, embracing her in a hug.
Ramirez: Um, NO. Unless I'm intending to strangle the life out of her...but, no, now that I think of it, I wouldn't do that anyway. I'd have to touch her. Ugh.
>Sique's heart swelled with joy,
Ayu: And then burst, coloring the inside of her body with muscle pieces,
and she collapsed, a small line of drool and blood trickling from her mouth.
She was dead, again, can we frickin' leave now?!
Hojo's Voice: Aha, you're beginning to crack! Excellent!!
Ayu: On second thought, just forget about it.
>and the loss and fear died quickly. She felt happier than she ever
had in her whole life...life...it
>came back to her, as did the awful stifling heat and the blinding pain in her arms and right hand.
>She felt sick and weak. No, she thought, Let me die. I want to be with Ramirez.
Ramirez: Too bad. I don't want to be with you.
Ayu: Aw, you're so mean, Rami. That's why I like you.
Ramirez: (*twitches a little, turning red*) Er...
Ayu: Just kidding, Rami-chan ^_^
>She opened her bicolor eyes and looked around the room, slowly; it
came into focus. She sat up,
>though her head swam in confusion, pain and dizziness. Her fingers were in a cast and her
>arms were heavily bandaged. Her throat screamed for water.
>It was unbearably hot. Where was she? She looked below her neck and screamed horrifically.
Faye: (*as Sique*) Nooooo!! I've been turned into a man!
>A dark-skinned, young-looking nurse ran in worridly, her brown eyes
darting over Sique, ''
>You're awake! We thought we'd lost you! You were out of it for about three days!
Xelloss: No, she's been out of it her entire life.
> Now, it may hurt, but you're going to be ok. Your fingers are healing
>Your arms will be scarred, I'm afraid, but the cuts are getting better.''
>She shoved a cup of water into Sique's left hand. Sique drank it thirstily, but the first thing she did after
>it was speak in a hurried, angry voice, '' WHERE IS MY NECKLACE!?''
Ayu: At least she's original, asking where a piece of jewelry is rather than, say, where she is, or how she got there.
>She dreaded that the nurse would say that it was destroyed, or that
it was lost,
>but instead, she opened a draw by Sique's bed and handed it to her,
>'' It's a very nice necklace, I can understand why you got so worried when it wasn't on your neck, but
>we had to take it off, in case it got caught and you choked or something.''
Ramirez: I wish she'd choke...
>Sique nodded as the nurse fastened the necklace around Sique's neck.
The necklace glowed brightly.
>The nurse looked amazed.
Faye: (*as nurse*) Wow, phosphorescent jewelry! You must have plucked the back ends of a lot of fireflies to make this thing!
>'' Where am I?'' Sique's voice was weak.
>'' You're at a hospital in Nasrad. You were found in the desert near Maramba.
>But Maramba doesn't have any hospitals, so you were brought here.
>We don't know what happened, but we expect that you were attacked by some passing creatures.
>Terrible mess, you were. They must have taken your clothes, too. You were found in under-short-things and a bra.
Xelloss: Yes, monsters always take their victims' clothing.
Lezard: They do if they're tentacle monsters.
Xelloss: No, in that case, there would be no clothing left and she would be horribly raped.
Lezard: But satisfied.
Xelloss: Yes, she would be sexually satisfied, but she'd still be raped.
Lezard: And we wouldn't care.
Xelloss: Because we're bastards!
Lezard: YES!! (*he and Xelloss share a high five*)
Faye: Men are such idiots.
Ramirez: I resent that.
>You're a young girl, you shouldn't be wandering around the desert on
>A couple of thoughts swam to Sique's mind. 'attacked by passing creatures' If I was to
>be attacked by passing creatures, I'd most likely eat them.
Ianthe: CHUUCHUU ROKETTO! CHUUCHUU ROKETTO!!
Ramirez: What does that have to do with anything?!
Ayu: The kitty devours the mice and then the cat explodes when the space rocket blasts out of its body!
Ianthe&Ayu: (*sing*) Chuuchuu Roketto, nezumi wo tasukero! Chuuchuu Roketto, neko ha kowa~i! Chuuchuu Roketto, roketto sugo~i! JUBABABABA!!!
Ramirez: ..........Someone...get me out of here......
>'under-short-things and a bra' No, those are my clothes.
Lezard: Like you're one to talk. (*leer*)
Faye: (*smacks Lezard*) I'll wear what I want!
Xelloss: (*Jerry Springer trash-girl voice*) What-ever! What-ever! I'll do what I want! What-ever! (*makes W-sign with hand*)
Faye: (*gets up, picks up Lezard and smashes him into Xelloss*) SILENCE, CRETIN!!
Ramirez: Please......I've got to get out of here......
>'You're a young girl' Yes, and..? 'wandering around the desert on your
>I wasn't on my own...Ramirez was with me. Sique remembered what she'd seen in the black place,
>and wondered if she'd really died.
>If that had really been Ramirez, or
>had it been an illusion? Had Ramirez really hugged her?
Ramirez: No. Kill yourself now.
>Her thoughts were interupted by the nurse.
>'' Do you remember any creatures, dear? Small ones, maybe?''
Ianthe: (*sings*) Chuuchuu Roketto--
Ramirez: STOP THAT!!
Ianthe: (*cringes*) squee!!
>Sique felt ready to kill the woman, NO, I WAS FIGHTING A GODAMN AIR PIRATE AND CRASH LANDED AN >AIRSHIP!
Ramirez: It's not her fault that you can't pilot an airship.
that you attacked someone--someone much stronger than you, no less--in
midflight. Why must this idiot girl idolize me? I feel sullied by
Lezard: Do it all for the nookie.
>But she swallowed her words for Ramirez's sake, she didn't think that
people would take too
>kindly to the fact that she'd attacked one of the world's hero's, '' Uh...yeah...''
Ramirez: Sique has issues.
Ianthe: And you don't?
Ramirez: Not nearly as bad as hers.
Ianthe: ...You've got a point.
>One week later, Sique was free to leave the hospital, and was collected
by her parents
>and taken back to Sailor's Island. She was reluctant about this, but her parents insisted that
>she had nowhere else to go, and that they were silly for letting her leave
>home at 15 years old.
>You didn't let me leave home, Sique thought, I left because I couldn't stand you.
Ayu: Awww, poor Sique, angst angst angst. Bitch all you like; you'll
still never be as cool as Ramirez.
Ayu: What? You disagree?
Ramirez: ... (*blush*) N-no, you're right...
Ayu: All right then.
Other Riffers: (*exchange meaningful glances*)
>Her right arm's cuts were healing easily, and she no longer needed
a bandage around them,
>although the arm had turned slightly purple with bruising. Her left arm, however, was deeply cut
>by Vyse's cutlass, and had to be covered up. Sique insisted on taking up her old job at the
>weapon store, where she helped the large, bald man sell weapons.
>Quite a few travelling sailors
>came into the weapons store just to see Sique, and never left empty-handed, for;
>after meeting her, feared of being eaten.
Ramirez: ......Okay, what is this girl's problem? Is she a cannibal? I may have done several things others would call "questionable", but trying to eat people is not one of them.
>Her tag at Sailor's Island returned to her; beautiful, but deadly.
Faye: Beautiful, but insanely stupid.
>Sique's bedroom was a nice size. It was decorated with teddy bears
>girly items that Sique never found use for.
Ianthe: Aww, how cute. I never had teddy bears, though. But I did have a raccoon as a friend! We used to play in the woods together...until a troll ate him.... (*weep*)
>Her mum had been disgusted when Sique had suggested skulls of small
creatures as decoration,
>and her dad had given her an odd look. They didn't know alot of things about Sique.
>They didn't know that she ate small, passing creatures.
Ianthe: (*sings*) I love to eat them mousies, Them mousies what I love
to eat, Bite they tiny heads off, Nibble they tiny feet...
Everyone Else: (*stare*)
Ianthe: What? It's just a song.
>They didn't know that she'd worked for a perverted ex-Admiral of the
>they certainly didn't know that she wore a cursed necklace, often spoke to a supposedly dead,
>maniac silvite, or that she had tried to murder Vyse, who was somewhat an idol at Sailor's Island.
Ayu: Well, saving the world tends to do that for a person.
>Everyone pitied her and thought her weak for her failed battle with
>(which was the story that everyone now thought), and it deeply irritated Sique.
>She wasn't weak. Countless times she felt like screaming, I scarred your idol, you
>stupid people, how can I be weak when I almost killed Vyse!? But she never did.
Xelloss: Even Sique realizes that getting lynched isn't a very pleasant
Faye: Have you been lynched, Xelloss? ...She asked as if she didn't already know the answer.
Xelloss: Tee hee. ^_^
>Ramirez spoke to her again at least three weeks after the crash, when
Sique was starting to
>get worried about him. She shuddered as she entered the dark place, which brought back
>horrific memories of solitary, death-like loss. Ramirez appeared infront of her, shaking his head slowly.
Ramirez: (*as himself*) You stupid, useless human.
>'' Ramirez...I'm so sorry that I didn't kill Vyse..'' She was nervous
of Ramirez, not sure
>where she stood with him. Had it been an illusion due to near-death?
>Ramirez just continued to shake his head, he then looked up at her, his green-blue eyes sparkling,
Ayu: Woah, when did this turn into a shoujo anime?
Xelloss: (*kirakira*) (*kirakira*)
Ayu: Please stop. You're frightening me.
Xelloss: ^___^ Hee hee <3
>'' I knew you didn't want to kill him...I knew you were afraid of death...you
almost died because of me.''
>Sique blinked. Ramirez cared whether she was alive or not? She felt special.
Ramirez: Um...no...I don't care. In fact, if this gross caricature of
me were me, I would have come just now just to kill you. Screw not
getting revenge, I can wait. That's what eternity's for.
Lezard: For once, you say something I can agree with, Silvite.
Ramirez: (*irritated*) Up yours, necromancer.
>'' You're one of the only people in this world who deserves to live,
Ramirez: (*beginning to spaz*) NO SHE'S NOT!! STOP LYING WITH MY VOICE,
Ayu: Woah, Rami, calm down...
Ramirez: How can I calm down when that thing is stealing my identity?! How would you take it?!
Ayu: .......weelll.....I'm kind of an Author, so I don't appear in fanfics unless I write myself in....
>and you almost died.''
Faye: Almost, nothing! You are dead, and this is Hell! Would you like your soul well-burnt or extra crispy?
>Sique began to cry, '' It was so horrible! I went into this horrid
dark place, and
>I couldn't feel anything, and I screamed and screamed, but I was so lost...'' she didn't tell Ramirez
>the rest, because he didn't look as though he knew what she was talking about.
Ramirez: Nobody knows what she's talking about.
Ianthe: I do!
Xelloss: Ahh, to be that demented.
>It had been an illusion. She then muttered quietly, under her breath,
'' I wish you weren't dead.''
>'' So do I...then I could kill Vyse myself.''
Ianthe: Why does this Ramirez want to kill Vyse so badly? Did he read
Ayu: Shh! Don't mention that!!
Ianthe: Oh, right! Um, nothing!
Ramirez: .....Right..... (*suspicious glare*)
>Sique beamed, '' I gave him a scar across his nose.''
Ramirez: But you didn't kill him. You useless wench.
Faye: Normally I'd chew you out for being such a bastard to a girl, but Sique is so insanely annoying that I just don't care.
Ramirez: How generous of you.
>Ramirez didn't return the grin she gave him, such petty wounds...but...she'd
>she'd tried to help him. He looked at her right hand; she'd done that for him. It felt strange.
>He'd done these things and worse for Lord Galcian,
Ayu: If I were Galcian, I'd be pretty unimpressed if that's the best
Ramirez could do.
Ianthe: (*as Ramirez*) I gave those bad pirates a scar! (*beams*)
Xelloss: (*as Galcian*) ..... (*slaps forehead*)
>but he'd never had someone look up to him like this before; he'd always been the one looking up.
Lezard: I'll bet! Ramirez just screams "uke"!
Lezard: Oh, quiet, you. I bet you don't even know what "uke" means.
Ramirez: ........ (*he doesn't, but he's not about to admit that*) *mutters* I'll deal with you later.
Ayu&Ianthe: Heh heh heh.
>He'd never expected Sique to look up to him with such faithfulness.
>He'd only expected her to be afraid of him.
Ianthe: (*obscure*) I ph33r him!
>A small smile crossed his lips as he looked at the
>adoration in her eyes, but it died quickly as soon as he realised what he was doing.
Ramirez: (*as himself*) Ugh, SI. Well, time to kill her. (*pantomimes
Faye: (*as Sique*) *adoringly* Ramirez, what are you doing?
Ramirez: (*as himself*) Be quiet and hold still.
Faye: (*as Sique*) Okay! Whatever you say, Ramirez!
>'' I wish there was a way in which to revive you.''
Ayu: Well, actually, if you had a Phoenix Down...
Ianthe: Silly Ayu! You should know that battle mechanics don't carry over to the "real world"! Just look at Aeris!
Ayu: (*laughs*) *as Aeris* Um, Cloud, I'm still alive, please don't drop me into the pool...
Ianthe: (*as Cloud*) Oh well, Aeris is dead. What? Use a Phoenix Down or a Revive spell? Don't be silly, she's dead. Time to drown the body!
Cloud's Voice: DAMN YOU!! DAMN YOU BOTH!!!
Ayu&Ianthe: Heh heh heh heh.
>Ramirez shrugged, '' There's lots of interesting things which can happen
>But unfortunately, the only source of information killed themselves to stop me destroying the world.''
>Sique's eyes turned large and bright with hope and interest, ''
>You mean there might be a way that you can be...alive!?''
Ayu: (*starts singing*) I, I will survive! Ohh, as long as I know how
to love, I know I'll stay alive!
Everyone But Ramirez: (*laugh their asses off*)
Ramirez: (*mutters darkly*) Kill you all...
>'' Yeah, maybe. Unfortunately, we'll never find out.''
>'' Why not?'' Sique was highly optimistic.
>'' Because, the only people who know are the silvite elders. And they killed themselves.''
Ramirez: Stupid Silvite Elders. Although, to be honest, I didn't care
that they flung the Great Silver Shrine into Soltis...
Faye: (*as Silvite Elders*) Well, we're dying out anyway, so let's go out with a bang! Oops! Forgot we still had all this knowledge with us... Oh well, screw the humans!
Lezard: (*as Silvite Elders*) Self-extinction is so much fun, up until the sudden stop at the end!
Ramirez: Twisted, but appropriate.
>'' Wouldn't Fina know?''
>'' I really don't think so, Fina knew very little about Silvites in general until I told her...
Ayu: ...and then tried to kill her.
Ramirez: She knew too much. She had to go.
Ianthe: (*having trouble breathing*) squee...
>Besides, I think you may find it difficult to get her to tell you any
information that she does know.''
>Sique looked down at the 'floor' in a depressed way. Knowing that no-one could see him,
>Ramirez smiled at her, '' It's ok...It's not that bad here.''
Ayu: (*sings*) It's not so bad, it's not so ba-a-ad...
>Sique looked up at him disbelivingly, '' You've got to be joking!...I
felt what it was like...It's awful..''
>'' It's not as bad when I have your emotions to keep me sane.''
Ramirez: (*falls over laughing hysterically at that; the fic has to
pause for a few moments to wait for him to re-compose himself*)
Xelloss: Geez, Ramirez, are you all right?
>He turned away when he said this, but Sique was smiling warmly.
>He put out his left hand, touching the silver crystal, Sique smiled, '' My name's Sique.''
>She said, and waved as everything went familiarly black.
Ramirez: .....She only just introduced herself?
Ayu: Well, why not? Hikaru, Umi and Fuu didn't introduce themselves to their respective Mashins until more than halfway through the second season of Magic Knight Rayearth.
>The small figure of Sique lay peacefully on her bed, her right hand
newly freed from
>imprisonment, her fingers stretching as the morning sunlight cast her face aglow through the
>window. Her bicolor eyes slowly opened, the sunlight waking her rudely.
Xelloss: (*as sunlight*) Hey, you stupid bitch! Get the fuck out of bed!! (*flips bird at screen*)
>The silver pendant hung, as always, around her neck, shining happily,
>almost matching Sique's bright and sunny mood. It was at least four months after the return
>of Sique to Sailors' Island.
>Her hand now freed of the constricting cast, she felt happier.
>The cut along her arm had transformed
Xelloss: (*singing*) Transformers! Now I am a box.
>into a thick scar, which;
>although her mother found awful, Sique liked.
Ianthe: Scars are neat! They add character!
Ayu: I think Dilandeu would disagree with you. Probably rather violently.
Ianthe: (*cringe*) But that's Dilandeu...
>She seemed a bright and happy girl, but underneath, there was a flame
>a flame which begged her to find Vyse, to ressurect Ramirez, to make everything as it should be.
Xelloss: Why exactly is there this big vendetta thing between Ramirez
and Vyse? It's not like they've got some bizarre master-slave relationship
like Cloud and Sephiroth--
Cloud's Voice: What?!
Xelloss: --and they aren't gung-ho rivals like Squall and Seifer, either. And neither of them did anything in particular to piss off each other, like Zidane and Kuja. So why?
Faye: Probably because people feel that, since they're the main protagonist and antagonist by the end, they have to have some vendetta against each other, even if it doesn't really exist.
Ayu: Yeah. I don't think Vyse is exactly happy with Ramirez, but if Rami were to hypothetically say, "Yeah, I give up," I think Vyse would accept that.
Ramirez: Hmm. You think so?
Ayu: Trust me, Ramirez; once you get back to Soltis, you're screwed no matter what you do. Surrendering is your best bet if you want to live.
Ramirez: ....Bah, living's overrated. And if I didn't avenge Lord Galcian, I wouldn't be worthy of life, anyway.
Ayu: You don't--oh, never mind.
>After the accident, Sique had noticed how so many people were as Ramirez
spoke of them.
Ianthe: I won't deny that there are bad people out there, but not everyone's
a bad person!
Ramirez: Need I remind you that you're an idiot?
Ianthe: (*whines*) You're mean!
Ramirez: And you're annoying. What's your point?
Faye: The point is both of you need to shut up.
>Obsessed with gold. Ramirez was right, there were so many people who
>would have been better off dead.
>Sique tumbled down the stairs of her house
Ayu: And broke her leg. No, make that both legs.
>and out of the door, rushing to get to the weapon's
>store on time. A little boy of about four was playing on the street, and, in her hurry,
>Sique never saw him infront of her as she dashed forward.
Lezard: Hm, so she's blind as well as stupid? Interesting.
>She tripped over him, and landed heavily on the floor;
>a fog of darkness beginning to cover her mind.
Faye: ...Yeah. Children are evil.
Ianthe: Uh, not necessarily...
Faye: Um, I was joking.
>When Sique woke up, she found herself lying on her bed. A glass of
water stood on her
>bedside table, but no-one else was in her room. She blinked, how long had she been out?
>Oh well, nothing seemed to hurt. She had a slight headache, but it wasn't
>bad. Sique reached to her neck, to stroke the pendant caringly...
Ramirez: I feel violated.
>but found it gone.
Ramirez: My desire to get away from her was so intense I made the necklace disappear? I like that.
>Her eyes darted around her room in a panicked way.
>'' MUM!!'' Sique screamed. Her mother came running up the stairs hurridly, wearing an apron and a brown dress.
>'' Oh, you're awake!!'' Her mother grinned, '' I'm so happy! You had me worri-''
Lezard: (*as mother*) Oh, that old thing? Well, Sique dear, we're
sort of running low on money, so I sold it on the black market to pay for
Xelloss: (*as Sique*) Nooooo!! (*fake weeping, then pantomimes brandishing weapon*) DIE!!!
>Sique's mother blinked, '' Uh...pardon?''
>Sique took a deep breath, realising that she had spoken too quickly, '' Where is my necklace?''
>'' I don't know, dear. Where did you last have it?''
Ayu: Man, I hate it when my parents ask me that. If I knew where I'd had it last, I wouldn't be asking where it was.
>The loss of the silver crystal caused Sique to go into depression.
She had searched
>the street of Sailors' Island, but found nothing. It must have come off when she had fallen...
Lezard: It ran away. It's looking for a better host.
Ramirez: Moons, Fina would be a better host than that girl.
>or maybe someone had stolen it...She found herself glaring at everyone,
>as if to say 'Did you steal my necklace?' She often considered asking people this, but never did.
Xelloss: (*as Sique*) You! Yes, small child! Did you steal my necklace?!
Faye: (*as small child*) *pretends to cry* Mommy, Mommy, this weird lady is scaring me!!
>Sique quit the job at the Weapon's store, and spent her days moping
about the house
>doing nothing. She didn't care about anything anymore. She hated everyone; she hated herself, too.
>Most of all, she hated the little four year old boy, and found
>herself throwing a stone at the back of his head one day.
Ianthe: (*visibly upset*) Hey, it's not the kid's fault you're so blind
you can't see a toddler...wouldn't the rock kill him?
Ayu: Only if it hit. Story only says Sique threw the rock; it doesn't mention if it connected or not.
>The sun beat down on Sique's scowling face through the open door of
>She sat at the table, her feet rested upon it rudely, as she sipped loqua
Ianthe: Dude! Sique's drinking alcohol?!
Ayu: (*laughs good-naturedly*) *Pegasus voice* Ah, Ianthe-boy, how naive! It's just "fruit juice" (specifically made from grapes and fermented for decades to have a fine flavor)!
Faye: Nobody's going to get that, Ayu.
Ayu: They will if they've read "Duel My Monsters <3"! Or if they've seen the episode of Yu-Gi-Oh! dubbed where Pegasus is clearly drinking red wine, yet he calls it fruit juice!
Ianthe: It's like dub-Nephrite and his "lemonade"!
Ayu: Yes, exactly!
>and her mother bustled around her; making lunch and dusting around
her now-bitter daughter.
>The poor woman didn't know what to think. She guessed her daughter's sudden turn over the
>last few days had something to do with the accident...but...
Ayu: Well, she could have injured her brain, and pulled a Phineas Gage
Lezard: (*confused*) Huh?
Ayu: It's from my home world. Guy got a rod through the brain, and lived, but his personality changed.
Lezard: Wow. Really? I'll have to try to experiment on that...
Ianthe: Oh, by the Lady! You had to tell him, didn't you?
Ayu: (*shrugs sheepishly*)
>Sique's attention was snatched away by a figure walking past the door.
Xelloss: (*as figure*) Hah! I stole your attention! (*pantomimes running away*)
>Only one thing registered in her mind, he was wearing her pendant.
It shimmered and shone
>as he walked past, and, as if feeling Sique's presence, suddenly burnt a bright white as she
>looked at it. She leapt from her seat abruptly, vastly shocking her mother,
Ianthe: (*as Sique's Mother*) Moons, she moved! I though I would have to use her as furniture before long.
>and vaulted out of the door to grab the man by the shoulder.
>When he turned, he didn't seem very suprised to see her.
>'' I thought you might come for it.''
Ayu: ...So...he took her pendant, let her mope around, and then walks by her house wearing it to see if she notices? What an asshole.
>He had a calm voice, and short, black hair; turning slightly grey at
>His deep blue eyes twinkled, reflecting from the
>pendant, which was still shining painfully brightly.
Faye: That thing's gonna ruin someone's eyes.
>Sique's bicolor eyes reflected anger, suprise, and happiness on finding
of her necklace,
>she stared at the man, '' Why did you steal it!?''
>He smiled, the corners of his mouth creasing, '' I didn't steal it; I borrowed it...''
Ianthe: For an extended period of time without asking first!
Ramirez: For what purpose did he "borrow" it, anyway?
>he slipped the necklace from his neck and handed it to Sique, who was
annoyed that he
>had taken it, but far too happy on being reunited with her pendant to show anger.
>She hugged the crystal, which glowed impossibly bright, almost emmiting happiness.
Lezard: (*starts humming Romeo and Juliet*)
Ramirez: Please stop.
>Sique's heart swelled as she put the necklace back where it belonged; around her neck.
Ramirez: Where it resumed growing tighter and tighter until it had strangled
her to death! But no, it didn't stop there; it continued to constrict her
neck until it cut through her flesh and decapitated her, upon which both
the head and the pendant bounced away into the darkness, never to be seen
Ayu: What, Sique's head or the pendant?
Ramirez: (*flaming eyes*) BOTH.
>The man was smiling broadly, and Sique found him rather creepy,
Lezard: Since she knew he was a pedophile.
Faye: Ick. (*makes a face*)
Lezard: What? I didn't say he did anything, just that he prefered the company of small children.
>she looked at him oddly. Noticing her gaze, the man opened his mouth;
his voice lowered, ''
>I know that you're half silvite,''
Faye: What? Ramirez, is that possible?
Ramirez: NO!! (*going into rant mode*) First of all, all the Silvites live in the Great Silver Shrine, and have done so for a thousand years!! And even if some Silvites had survived the Rains of Destruction and lived on, the bloodline would be so dilute as to not even exist in the present storyline!! (*BREEEEEATHE*)
>Sique blinked at this, sure, she had half-white hair, and a green eye, but...
Faye: But strange character designs certainly didn't make her half of
a race she couldn't possibly be.
Xelloss: Yeah. Just because you half look like something--
Lezard: --and how appropriate that Sique is exactly half!--
Xelloss: --doesn't mean that you are half-whatever!
>she was about to say something when the man carried on, interupting
>It's obvious that they were very close to you... deaths can be tragic...and I know a way to
>bring them back...if you don't mind me asking, little girl, who was this to you?''
Ianthe: Oh my god, it's Deus Ex Machina Man!
Ayu: Nananananananana, nananananananana, DEUSEXMACHINAMAAAAN!!
Faye: That's a hell of a stretch.
Ayu: It was supposed to be. It's Deus Ex Machina Man, after all.
Ianthe: Woah, it's over.
ENTRY SEQUENCE...IN REVERSE!
DOOR 6: A regular door, only without a doorknob. Xelloss shrugs and blows it apart with his nifty Mazoku powers.
DOOR 5: Vast double doors sealed with powerful magic. Lezard invokes a power word to get them open.
DOOR 4: A castle gate guarded by two lonely mooks. Faye uses her “feminine wiles” to get past ‘em.
DOOR 3: The entryway to an airship. Ramirez, tired of all this bullshit, Silver Eclipses it into six separate pieces.
DOOR 2: Boughs of trees blocking their way. Being a ranger, Ianthe manages to talk them into moving out the way.
DOOR 1: Vast, Victorian-style double doors inscribed with the English letters, “M E S S I A H”, going around in a circle. Ayu gets pissed and tells them to stop stealing her original ideas, and they hastily open at risk of a lawsuit.
Ramirez: (*fuming*) Stupid Sique, what the hell does she think she's doing, making me go out of character... I swear, if I ever meet her, I'm going to make her rue the day she was conceived...
Ayu: Plotting of death later. Now, video games!
Ianthe: INSANITY EVENT, YEAH!!
(*the two run off, dragging Ramirez and Lezard along*)
Faye: Yeah, thanks for leaving us behind to deal with the friggin' mad scientist.
Xelloss: Look on the bright side; at least them running off will make him mad. (*hits com button*)
Hojo: (*sees only Faye and Lezard*) Where are the others?
Faye: Ran off to play video games. (*lighting a cigarette*)
Hojo: DAMN THEM!! I'll make them all pay!! Oh, yes, how they will pay...but that will come later. For now, how did you two take to this installment?
Xelloss: I dunno, it was bad, but it didn't seem as bad as it could have been. Aside from the spelling errors, grammatical errors, capitalization errors, and characterization errors, I mean. Oh, and although it's not my place to say, I don't think Ramirez appreciates that fic-Ramirez seems to be falling for Sique.
Faye: Can you blame him? (*takes a drag*) I thought it was amazingly cheap that Sique turned out to be half-Silvite, especially since it's supposed to be impossible. Whatever humility the author was showing at the start of the story by portraying herself as an idiot has completely flown out the window. I'm just glad there's only one more installation of this piece of crap and then it's done.
Hojo: (*twitching*) You're both taking it...remarkably well.
Faye: (*shrugs*) It's not me getting butchered and falling in love with some obnoxious self-insertion.
Xelloss: Likewise. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go see what video games Ayu-san and the others have!
Faye: You're actually curious?! ...Oh, whatever, I may as well go too. There's nothing else to do. (*walks off with Xelloss*)
Hojo: DAMN THEM!! And especially damn Ayu, Lezard, Ramirez and Ianthe...running away before I can fully question them...have they no respect for science?! (*continues ranting in such a manner*)
Cloud: (*sigh*) Why do I have to be the sane one...? (*hits the com button, since no one else seems like they're going to*)
OK: Disclaimer time!!
We do not own several of the characters used in the fic. All Skies of Arcadia/Eternal Arcadia characters/locations belong to Dreamworks. Xelloss and everyone else are owned by their respective owners.
We also do not own the fic being riffed. It belongs to Sique Tsuki. Since we did not ask first, let us know if you want us to take down the riffing. We're nice people (really!); we can work something out. Just be polite, and we will, too.
The whole concept of Mystery Science Theatre is copyright Best Brains, Inc.
We do, however, own ourselves. Do not use us without our permission.
>Sique felt ready to kill the woman, NO, I WAS FIGHTING A GODAMN AIR PIRATE AND CRASH LANDED AN >AIRSHIP!