------------------------------------------------------------

In a yet undetermined time
I can't tell when it would be!
There were a bunch of people
Quite different from you and me!

None of them were from the same universe,
And normally they would never converse,
But circumstances being what they are,
Hojo stole them from their homes and sent them in the sky so far!

Everyone: GET...US...DOOOOWN!!!

(Hojo) I'll send them stupid fanfics,
The worst that I can find! (La la la!)
I'll make them sit and read them all
And experiment on their minds! (La la la!)

Now keep in mind they can't control
Where the fanfics begin or end. (La la la!)
They'll just have to try and retain their sanity
With the jokes that they make!

(*music stops*)
Hojo: That doesn't rhyme, you know...
Ayu: Shut up, ratboy!
(*music starts up again*)

RIFFER ROLL CALL!

Ayu! ("OOOHOHOHOHOHO!")
Ianthe! ("Make...the hurting...stop!")
Lezard Valeth! ("Open the gates of Niflheim!")
Ramirez! ("DIE!")
Xelloss! ("Sore ha himitsu desu! <3")
Faaaaaaaaye! ("Men are such idiots.")

If you're wondering how they survive up there,
And other science facts, (La la la!)
Shut the hell up, we were really bored one day,
So you'd better try and relax!
'Cause it's Yet Another Bad MST3K Ripoff! (*guitar riff*)
 

[ABOARD THE SATELLITE OF AMORE]
Lezard: (*draped across the top of a couch, playing with a piece of string*) *singing* I am so bored, bored, bored, I want to kill something and make it all better...
Faye: (*sitting on that couch, reading a magazine*) Lezard, shut up.
Lezard: If you want me to shut up, you'll have to give my mouth something to do. (*leer*)
Faye: (*elbows him in the face*) Why the hell do you have to keep hitting on me?! Why can't you go lust after Ianthe or Ayu?!
Lezard: Well, for one thing, neither of them is nearly as sexy as you...
Faye: (*somewhat mollified*) Well, that's understandable.
Lezard: ...And second, neither of them are around.
Faye: Hey, now that you mention it, I haven't seen the demon and the Silvite around, either. Where'd they all go?
Lezard: They obviously sensed the chemistry between the two of us and thought it best to leave us alone... (*LEER*)
Faye: Don't you have a goddess to lust after?
Lezard: Yes, but...my dear Valkyrie is currently unavailable, whereas you're right here. So, seeing as we're alone... (*attempts to place a hand on her shoulder*)
Faye: (*shoves her gun in his face*) Don't. Even. Try It.
Lezard: Er... So where are the others, anyway? I haven't seen any of them in a few hours.
Faye: (*shrugs*) Mad orgy?
Lezard: Without me?!
Faye: You're a dork. And I was kidding. (*gets up*) But finding them is better than staying here with you, so I'm out of here.
Lezard: Fine. I'll be here with my string. Whee! (*bats at string*)
Faye: (*stare*) .....
Lezard: (*laughs*) I was kidding. (*tosses it aside and slides off the couch*) They might have found a new area of the Satellite...we haven't had much of a chance to explore it yet. Not to mention the rooms labeled "Do Not Enter", and that some areas disappear without warning while others appear from out of nowhere...
Faye: (*glares at the Satellite walls*) I swear, this piece of junk's alive.
Walls: (*rumbles warningly but does nothing else*)
Faye & Lezard: .........Let's go.
(*the two proceed to search for the other riffers, and due to the unusual nature of the Satellite of Amore, their search is rather lengthy...but we won't bore you with the details, so we'll just skip ahead, skip ahead, skip ahead!*)
Faye: Hey, I hear voices behind this door! (*presses ear to door, listening intently*)
Lezard: Hey, move over! (*does likewise*)
Ianthe's Voice: --glad you talked us into this, Ayu-chan!
Ayu's Voice: Heh heh heh. You boys having fun? <3
Xelloss' Voice: As always! <3
Ramirez's Voice: Well...I must admit, this isn't as bad as I thought it would be when you originally brought it up...
Ayu's Voice: Ohohoho <3
Ianthe's Voice: Oww!! Xelloss, did you have to bring your staff?!
Xelloss' Voice: Yes, I did! It's part of my body...and you must admit, it gives me amazing reach <3
Faye: 0_o
Lezard: o_0
Ayu's Voice: Oooh, Ramirez, I didn't know you were that flexible...
Ramirez's Voice: (*sounding smug*) There are many things you don't know about me.
Ayu's Voice: Well, I--ow! Hey, that hurts!
Ramirez's Voice: Oh, sorry. This better?
Ayu's Voice: Ow!! Watch where you stick that thing!
Faye: 0_0
Lezard: 0_0
Xelloss' Voice: Hey, they're outdoing us, Ianthe-san!
Ianthe's Voice: We won't lose to them! Let's do it, Xelloss!
Faye: O_O
Lezard: O_O I can't believe it! They're really having a mad orgy without me!!
Faye: I can't believe it! They're really having a mad orgy at all!!
Lezard: I'm opening the door.
Faye: (*grabs Lezard's lapels and pulls him down, hissing*) Are you crazy?! We can't do that!! Who knows what they're doing in there!!
Ianthe's Voice: Hey, what about the hamster?
Xelloss' Voice: Oh, dear, I forgot about it, and I can't exactly get up right now, the way we are... How about next time?
Ianthe's Voice: Aww...all right.
Ramirez's Voice: WOAH!! What are you doing?!
Ayu's Voice: What? Don't like being on the bottom, Rami? Well, get used to it, because I'm not going to be moving for a while.
Lezard: I'm opening that door.
Faye: Don't you dare!!
Ramirez's Voice: Hmph! I'll get you next time!
Ayu's Voice: I'd love to see you try, Rami <3
Lezard: I am opening that door!! (*stands up and grabs doorknob*)
Faye: I can't look! (*covers eyes*)
Lezard: (*opens door and looks in to see...the four other riffers, all completely clothed, though without their shoes, and playing Twister*) *mouth drops* .........
Ianthe: (*looks up, smiles broadly*) Oh, hi, Lezard! We're playing Tag Team Twister! What's the next one, Xelloss?
Xelloss: Let's see... (*magically spins dial*) Left wing, blue dot!
Ianthe: Cool! (*moves left wing over Ramirez's head to reach a blue dot just beyond him*) Your turn, Ramirez!
Ramirez: (*sputters, shaking his head*) Hey, your wings are in my face! Move it!
Ianthe: Oh, quiet, you. Unless you want to forfeit!
Lezard: ....... (*pulls door shut and stares at the wall, mind temporarily broken*)
Faye: ........ (*opens mouth, shuts it, then opens it and shuts it again before opening it one last time and saying*) ....What the hell?
Lezard: (*laughs weakly*) Twister. They were really playing Twister. They weren't....
Faye: You know...
Lezard&Faye: (*in unison*) Doing it.
Faye: Ha ha ha...
Lezard: Hahahhaha...
(*the two start laughing nervously together*)
Others: WAAAHHH!! (*sound of many bodies crashing together*)
Ianthe's Voice: Owww....
Xelloss' Voice: Ha! You slipped and fell, so it's your loss, Ayu-san!
Ayu's Voice: My loss? Mmm, from where I'm lying, I don't think so.
Ramirez's Voice: Get off me!!
Ayu's Voice: Tee hee <3
Xelloss' Voice: Hey, it's the communication button.
Ianthe's Voice: Eh? What's about it?
Xelloss' Voice: It's flashing. Go get Faye-san and Lezard-san, I'll hit it.
Ianthe's Voice: Okay!
Faye: We may as well go in.
Lezard: Yes, yes... (*the two enter just as Xelloss hits the com button*)
Ramirez: Hey, are you going to get off anytime soon, Ayu?
Ayu: Hold on, let me think...mmmm....no.
Ramirez: ....

[FROM LABS]
Hojo: Good day, my little--WOAH! (*sees Ramirez and Ayu on the floor, suddenly gets very excited*) Amazing! Wonderful! Fascinating!! My little lab rats have started to partake in procreation!!

[IN SoA]
Ayu: No, we have not. (*gets off Ramirez and stands up*)
Ramirez: (*looks slightly amazed that Hojo did something he can be grateful for before getting up as well*)
Ayu: (*as Ramirez dusts himself off*) So what pile of pungently fragranted filth have you selected for us this time, Rat Boy?

[FROM LABS]
Hojo: (*scowls*) Don't call me Rat Boy! And what I have for you is, as I promised, parts four through seven of The Pendant!

[IN SoA]
Ramirez: Oh Moons, no.

[FROM LABS]
Hojo: (*rubbing hands gleefully*) Yes! Oh Moons, yes!!
Cloud: Oh God, please stop that.
Hojo: Silence, failure! Science is my greatest pleasure! You will not deny it from me!!
Cloud: ........I'm not touching that one.

[IN SoA]
Ianthe: For once, we don't blame you.

[FROM LABS]
Hojo: (*laughing maniacally*) Cloud! Send them...the FAN-FIC!!
Cloud: You know, the sad thing is, I'm starting to wish I was being controlled by Sephiroth again. (*hits the fic-sender button*) Then at least I wouldn't have to be aware.

[IN SoA]
(*as klaxons and alarm lights go off*)
Ianthe: WE GOT FANFIC SIIIIIIIGN!!
Others: WE GATHERED!!
Ianthe: (*weepy eyes*) Ohhh...
 

ENTRY SEQUENCE!
DOOR 1: Huge double doors inscribed with kanji reading “Kyuu Sei Shu”. Ayu uses her divine Author powers to open them.
DOOR 2: An elven-style stone door a la the one to the Mines of Moria in LotR. Ianthe says “friend in Elvish”, causing it to grind open.
DOOR 3: A door inscribed with the six Moons of the Arcadia world. Ramirez uses the Silver Crystal in his left hand to trigger the power to open them.
DOOR 4: Prison bars. Faye uses one of her high-tech secret gadgets to pick the lock.
DOOR 5: A hideous door composed of decomposing bodies. Lezard uses his necromancy to get them to shuffle out of the way.
DOOR 6: A regular door, only without a doorknob. Being the only one who hasn’t done anything, Xelloss pries it open with his staff.

Order:
       [Fic/Theatre Screen]

              [Audience]
[ Ianthe | Xelloss | Ayu | Lezard | Faye | Ramirez ]

>Sique awoke to Candy and Vigoro standing over her. Vigoro was shaking her and
>Candy was screaming and crying, her tan-blonde, wavy hair fluttering about her
>pretty face.

Ramirez: Tan-blonde?
Faye: Uh... I'd guess that's the super-light blonde that goes with deep, tanned skin... The California girl look, in other words
Ramirez: I don't know what that is either.
Faye: Well then, forget about it.

>'' Wake up! Sique, wake up!''
>'' She's dead!! SHE'S DEAD!!'' Candy was in hysterics.

Lezard: She's not dead, she's, uh, resting!
Xelloss: Look, I know a dead Mary-Sue when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
Lezard: No, no, no! She's resting!
Xelloss: All right, if she's resting, I'll wake her up! (*starts shaking Ianthe vigorously*) Hello, Mary-Sue, hello! If you wake up, I'll leave a nice review for your fic! (*continues to shake Ianthe, and yells loudly into her ears*) Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call! (*suddenly shoves Ianthe to the floor where she lies very still*) Now, that's what I call a dead Mary-Sue.
Lezard: No, no.... no, she's stunned.
Xelloss: Stunned?!
Lezard: Yeah! You stunned her, just as she was waking up! Mary-Sues stun easily, you know. Quite delicate.
Xelloss: Look, this is getting ridiculous. This Mary-Sue is definitely deceased.
Lezard: Well, she's...she's, uh...probably just pining for the bishounen.
Xelloss: Pining for the bishounen? What kind of talk is that? Look, if she's just pining, then why did she fall flat on her face when I shoved her?
Lezard: That's, uh, the natural position for a pining Mary-Sue. Saves energy and all.
Xelloss: What are you talking about? This Mary-Sue's clearly demised!
Lezard: No, no! She's pining!
Xelloss: She's not pining! She's passed on! She has ceased to be! She's expired and gone to meet her maker! She's a stiff! Bereft of life, she rests in peace! Her metabolic processes are now history! She's kicked the bucket, she's shuffled off this mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible! This Mary-Sue is no more!!
Ayu & Faye: (*dying of laughter*)
Ianthe: (*from the floor*) Ow.....

>Sique blinked and looked around her, she had been dragged onto the carpet of her
>quaters, '' I'm not dead...''

Ianthe: (*getting up off the floor and climbing back into her chair, as Sique*) I'm getting better!
Ayu: Not if we can help it! (*pantomimes clonging Sique on the head with a shovel*)

>Vigoro blinked. Candy; usually calm, threw her arms around Sique and hugged her.
>'' Why did you think I was dead?''

Faye: (*as Candy*) You were attracting flies.

>Candy opened her big, brown eyes, tears dripping down her cheeks.

Lezard: However, unbeknownst to her, her body chemistry had changed so that her tears were now
incredibly acidic. Candy screamed in pain and horror as her tears ate away her face.
Xelloss: ^__^
Ramirez: Actually, acid doesn't eat away things, it breaks apart the molecules.
Lezard: (*huffy*) You really know how to wreck the mood, don't you?

>Sique was
>suprised, she didn't even know Candy very well, '' You wouldn't wake up, and you
>were muttering something...''

Ianthe: (*muttering*) I'll get you, Judah Ben-Hur...

>''You were muttering a name.'' Vigoro knew exactly what Sique had been
>muttering,

Lezard: (*as Sique, Mr. Burns voice*) Lobo...Lobo... damn, I never should've cancelled that show!

>and nodded to Candy, '' Candy, if you could leave me and Sique alone,
>please.''

Faye: Ewww. Vigoro's a dirty dirty old man.

>Candy looked suprised, '' B...but Captain Vigoro...she almost died...you're
>not...''

Faye: Ew, it’s like Akio, except nowhere near as sexy and alluring.
Ianthe: I don’t find Akio sexy and alluring. I find him slimy.

>Vigoro shook his head, '' No, not like that, I need to speak to her.''
>Sique whimpered. Candy left the room quietly, and Vigoro pulled Sique to
>standing position.

Lezard: By the hair.

>'' Sique...you were muttering 'Ramirez' repeatedly...what happened?''

Ianthe: She had a wet dream. Isn’t it obvious from the soaked sheets?
Ayu: (*as Sique*) Aaaan, Ramirezu-sama, atashi wo daite~~~...
Ramirez: (*blushing*) Yamete kure!
Lezard: (*leers at Ayu*) Ore ha omae wo daite agerunda...
Ayu: (*bonks him*) ANTA JA NA-KU-TE!!
Ianthe: I don’t understand a word you guys are saying! (*weeps*)
Xelloss: Muahaha. We know Japanese and you don’t! ^_^

>Sique looked up at Vigoro nervously. She was pretty sure Ramirez wouldn't want
>Vigoro to know their plans, '' I...uh...I just had a bad dream, Captain. I
>dreamt that...that Ramirez was alive, and he killed everyone.''

Ramirez: I am alive. And it's only a matter of time before I do kill everyone.
Others: ..... (*start inching away in their seats, especially Faye, who has the misfortune to sit next to him*)

>Vigoro's eyes flicked over Sique. She could tell that he didn't believe her,
>''..Right...''

Faye: Riiiiight.

>'' Captain Vigoro...I uh...want to leave your crew..'' Sique sounded sad, and
>she was. Vigoro, Candy and the others were almost like a very perverted family
>to her,

Ianthe: Just like you guys!
Ramirez: (*coldly*) Excuse me? I’m certainly not your brother.
Ianthe: But you guys sure are perverted!
Ramirez: (*icily*) Excuse me? How am I a pervert?!
Ianthe: Pervert doesn’t necessarily have a sexual meaning. It just means you’re different.
Xelloss: (*as Arngrim*) Genius? That’s what losers say.
Lezard: (*as Arngrim*) He’s ‘different’. He’s ‘special’!
Ramirez: Will you two cut that out?! You’re not helping!

>but she didn't want to die.
>Vigoro blinked, '' Why?''
>Sique shrugged coldly.
>Vigoro was staring at Sique with a mixture of anger and fear, '' What's going
>on, Sique?''

Ayu: She’s dumping you for a dead guy. Weren’t you paying attention?

>Sique shook her head, '' I don't know, ok? I just want to leave..''

Xelloss: (*as Sique*) Nope. I'm not being suspicious. No sir.

>Vigoro looked out of Sique's window, '' We're nearest to Nasrad.''
>From what Sique knew, Crescent Isle (where Vyse and the others had their
>headquaters) was quite near Nasrad, '' That's fine...if you could drop me off
>there...?''
>Vigoro shrugged, '' Sure.''

Xelloss: (*as Vigoro*) Can I just get a quickie first?
Faye: (*as Sique*) Ew, no way. You're not bish.
Xelloss: (*as Vigoro*) But...but...quickie! ;_;
Faye: (*as Sique*) But, but, NO. Gimme Ramirez any day!
Ramirez: Um...

>By the time Sique arrived at Crescent Isle; it was dark, and Sique stepped off
>the airship and onto the land with a sickening wave of tiredness.
>'' Thank you for bringing me here,'' Sique said, in a slurred way.

Ianthe: (*as Sique*) Iiiiii shouna' had that lashhht loqua.....

>'' No problem,'' The woman who had flown Sique to Crescent Isle was probably in
>her early fifties, with a kind face, '' I had to come past here anyway...will
>you be ok?''
>Sique nodded, '' Yeah, I'll be fine.''

Lezard: (*as Sique*) The nice doctors told me hearing voices in my head was only temporary!

>The airship left Crescent Isle, as Sique turned around, coming face to face with
>a pretty girl, who somehow reminded her of Ramirez;

Ianthe: Because it was Ramirez in drag.
Ramirez: What?!
Ianthe: (*nervously*) Ehehe...

>she looked suprised to see
>Sique, but smiled, '' Hello.'' She had a quiet and gentle voice.
>Sique blinked, rather suprised to see her too, '' ...Hey...''

Ayu: ...I know you!

>The girl, probably about 17 years old, held out her delicate hand, '' My name is
>Fina.''

Ianthe: (*as Vyse-the-asshole*) Fina? That's a weird name.

>At the same moment as Sique realised who she was, the silver crystal around her
>neck glowed painfully; temporarily blinding Fina and Sique.

Ianthe: Woah, Silvites are Jumis!

>When the light died
>down, Fina stared at the crystal.
>Sique blushed, '' Hey..my name's Sique.''
>Fina picked up the crystal in her hand, '' Where did you get this?''
>'' I...uh...stole it...from a jewelry stand in Nasrad.''

Lezard: Isn't that crystal lying around her neck? Why is Fina just picking it up without even asking permission first?
Xelloss: (*as Fina*) Don't mind me if I invade your personal space, I just love shiny things too much to worry about silly things like that. Oooh, sparkly!

>Fina looked down at Sique worridly, she opened her mouth to say something, but
>at that moment, a girl with orange hair came running up the hill on which Sique
>and Fina were standing on. She was carrying a boomerang, which glowed yellow.
>'' Fins! Are you ok?! I saw a silver light..''

Faye: Maybe you need to cut down on the psychotropic drugs.

>Fina looked to the energetic red-head, '' Yes...I'm fine...Aika...this is
>Sique...Sique...this is Aika..''

Xelloss: (*as Fina*) Aika, this is Sique; Sique, this is Aika; Aika and Sique, this is my sledgehammer. Everyone, say hello! (*pantomimes swinging a sledgehammer*)

>with this, Fina walked off down the hill, her
>small footsteps making little noise on the grass.
>Vyse lazed back in his chair, as he looked out of the window of the Discussion
>Room.

Lezard: (*as Vyse-the-asshole*) Damnit, I was hoping they'd start up with some hot lesbian one-on-one action.

>'' Fina...I respect your opinion, and understand that his death probably scares
>you...but look at her; she's so innocent, you've got to be kidding if you think
>she has anything to do with Ramirez.''

Ayu: (*snerk*) BWAHAHAHAHA!! Vyse, you idiot!

>Fina watched below the Discussion Room, as Sique played happily with a Koketa,
>'' She tried to eat Cupil.''

All: 0_o;;

>Vyse shrugged, '' I didn't say she was normal.''
>'' That necklace of hers'...''
>Vyse frowned in thought, '' That could well be...but I don't think it'll hurt
>anyone, really...I mean...he's dead.''

Ramirez: (*frowns*) Dead? I'm not dead. I'm sitting right here.
Lezard: So what? I'm sitting right here and I'm dead.
Ramirez: Quiet, you. You're different. You're a freak.
Lezard: That's not very nice.
Ramirez: I'm not known for being "nice".

>'' We thought he was dead when we destroyed Zelos, too.''

Xelloss: What? Excuse me?
Ayu: Wrong Zelos.
Xelloss: What is up with people stealing my name? My name is supposed to be totally original!
Ianthe: There's a black-and-white cat in Cowboy Bebop named Zeros!
Ayu: You said that last time!
Xelloss: ...... >_<
Hojo's Voice: How many times do I have to tell you NOT TO BREAK THE FOURTH WALL?!?! Get you the electric death to DIE!! (*BRZAAAAAAAAP*)
Ianthe: (*charred*) Ow.

>'' Why are you so worried about a little silver moon crystal? It can't hurt
>you.''

Ayu: Someone has never watched Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon.
Ianthe: (*as random Senshi*) No, Sailormoon! Don't use the Ginzuishou! If you do, you'll DIE!
Ramirez: Now you're making fun of me, aren't you?
Ianthe: Mmmmmaybe.
Ramirez: (*eyes narrow*) Later. Not now. Later.
Ianthe: Eep.

>Fina looked down at the floor sadly, '' I don't know, but there was so much
>about Silvites that I didn't know...I'm just scared that he'll come back.''

Faye: (*as Vyse*) Don't worry, Fina, as long as there aren't any stupid plot contrivances introduced in the future, we should be all right.
Ramirez: (*as Fina*) ....We're all doomed.

>Vyse got up and hugged Fina comfortingly, '' I'm sorry, Fina...I'm so sorry...''

Ayu: (*as Vyse*) All right! She's vulnerable! Time to make my move!
Lezard: (*starts making porno noises*)
Hojo's Voice: All right, out of the theatre! Now!
Ianthe: Eh? Now what?
Lezard: Shut up, and be glad we get out early.
(*they all file out of the theatre*)

ENTRY SEQUENCE...IN REVERSE!
DOOR 6: A regular door, only without a doorknob. Xelloss shrugs and blows it apart with his nifty Mazoku powers.
DOOR 5: Vast double doors sealed with powerful magic. Lezard invokes a power word to get them open.
DOOR 4: A castle gate guarded by two lonely mooks. Faye uses her “feminine wiles” to get past ‘em.
DOOR 3: The entryway to an airship. Ramirez, tired of all this bullshit, Silver Eclipses it into six separate pieces.
DOOR 2: Boughs of trees blocking their way. Being a ranger, Ianthe manages to talk them into moving out the way.
DOOR 1: Vast, Victorian-style double doors inscribed with the English letters, “M E S S I A H”,
going around in a circle. Ayu gets pissed and tells them to stop stealing her original ideas, and they hastily open at risk of a lawsuit.

[IN SoA]
(*when they reach the bridge of the Satellite of Amore, Hojo is leering at them all from behind the screen*)

[FROM LABS]
Hojo: So how was it, my precious specimens? Are you all horribly scarred yet?

[IN SoA]
Ramirez: I'm going to make you horribly scarred, you freak.
Ianthe: (*oblivious to previous exchange*) Wow, a break!
Faye: You've decided to nice to us from now on, Hojo?

[FROM LABS]
Hojo: Actually, no. I'm getting investigated and I want it to look like I take decent care of you.

[IN SoA]
Xelloss: There's only so much you can do to cover up. You must know the minute they talk to us, we'll reveal your dirty scheme.

[FROM LABS]
Hojo: (*mildy annoyed*) And then I'll cut off your oxygen.

[IN SoA]
Xelloss: And? I don't need oxygen, I'm a Mazoku.
Ianthe: O_O But I do!
Xelloss: Awww...you say that as if you thought I cared ^_^
Faye: (*pulls a gun and shoves it in Xelloss' face*) You'd better care, or else I'll make you care.

[FROM LABS]
Hojo: Whatever. I've got things to attend to, so you have ten minutes to enjoy yourselves.

[IN SoA]
Ayu: Ten minutes until what?

[FROM LABS]
Hojo: Until break's over. (*screen goes blank*)

[IN SoA]
Ayu: Well...we've got some spare time, I guess... Anybody up for a game of duel monsters?
All Except Ianthe and Ramirez: Duel what?
Ianthe: Don't wanna.
Ramirez: Likewise. There's only ten minutes...that's not enough for a decent game.
Ayu: Aww... (*pouts and then wanders about, getting some refreshments ready for when they have to go back*)
Faye: ....I guess I'm going to have a cigarette while I wait, then. (*goes off*)
Xelloss: Ianthe-chan, want to play a game of cards with me? I have a regular deck!
Ianthe: Okay! ^_^ (*the two of them sit down to play*)
Lezard: I'm going to the bathroom. (*walks off, with Ramirez following*)
Ramirez: Hey, Lezard?
Lezard: (*without turning around*) What?
(*CLANG*)
(*Lezard falls in a heap, having been knocked unconscious when Ramirez struck the back of his head with the hilt of his sword*)
Ramirez: (*looking extremely smug*) That's what.
(*suddenly, Hojo appears on a nearby screen, looking pissed*)

[FROM LABS]
Hojo: (*screeching*) What have you DONE?!

[IN SoA]
Ramirez: (*shrugs*) Got my revenge on the first of these insects. If you'll excuse me, I think I'll carve up this necromancer's so-called "highly condensed spiritual body".

[FROM LABS]
Hojo: (*screeching an octave higher*) YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!!

[IN SoA]
(*the others have come running*)
Faye: What the hell is going on?! (*looks down and sees Lezard*) Woah. What happened to him?
Ramirez: I knocked him out. Just to prove I could.
Xelloss: Didn't he say he was already dead? How could you injure him like that?
Ramirez: I don't know how. I just said I did it to prove I could.
Ayu: Well, whatever. I guess Lezard won't be coming back to the theatre. Lucky bastard.
Ramirez: Damn!! I didn't think of that!

[FROM LABS]
Hojo: CURSE YOU ALL!! Now I have to find a replacement! Where am I going to find a replacement on such short notice?!
Cloud: There's always that Bluejay guy, that guy who's a friend of Ayu and Ianthe's...
Hojo: Silence, failure! I must think! ....I know! I'll find Bluejay, that friend of Ayu and Ianthe's, and send him up to replace the necromancer!
Cloud: .......

[IN SoA]
All: ........

[FROM LABS]
Hojo: Hurry, Cloud! We must make haste if we're to send Bluejay up to the Satellite of Amore before the ten-minute break is over!!
Cloud: Right, right.
(*the two get to work, and half a minute later, Bluejay is beamed up into the SoA*)

[IN SoA]
Bluejay: (*looks up, startled, in a pair of boxers and a white T-shirt, brushing his teeth*) WTF?
Ayu: Wow, they really did it.
Ianthe: (*waves furiously*) Hi, Bluejay!!
Bluejay: (*spits out toothpaste*) What are you doing in my bathroom?!
Ayu: Uh, you're not in your bathroom. You're in the Satellite of Amore, brought here by Hojo.
Bluejay: The wha? Who?
Ayu: Satellite of Amore. Like the Satellite of Love. Riffing bad fanfics instead of bad movies.
Bluejay: Okay...why didn't he give me some clothes?

[FROM LABS]
Hojo: SILENCE!! Just get in the theater!

[IN SoA]
Bluejay: (*facing com screen*) Why didn't you give me clothes?
Ayu: Don't worry, the Satellite will grow you some.
Bluejay: That sounds disgusting. I think I'll get my own. (*concentrates to form backwards hat, T-shirt, hooded baseball jersey, fingerless gloves, jeans, and sneakers on his body*) *APPEAR!* Cool! ^_^
Ramirez: Strange clothes.
Bluejay: Sorry, sir!! (*salutes*)
Ayu: Yeah, it's a bad idea to piss off Ramirez. He bites.
Bluejay: Ramiwho?
Ayu: Him. (*points to Ramirez, who scowls*)

[FROM LABS]
Hojo: BREAK'S OVER!!! GET IN THE THEATRE!!!!

[IN SoA]
Bluejay: Why should I get in the theatre just because he says so?
Ianthe: Just do it.
(*sirens and klaxons and colored lights go on*)
Faye: WE GOT FANFIC SIIIIIIGN!
Bluejay: (*panicking*) WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIIE!!!
Ayu: Oh, you're not gonna die, idiot. (*grabs him by the throat and drags him into the theatre with the others*)

ENTRY SEQUENCE!
DOOR 1: Huge double doors inscribed with kanji reading “Kyuu Sei Shu”. Ayu uses her divine Author powers to open them.
DOOR 2: An elven-style stone door a la the one to the Mines of Moria in LotR. Ianthe says “friend in Elvish”, causing it to grind open.
DOOR 3: A door inscribed with the six Moons of the Arcadia world. Ramirez uses the Silver Crystal in his left hand to trigger the power to open them.
DOOR 4: Prison bars. Faye uses one of her high-tech secret gadgets to pick the lock.
DOOR 5: A hideous door composed of decomposing bodies. Bluejay looks disgusted and blasts it open with a grenade.
DOOR 6: A regular door, only without a doorknob. Being the only one who hasn’t done anything, Xelloss pries it open with his staff.

Order:
     [Fic/Theatre Screen]

             [Audience]
[ Ianthe | Xelloss | Ayu | Bluejay | Faye | Ramirez ]

>Sique had joined Vyse's crew as a gunner,

Bluejay: Making minimum wage.

>like she had been in Vigoro's crew.
>Aika had disliked her for her past at first, but, once getting to know her and
>realising that she wasn't a filthy Vigoro-type, got on well with her.

Bluejay: (*makes porno noises until both Faye and Ayu hit him*)
Ayu: And after they beat Vigoro that second time, Aika was pretty okay with him. She didn't hate him anymore, at least.

>Fina didn't dislike her, but always kept her distance,

Faye: Didn't dislike her, although her body odor tended to make things unpleasant.
Ayu: (*snickers*)

>and was very fearful of the
>shining pendant, which Sique never took off.

Bluejay: The pendant she never took off, not even in the shower. Man, that pendant was disgusting.
Ayu: It's taken over her brain!
Faye: Well...yeah.
Ianthe: That's what happens to fangirls when they get too close to sexy bishies like Ramirez.
Ramirez: I can't tell if I should feel insulted or complimented by that.

>Vyse was kind and funny, and, as Sique had feared, she didn't want to kill him.
>Sique gazed up at the sky as she fed the Koketa some seed from her pocket.
>Crescent Isle was so beautiful, and she spent the majority of her time playing
>with the Koketa's, whom she had grown attached to.

Bluejay: Of course, that was the fault of the crazy glue.

>She got up and walked over to the beautiful, Cupil-shaped fountain, her
>favourite Koketa, who had become tame and was allowed to walk around freely,
>following her faithfully.

Ramirez: It's not tame. It's just biding its time until it can rise up and destroy the oppressive humans.
Xelloss: That's right! Stick it to the man! RAAAAZZZZ!!

>She stared into blank space, dangling her fingers into the water and making
>ripples. She heard footsteps approaching behind her, but didn't bother to turn
>around. Fina's voice found her ears, making her snap out of her daydream, ''

Ianthe: (*as Fina's voice*) Now I have your ears, my pretty!

>Sique..can we talk?''

Bluejay: (*as Sique*) Mmmph mmm mmmph mph!
Xelloss: (*as Fina*) I guess you can't, then.

>Sique turned around slowly, and nodded, the sun making her hair gleam, ''
>Sure...what about?''
>Fina looked sideways, a little embarassed,

Bluejay: My pet iguana can look sideways! Its eyes go 'buggabuggabuggabugga'...
Ayu: You don't have a pet iguana.
Bluejay: What?! What did you do to Mr. Iggy?!? His eyes go 'buggabuggabuggabugga'...
Ayu: You don't have a pet iguana!
Bluejay: (*leaps up from his seat and falls to his knees*) NOOOOO!!! MR. IGGYYY!!!!
Ayu: (*mutters*) Dumbass.

>'' I guess that Vigoro told you that
>I was a Silvite.''
>Sique nodded, slightly confused,

Faye: Isn't she always?

>'' Well, I wonder if you know that Ramirez was also a silvite...''
>'' I did.'' Sique replied.
>'' Do you know what all Silvites have, Sique?''

Ianthe: A third eye?
Bluejay: A tendancy of calling everyone 'bub'?
Ayu: Incredibly large...tracts of land?
Xelloss: Herpes?
Faye: Pretty faces?
Ramirez: (*icy tone*) Do you all have a death wish?!
Ianthe: Mmmmmaaaaaybe.
Ramirez: (*sword appears*) You'll be the first!!
Hojo's Voice: NO FIGHTING!!! (*electrocutes Ramirez*) (*BRZAAAAAAAAP*)
Ramirez: ...... (*collapses back on his chair, smoking slightly*) Die....

>She looked sad, and didn't wait
>for an answer, '' They have a silver moon crystal in a part of their bodies.
>Only in death can the crystal be recovered. When we killed Ramirez,'' tears were
>threatening to roll down her cheeks,

Ayu: (*as tears*) We'll do it, man! We'll roll, we swear we will!!
Faye: (*sings*) Keep rollin', rollin', rollin', rollin'...

>'' When we killed Ramirez, we threw his
>crystal over the side of the ship, hoping that Ramirez's spirit could be
>free...

Ianthe: (*high-pitched voice*) Freeeeeedom! Freeeeedom!

>we never thought that anyone would find it...and here you are, with the
>thing hanging around your neck.''

Faye: (*as Fina*) So, how the heck did that store get that thing? Vyse chucked it into deep sky!
Ayu: I guess it's possible that it was retrieved...it could have fallen on a ship or something on the way down...
Ianthe: Riiiiight.

>Sique's eyes were sparkling,

Bluejay: Mine do that too, when my allergies flare up....

>she had known that the crystal was something
>Ramirez had owned, but she had never thought that it might have been a part of
>him.

Ayu: (*as Sique*) Wow! I'm wearing the remains of a Silvite around my neck! ...COOL!!

>Fina's face was wet with tears. She looked at Sique for a long time, and then,
>'' I don't know what's happening, but I know you have something to do with
>Ramirez...''
>'' That's not true!'' Exclaimed Sique, but Fina shook her head.

Faye: (*as Fina*) Don't try to deny it. You have "fangirl" written all over you. You have something to do with Ramirez.

>'' Please don't lie, it's useless. I just hope that whatever you have to do with
>Ramirez doesn't result in any death.''

All Except Ramirez: (*snicker, then bust out laughing*)
Ayu: Hoo! Involvement with Ramirez not leading to death! Wow! What a joke!

>Sique looked to the ground, cradling the crystal in her hand, and shook her
>head, '' I wouldn't kill any of you.''

Xelloss: (*as Sique*) Except for you.... and you... and you... and definitely you... and your brother... and you, you looked at me funny....
Ramirez: (*snickers*)

>Sique returned to the dark place

Ayu: Wow. Instead of a happy place, she's got a dark place.
Bluejay: Sometimes, when I leave the lights off, the room gets dark…

>with a mournful expression. Ramirez stepped
>towards her, looking blank.
>'' I can't kill them.''

Ramirez: (*as himself*) Of course you can kill them. You just get a very sharp sword and stab them repeatedly while they're sleeping. Even a silly weakling like yourself should be able to do something that simple.

>Ramirez put his hand on her shoulder,

Bluejay: (*singing*) Put your hand on my shoulder....
Ayu: (*smacks him*) Stop it.

>Sique lowered her head, her white-tipped
>hair covering her face, '' You can, I know you can.''

Ianthe: (*as Sique*) No, I can't. I'm a vegan pacifist.

>'' Why did you choose me? What is it about me which makes you think I'm fit to
>kill them?'' Sique looked up, her hair tumbling behind her ears.
>Ramirez shrugged, '' Things.''

Faye: (*as Ramirez*) Things like me being insane. Death does that to you, y'know.

>The girl looked to him with interest, '' Tell me...''
>Ramirez looked over her, '' Deep inside you,
>there is a tint of evil,

Bluejay: (*as Ramirez, obscure*) Deep down in places you don’t talk about at the marriage counselor! You want me in your soul! You need me in your soul!

>far beyond petty revenge of your own pain; only willing to be unleashed if someone close to
>you is hurt. But the evil is clouded by kindness. You and me are alike.

Ianthe: (*as SAT test*) Apple is to hedgehog as India is to.....
Ayu: Ooh! Ooh! Is to a street-car!

>Before I
>came to this earth; I too was clouded by kindness.''
>Sique shook her head, '' I'm not a silvite.''

Ayu: (*as Ramirez*) You're a Mary Sue. Trust me, you can be whatever you want. Uh, not that I'm making any suggestions or anything.

>'' No, you're just a very rare type of person. While most are driven by jealousy
>and shallow needs, you are driven by loyalty...

Faye: ...to your obsession with bishounen.
Ayu: (*sings*) How come I must know where obsession needs to go? How come I must know the direction of relieving?

>Through you have yet to find a
>worthy cause to devote yourself to.''

Bluejay: (*as Ramirez*) Have you tried the United Way?
Ramirez: (*death glare*)

>Sique shrugged, not knowing what to say. How did he know so much about her? ''
>You don't even know my name.''

Bluejay: (*as Sique*) SAY MY NAME! SAY MY NAAAME!
Ayu: (*cringing slightly*) Rumplestiltskin! Rumplestiltskin!
Bluejay: (*pretending to sink into ground*) NOOOOOOO!!!!

>'' I know what you feel.''
>Sique looked nervously at Ramirez, she didn't like the thought of someone
>knowing her feelings.

Faye: (*as Sique*) Especially my dirty feelings! Ooh, what a pervert!
Xelloss: (*snickers*) Ramirez is a player!
Ramirez: Do you want me to kill you!?
Xelloss: Why not? It might be fun ^_^

>She sat down in the dark, her eyes looking everywhere, there was nothing, only
>dark and fog. Ramirez spent his afterlife in nothing.

Bluejay: That's funny, he spent his life living in nothing!
Ramirez: Afterlife, you dolt. And what am I doing in "nothing"? Is that some kind of specialized hell,
or am I caught up in the endless beaurocracy of Purgatory?
Xelloss: It’s a metaphor. It means you never got laid.
Ramirez: ...

>It scared her, she had
>always hoped that something nice happened after you died. A tear trickled down
>her cheek, '' What do you do here?''

Faye: (*as Ramirez*) Play checkers.
Ianthe: (*as Ramirez*) Play Solitaire.
Xelloss: (*as Ramirez*) Play whack-the-man-over-the-head-with-the-baseball-bat, WHEE!
Bluejay: (*as Ramirez*) Play with myself.
Ramirez: You are all dead.

>He shrugged, '' I don't.''
>'' You don't do anything?!''
>He shook his head, Sique began to cry.
>'' When...when I die...I...I'm so fearful of death...so, so...'' She was choking
>on tears.

Ianthe: Give her the Heimlich! Give her Hiemlich!
Ayu: No, just let her die!

>Her emotion swept over Ramirez, he blinked.
>'' You're not going to die; shut up.'' He couldn't stand her depression. If he
>hadn't been able to feel her emotions, he wouldn't have cared; but he could, and
>he hated feeling pity.

Ramirez: ....What?
Xelloss: What did I say about thinking?
Ramirez: Ugh.

>Sique was snivelling, '' I don't want to kill anyone. I don't want them to go
>through this.''
>Ramirez knelt down to face Sique, '' You have to...for me...''

Bluejay: (*as Ramirez, heavy breathing*) Sique…. Join the Dark Side….
Ianthe: (*as Sique*) No! I’ll never join you!
Bluejay: (*as Ramirez*) Sique, there’s something you should know… I am your father!
Ianthe: (*as Sique, horrified*) No! Noooo!! It’s not possible!
Ayu: (*stands up*) All right, stop it right there. No Star Wars.

>He enclosed his hand around the silver pendant; as Sique stared up at him, a
>look of faint loyalty reflected in her bicolor eyes.

Faye: (*as Sique*) Dur! He touched my pendant! I have to do what he says now!

>Vyse strolled over Crescent Isle in search of Sique, who was sunbathing on the
>top of the spare room's roof, lying on her back, with a tight, pink bikini on,
>the top of which was undone.

Bluejay: You know, this is just too easy.
Ramirez: Then why bother?
Bluejay: W--
Ramirez: (*cuts him off*) Shut up.
Bluejay: (*glares but does so*)

>The spare room had once belonged to Enrique, but
>after he had left for Valua, it had been out of use. Vyse chuckled at the sight,

Ianthe: Vyse the Pervert.
Bluejay: (*starts making porno music*)
Ayu: More like Vyse the Pimp, with all the girls he's got now.

>'' Sique, you wanna' come down? I'm going to go visit Maramba, and wondered if
>you'd like to come.''

Bluejay: Too easy. Tooooo easy.

>Sique turned her head to look at Vyse, grinning and doing up her bikini. Once
>her bikini was safely fastened around her, she slid down the roof to stand
>infront of Vyse,

Bluejay: Then tormented him to no ends by giving him a lap dance. Rawr. (*extends fingers in a cat-like fashion*)

>'' Sure...'' She was a little suprised that he wanted her to
>come, and not Aika or Fina.

Xelloss: I guess Vyse was tired of the regular goods.
Bluejay: Yeah, he wants some new meat. Mmbong.
Ramirez: I'm surrounded by idiots.
Faye: Amen, brother.

>Vyse seemed to read her expression, as the next thing he said was, '' Aika and
>Fina say that it's too hot, but I know you like the heat, don't you?''

Xelloss: (*as Vyse*) Oh yeah, baby! You like it hot and sweaty, don't you?! (*doing hip thrusts*) Ungh! Ungh! Ungh!!
Faye: What the hell is WRONG with you?!
Xelloss: (*smiling as is his usual wont*) Well, someone has to be the rampaging pervert now that Lezard-san is gone.
Bluejay: I thought that was what I was here for.
Ianthe: Can I switch seats?
Faye&Ramirez: NO.
Ianthe: Dammit.

>Sique nodded, the silver pendant dancing with her movement; casting shards of
>light to bounce off Vyse and herself.

Xelloss: (*poinging in seat*) Boingy, boingy, boingy, boingy!
Ianthe: Sique has...bounce?
Bluejay: (*leers*) How nubile is she?
Faye: (*smacks Bluejay*) That's disgusting! She's a Mary Sue, for godsakes!
Bluejay: Ow! (*adjusts glasses*) Hmm, you have a point there. (*discontinues leering*)

>'' Uh...I think maybe if you don't wear that bikini...'' Vyse had noticed how it
>barely covered her atall, although what she usually wore was little improvement
>anyway.

Xelloss: (*as Sique*) Don't wear this bikini? Okay. (*pantomimes taking the rest of it off*)
Bluejay: (*as Vyse, pantomimes staring and drooling*) Buh-buh-boobies... Huh huh huh huh...
Girls: (*just shaking their heads*)

>Sique blushed, '' Yeah, sure.''

Bluejay: Yeah, baby! Don't wear the bikini!! Don't wear the bikini!! (*making catcalls*)
Ayu: Bluejay, you do realize this is a fanfic and there's no actual picture, right?
Bluejay: .... (*hangs head*) Doh...

>'' Go get ready, then, I'll see you below.'' He jabbed his thumb behind him,
>towards the layers beneath Crescent Isle, where the airship, items and supplies
>where kept.
>Once Vyse was gone, a dark smile crossed Sique's lips. Finally, they would be
>alone.

Bluejay: (*makes porno music, again*)
Faye: Ewww. You'd think he'd have better taste than to try to screw a Mary Sue.

>Finally, she would carry out the quest that Ramirez had set her.

Faye: (*huffs as she pantomimes carrying something*) Wow, this quest sure is heavy!
Ramirez: (*sarcastic*) It must be the gravity of destiny that makes it so weighty.

>Sique giggled as the air tossed her hair sideways; the airship was flying
>quickly, since only Vyse and Sique were on it, and both of them liked fast
>paces.

Ianthe: No comment. Please, for the Lady's sake, no comment.
Xelloss: But--
Ayu: (*demonic flames of AUTHORDOM*) NO COMMENT.
Xelloss: ^_^;;; Hai...

>Vyse, who had taken the helm, laughed, and called over his shoulder, ''
>Are you ok, Sique?''

Ayu: Of course she's not. She's Sique.

>She grinned, '' Yeah, I'm fine!'' She had been putting on a show of utter
>sweetness all the way through the journey, and she was very good at it.

Ramirez: What she didn't know, though, was that Vyse despised sweetness, and was planning to drown her in vinegar, snap her neck, and toss her off the ship into deep sky.
Ianthe: Drown her in vinegar?
Ramirez: The ultimate in not-sweetness.
Ianthe: Uh, right...

>She
>flexed the blades on her weapon, smiling evily. She crept up behind Vyse, her
>right hand poised in a position to strike. One blow to the back of the neck,
>that's all it would take. And once he was dead, Ramirez would be pleased.

Ramirez: Well...no, not at all. You don't understand at all my reasons for wanting him dead.
Bluejay: Yeah, she's just trying to kill him to get into your pants.

>Maybe he'd let her keep the pendant forever.
>The thought made Sique happy. He'd be
>like a special pet which could talk and kill you if you didn't do what it
>wanted.

Ianthe: Just like my kitty!
Xelloss: Nyaoo! =>^_^<=
Ramirez: (*pissy*) Pet? "Pet"!? I am no one's "pet"!!
Ayu: Shh... Calm down. It's just a fanfic.
Ramirez: (*starting to rant*) It's the principle of the matter!! How dare this ego-inflated no-talent human take such airs with me?! Someone WILL die for this!!

>The blades now inches away from the back of Vyse's neck, Sique drew her hand
>back, ready to strike.

Xelloss: (*imitates the Psycho theme*)

>Just as she shoved her hand forward, Vyse turned. Sique's
>hand slipped to the side in suprise; the side of the top blade catching Vyse's
>face, and casting a deep cut over his nose.

Ianthe: If she's aiming for the back of his neck, why would her weird weapon-thing slip to the side, cutting his nose?
Ramirez: It's because her stupidity and absurdity is so great, even her weapon makes no sense.

>Vyse stared at Sique, unblinkingly,
>his face alive with fear and anger, but mostly, upset and suprise.
>'' WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?'' Vyse exclaimed, looking at Sique's face, which was
>curved into a sneer.

Bluejay: (*as Sique*) I'm masturbating. Wanna join me?
Xelloss: (*as Vyse*) Would I!!

>'' You killed him.'' She growled.
>Vyse blinked at Sique, confused; then, looking at the pendant, he shook his head
>in disbelief, '' Fina was right about you!''

Ayu: (*as Vyse*) But wait...that would mean--Fina was right and I was wrong! NOOOOOO!!!

>He drew his cutlass, the metal
>casting a loud 'ssssshhhhh' noise as it sliced through the air, aimed to behead
>the girl, who jumped back swiftly, shaking her head.

Ianthe: Um. That might be in character for Ramirez. But not Vyse.
Bluejay: (*a la Red Queen*) Off with her head!

>'' No, no, no you don't...you won't kill me...I'll forfil his wishes. You won't
>get away with what you've done!''

Ramirez: "Forfil"?
Ianthe: The author can't spell. Duh.
Faye: Does that count as an author flame?
Hojo's Voice: Yes it does! Cloud, the button!!
Cloud's Voice: Yeah, yeah... (*press*)
(*BRZZAAAPP*)
Ianthe: (*charred and twitching*) ...
Ramirez: I hate this place.

>Vyse stared at Sique, '' You've gone mad!''

Xelloss: (*as Sique, singing*) They're coming to take me away, ha ha! They're coming to take me away, ha ha, ho ho, hee hee, ha ha! To the funny farm!!

>Sique shook her head, positioning her left arm infront of her face for
>protection,

Ayu: Hmm. Arm versus cutlass. Gee. I wonder which will win.
Bluejay: Ten bucks on the cutlass.

>her right hand jabbing into spaces which Vyse had been.

Ramirez: Why isn't she trying to hit him? It would make more sense.
Ayu: When has the fic made sense?

>But each
>time, he dodged, and Sique missed.

Ayu: Makes sense, being that her arm's in front of her face. Doing that sort of, you know, impedes with one's ability to see and aim.
Ianthe: (*having recovered from her electrocution*) Unless you take the Blindfight Feat.
Ayu: Except this is not D&D Third Edition!

>Vyse sliced his cutlass through the air,
>making a deep scratch over her left arm.

Bluejay: Wait! I thought it said he sliced through the air!
Faye: Pressure slash. It's used all the time in cheesy samurai anime.

>The pain fuelled determination and
>power.

Bluejay: The determination and power that you get when you drink Mountain Dew™!

>Sique pulled back her right arm, making a fist, then slammed it into
>where Vyse's head would have been. He ducked before the blades could get him,
>but didn't miss the bottom of Sique's fist, which smacked him hard over the
>forehead.

Ianthe: Wait, fists punch, they don't smack... Ow.
Xelloss: (*pats her head*) No thinky. Make head go boom.

>A large crack sound came from Sique's knuckles.

Bluejay: Eww, it's disgusting when people crack their knuckles. (*cracks knuckles*)
Ayu: Yeah, really. (*cracking knuckles as well*)

>Vyse was pushed back
>onto the helm, as Sique's fist went forwards, crashing into the window and
>shattering the glass.

Xelloss: (*as old man*) You damn kids are paying for that window!

>Vyse, dizzy from the extreme pain in his forehead; slouched to the floor, his
>vision blurring due to the blow to his head.

Ianthe: (*as police officer*) Sir, step out of the vehicle and walk this straight line.

>He tried to focus

Everyone: Focus! Focus!!! (*all throw popcorn*)
Hojo's Voice: Quiet, you lab rats! It's just a line in the fic. There's no picture!

>the image of
>Sique, who's left arm was dripping with blood, and who's right hand was limply
>and uselessly hanging by her side.

Ayu: But ironically enough, not dripping with blood!

>The airship, who's helm had been jogged by
>the falling Vyse, was plummeting downwards towards the desert of Nasr. Sique
>grabbed the helm with her left hand, and jogged the airship

Ramirez: Into a rock wall, killing them both. The end.

>into a straighter
>line; which cushioned but was not able to completely stop the landing. Sique was
>thrown forwards through the windscreen of the airship,

Bluejay: Continuity Error! The screen was already broken!
Faye: She punched through it. But why are you trying to find continuity in a fanfic?

>and lay limp on the red
>stained desert sands.
>Hours later, Vyse awoke with a splitting pain in
>his head

Bluejay: (*as Vyse*) And it was thiiiiiis big! (*stretching out arms as far as they can go*)

>and a searing sting
>across his nose. His back ached from where it had been thrown into the wall
>below the helm when the airship had crashed. He stood up stiffly, looking out of
>the smashed front window.

Bluejay: (*as Vyse*) Aw, geez, Mom's gonna kill me...

>He saw Sique, lying on her side in the sand, flies
>crawling over the blood which had congealed on her left arm.

Xelloss: Soon, they will lay their eggs in her flesh, and maggots will fester in the rotting wound.
Ramirez: (*dark chuckle*)

>Her right arm had
>obviously taken most of the blow from the windscreen shattering, for it was
>badly wounded.

Faye: But still not bleeding.

>He shook his head, starting up the engine of the airship, happily
>discovering that it still flew, '' Stupid girl. Stupid, stupid girl.''

Ianthe: What!? He just LEFT her to die in the desert!? This is not Vyse.
Ramirez: Mmph. Nobody's who they're supposed to be in this shoddy piece of fanfiction.
Ayu: ... Hey, it's over.
 

ENTRY SEQUENCE...IN REVERSE!
DOOR 6: A regular door, only without a doorknob. Xelloss shrugs and blows it apart with his nifty Mazoku powers.
DOOR 5: There is a single metal door. Bluejay starts to pull it open, but it begins to open of its own accord, painfully slowly.
DOOR 4: A castle gate guarded by two lonely mooks. Faye uses her “feminine wiles” to get past ‘em.
DOOR 3: The entryway to an airship. Ramirez, tired of all this bullshit, Silver Eclipses it into six separate pieces.
DOOR 2: Boughs of trees blocking their way. Being a ranger, Ianthe manages to talk them into moving out the way.
DOOR 1: Vast, Victorian-style double doors inscribed with the English letters, “M E S S I A H”, going around in a circle. Ayu gets pissed and tells them to stop stealing her original ideas, and they hastily open at risk of a lawsuit.

[IN SoA]
Ramirez: I need to kill someone. Now.

[FROM LABS]
Hojo: Do you ever not need to kill someone? You're the only one who shows these homocidal tendencies and it's very frustrating to see that my efforts aren't coming to fruition!

[IN SoA]
Ianthe: Fruitity wants him to kill people?
Ramirez: And as promised, you're the first! (*draws sword*)
Ianthe: I have a sword too! (*draws sword*)
Ayu: Uh oh.
Bluejay: This fight isn't going to last very long, is it?
Ayu: Well, considering that Ramirez already has Ianthe pinned on the floor and is stabbing her to death, I'd say no.
Ianthe: Owww! That hurts, you jerk!
Ramirez: DIE, DAMN YOU!!! (*hacks off her left arm, casts away his sword, then picks up the arm and starts beating Ianthe over the head with it*)
Ianthe: MY ARM!! YOU'RE HITTING ME WITH MY ARM!!!
Lezard: Ugh... (*stumbling in from the area of the bathroom, holding head*) What the hell hit me...? (*sees Ianthe being assaulted by Ramirez*) Wow! COOL!! I can turn her into a zombie when he's done! (*pauses as the intense violence continues*) Provided that there's something left when he's done...
Ianthe: (*bleeding profusely*) AYU, HELP ME!! I DON'T WANNA DIE AGAIN!!
Faye: "Again"?!
Ayu: RA-MI-REEEEZZ!!
Ramirez: (*shivers*) Oh no.
Ayu: (*GLOMP!!s Ramirez off of Ianthe, sending both of them flying*) Rami-chan, you'd better be nice or I'll get angry!
Bluejay: (*pouts*) Hey, how come you never do that to me?
Ayu: (*stares over at Bluejay, raising an eyebrow as Ramirez struggles to free himself, trying to hit Ayu with Ianthe's arm*) You want me to? And hey, cut that out! (*grabs Ianthe's arm away and tosses it over to the fallen ranger*)
Ianthe: The pain...the paaaain....

[FROM LABS]
Hojo: .......
Cloud: ......
Hojo: I think I'll have you all skip the review. Cloud, time to return Bluejay to his home!
Cloud: Why not leave him there?
Hojo: Lezard has returned to consciousness! There's no point in keeping him!
Cloud: But--
Hojo: SILENCE, FAILURE!!
Cloud: (*muttering under breath*)

[IN SoA]
Bluejay: Well, I guess I'm going. Nice to meet you all!
Xelloss: (*smiling*) A pleasure, Bluejay-san.
Faye: (*smoking a cigarette*) Well...you were a little better than the necromancer.
Bluejay&Lezard: Gee, thanks.
Ianthe: Hellooooo? Cleric?? Pleeeease??
Ayu: Aaan, Ramirez.... <3
Ramirez: Get off! Stop that! Stop that, too!! Get your hands off of me! HEY, DON'T TOUCH ME THERE!!!
Bluejay: (*as he phases out of the Satellite, mutters*) Lucky bastard.
Lezard: (*watches with some interest*) Ayu, you really have a thing for the Silvite, don't you?
Ayu: (*having already removed Ramirez's jacket and is now working on his pants*) What was your first clue?
Ianthe: I think I'm dying...
Ramirez: GET OFF OF ME!!
Ayu: Oh, all right. (*gets off of Ramirez and goes over to Ianthe to drag her away*)

[FROM LABS]
Hojo: I can't take this anymore. Clod, close communications!
Cloud: That's Cloud, not Clod!
Hojo: Shut up, Clud!
Cloud: (*growls*) Damn you, Hojo!! (*slams fist on button*)
(*WHOOSH!*)

------------------------------------------------------------

OK: Disclaimer time!!
We do not own several of the characters used in the fic. All Skies of Arcadia/Eternal Arcadia characters/locations belong to Dreamworks. Xelloss and everyone else are owned by their respective owners.
We also do not own the fic being riffed. It belongs to Sique Tsuki. Since we did not ask first, let us know if you want us to take down the riffing. We're nice people (really!); we can work something out. Just be polite, and we will, too.
The whole concept of Mystery Science Theatre is copyright Best Brains, Inc.
We do, however, own ourselves. Do not use us without our permission.
 

>'' Fina...I respect your opinion, and understand that his death probably scares
>you...but look at her; she's so innocent, you've got to be kidding if you think
>she has anything to do with Ramirez.''