In a yet undetermined time
I can't tell when it would be!
There were a bunch of people
Quite different from you and me!
None of them were from the same universe,
And normally they would never converse,
But circumstances being what they are,
Hojo stole them from their homes and sent them in the sky so far!
(Hojo) I'll send them stupid fanfics,
The worst that I can find! (La la la!)
I'll make them sit and read them all
And experiment on their minds! (La la la!)
Now keep in mind they can't control
Where the fanfics begin or end. (La la la!)
They'll just have to try and retain their sanity
With the jokes that they make!
Hojo: That doesn't rhyme, you know...
Ayu: Shut up, ratboy!
(*music starts up again*)
RIFFER ROLL CALL!
Ianthe! ("Make...the hurting...stop!")
Lezard Valeth! ("Open the gates of Niflheim!")
Xelloss! ("Sore ha himitsu desu! <3")
Faaaaaaaaye! ("Men are such idiots.")
If you're wondering how they survive up there,
And other science facts, (La la la!)
Shut the hell up, we were really bored one day,
So you'd better try and relax!
'Cause it's Yet Another Bad MST3K Ripoff! (*guitar riff*)
(*on the Satellite, Ramirez is in on the bridge at its computer terminal,
working diligently on trying to hack into the system*)
Ramirez: (*muttering*) Passwords everywhere, firewalls at every turn...Hojo doesn't trust anyone, does he?
Ianthe: (*leans over*) I didn't know you could use a computer, Rami...
Ramirez: (*absently*) There were networks on the Great Silver Shrine... Hm? (*looks back at Ianthe, jumps out of his seat*) When did you get here?!
Ianthe: I walked in the door.
Ramirez: (*glares at her for a moment, then sits back down at returns to his work*) ....
Ianthe: Whatcha doin'?
Ramirez: Trying to find a way out of here. If I can wrest control of the Satellite, maybe I can force it to enter the atmosphere and take us down to the surface of the Planet... (*wild glint in his eyes*) Then we can find Hojo.....
Ianthe: Yay! We can make him bleed!
Ramirez: (*sadistic smile*) Oh, he'll do much more than just bleed...
Ianthe: (*sweats*) ...So, how far have you gotten?
Ramirez: (*frowns*) I'm not sure. So many things keep getting in my way, and it's hard to tell what I've really accomplished...
Ianthe: (*shrugs*) Have fun... (*wanders off*)
Ramirez: (*mutters to himself as he continues to attempt to hack into the system*)
Ayu: (*watching him from the other side of the room*) *lowered voice* Do you think he's noticed us yet?
Faye: (*smoking*) Doesn't look that way. He's a pretty persistant guy, isn't he?
(*suddenly, Ramirez is fried by a current of electricity, and a screen opens transmissions to the Labs*)
Hojo: HA HA HA! Did you think I did not notice your feeble attempts to hack my perfect computer system? Fry!!
Ramirez: (*on the floor, paralyzed*) D...damn you, Hojo... (*attempting to get up*)
Ayu: Uh oh. One of us should help him.
Faye: You do it. You've got some kind of weird thing for him, after all.
Ayu: Uh... (*blushes and stands, then walks over to Ramirez to help him*)
Ramirez: (*shoves her aside and forces himself to stand on his own*) *through gritted teeth* Don't...need...your...help...
Ayu: (*glares, then crosses her arms and scowls at Hojo*) Still, you noticed his attempts? I would have figured you'd be too busy obsessing over Jenova to notice something as obvious as this.
Hojo: What? What are you talking about? I easily noticed his attempts!
Cloud: (*mutters*) Sure you did...
Ayu: You must be suffering a lot, huh, Cloud? I even feel sorry for you...
Hojo: (*glares at Cloud*) Anyway, other than to gloat at my guinea pig's suffering, I wanted to tell you about the lovely present I have for you all! (*smiling creepily*) It's... the next installment of 'The Pendant'!
Ramirez: (*twitches violently, not entirely due to the electrocution*) ..............
Ayu: At least it's the last one, Rami. Think of it that way.
Hojo: We'll see how you all take this! Cloud, send the fic!
Cloud: (*mutters curse words, but does so*)
Hojo: Oh yes, would you tend to the Jenova monsters? I think they need to be fed...
Cloud: (*continues to mutter curse words*) Right, right...
(*sirens, klaxons, bright lights, et cetera*)
Ayu: C'mon, you. I'll treat you to something nice after it's all over.
Ramirez: (*flat voice*) No thanks.
Ayu: Oh, fine, be that way. WE GOT FIC SIGN!! (*drags Ramirez to the theater, with Ianthe, Faye, Lezard and Xelloss joining her on the way, and the six of them enter the theatre*)
DOOR 1: Huge double doors inscribed with kanji reading “Kyuu Sei Shu”. Ayu uses her divine Author powers to open them.
DOOR 2: An elven-style stone door a la the one to the Mines of Moria in LotR. Ianthe says “friend in Elvish”, causing it to grind open.
DOOR 3: A door inscribed with the six Moons of the Arcadia world. Ramirez uses the Silver Crystal in his left hand to trigger the power to open them.
DOOR 4: Prison bars. Faye uses one of her high-tech secret gadgets to pick the lock.
DOOR 5: A hideous door composed of decomposing bodies. Lezard uses his necromancy to get them to shuffle out of the way.
DOOR 6: A regular door, only without a doorknob. Being the only one who hasn’t done anything, Xelloss pries it open with his staff.
[ Ianthe | Xelloss | Ayu | Lezard | Faye | Ramirez ]
>'' My mother.'' Within the seconds that the man was speaking,
>Sique's usually inactive brain had clicked away furiously;
Xelloss: Wearing down the gears, which which caused smoke to billow out the side. Remember to lube your brain every five thousand miles--or twenty thousand thoughts--at Jiffy Lube(TM)!
>He seemed nice; he wouldn't bring back someone evil. She had to lie
to get places, and
>once Ramirez was back, the man couldn't do anything to her;
Ramirez: However, little did she know that he was actually a serial
murderer wanted in three countries, and she was to be his next victim.
Others: (*cheer loudly*)
>surely Ramirez would protect her,
Ramirez: I think not.
>if she had brought him to life...he would, wouldn't he? She didn't bother to tell her real mother that she was going
Ayu: On the Jerry Springer Show!
>with the man, and followed him onto his airship quickly.
>Sique sat in a dusty old seat within the Natsu.
Ianthe: Hmm? Ayu, what's 'Natsu' mean?
Ayu: Dunno...the meaning changes depending on the kanji. If I were to guess, I'd say 'Summer'.
Ianthe: Oh. ...Well, that isn't a weird name.
>The man's name was Myrrh;
Lezard: He was a zombie.
Lezard: A zombie. (*imitates one*) Muuurrrrr.....
Faye: Oh. Man, that's dumb.
>he lived in his airship, the Natsu, docking it on random islands when
>By doing this, he had discovered alot of things, one of them being an ancient plaque created by silvites
Ianthe: What? It's a thing on the wall?
Faye: No, they don't brush their teeth.
>in the old world,
Xelloss: (*deep voice*) God handed down his ten commandments to humans, and they bummed mightily.
>containing instructions on how to heal wounds, cure diseases, and lastly,
bring back the dead.
>'' It only works on silvites,'' Myrrh said, his blue eyes fixed upon Sique's necklace,
Xelloss: (*as Myrrh*) Gonna kill her...gonna gut her and take the pendant...
Lezard: He already had the pendant; why go through the trouble?
Ramirez: If it meant killing Sique, I'd go through the trouble.
Xelloss: Oooh, yes yes yes. Negative emotions; mmmm.....
Ianthe: Xelloss feeds off of negative emotions. That's what Mazoku "eat".
Faye: Jesus, Ramirez must be a ten-course meal for you!
>'' I'm guessing that's why it was never used by anyone like the other
>Sacri crystals and medicine were probably invented on the idea of this plaque...''
>Sique's heart had been glowing with contentment ever since she had boarded the Natsu.
>Ramirez was going to be brought back, Ramirez could destroy Vyse,
Ramirez: I wouldn't particularly mind destroying Vyse...it's not that high on my to-do list, though...
Ayu: Revenge is sweet, but love is sweeter.
Ianthe: (*evil snicker*)
Ayu: Nothing, nothing.
>Ramirez could be with her, really...alive... '' Where is this plaque...?
Is it in Silvite language?''
>'' It's in an ancient, probably forgotten handwriting of the silvites.
>The plaque rests on
>an island off the coast of Valua, which is named by the silvites ' Tsuki Isle '.''
Ayu: (*takes a deep breath, then sings in rapid succession*) Tsuki suru,
tsuki ni suru, tsuki ha umi no ue ni nobotta, nami-suru mono no ushiro
kara jouhou ni sore ha tsuki-shita--
Ianthe: (*reaches over and hits her*) Please shut up.
Ayu: You’re just jealous that you can’t sing that as insanely fast as me.
Ianthe: I can’t sing it at all!
Ayu: Even more reason to be jealous!
Ianthe: I’m not jealous!
Ayu: Sure you aren’t.
>Myrrh smiled warmly.
Faye: This guy's being way too helpful. It's disturbing.
Lezard: What do you expect? He's a plot device with a one-dimensional personality.
>'' Where did you learn to read the writing?''
>'' It was in an old book that I found; it would be useless to most people, because
>it translated the old writing to modern silvite writing...
>luckily for me, I also have a book
>translating modern Silvite writing to our language...
>I like books...''
Faye: I like money.
Lezard: I like power and sex.
Ayu: I like yaoi.
Ianthe: I like... um... beer?
Xelloss: I like mittens. ^_^
Ramirez: I'd like to see you all dead.
Ayu: Aww, we love you too, Rami.
>He grinned; Sique felt bad about lying to him, he was kind and warm,
and glowed of
>positive energy. But she was strangely close to Ramirez now...she felt that she'd do anything to please him...
Ramirez: (*shudders at the implications*)
>Tsuki Isle was a cold and desolate place; like anything vaguely near
>Lightning streaked overhead as Sique and Myrrh stepped out of the small, docked
>shape of the Natsu. Sique was suprised that no-one had heard of Tsuki Isle before.
Ramirez: It's not that surprising, considering you just made it up.
>Despite it's hidden away location, the large, dirtied, crumbly stand erected in the middle of it was highly noticeable.
Faye: (*smacks him on the back of the head*)
Xelloss: Not to mention highly noticable.
Faye: Jesus, you too?! (*attempts to smack Xelloss, but he dodges*)
Xelloss: Heh heh ^_^
>Within the middle of the low stand was a high block reaching to Sique's
>from a silvery metal, which shone through in the places which weren't covered in dirt.
>Sique stood still, staring at the structure, as another set of lightning flashed overhead,
>illuminating Myrrh's suede jacket.
>He stepped towards the middle object, indicating to the top of it, ''
>You place the moon crystal in here. The stand must be left empty, as I chant the words shown on there.''
Ianthe: (*as Myrrh, chanting*) Pn'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl
fhtagn, pn'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn....
(*All stare at her*)
Ayu: You know, you just said all that, and I still don't know how you pronounced it.
>Myrrh pointed to the tall, far and only wall of the four-sided stand;
which turned out to
>be a plaque, divided into three sections, Myrrh's eyes were fixed on the third and longest section,
>his eyes skimming over the words as if in recolition of what
>The words were minute, and it hurt Sique's brain just to look at them.
Faye: Like hurting Sique's brain is really that hard to do.
Ayu: (*as Sique*) Twenty-point font? I can't read it, it hurts my head!
>'' The resurection will take quite some time,'' Myrrh noted, '' After
the initial chanting,
>the proceedure in which the body is rematerialised will take awhile.
>They'll be a rather pretty light show, I should think, so, whilst I'm chanting, I need you to keep watch.''
Lezard: (*as Sique*) Yay! Free porn!
>Sique stepped forward, slipping off her pendant. She stared into it's
>illuminating beauty and smiled.
>Her neck bent, she kissed it, and placed it on the
>silvery structure of the middle object.
Ramirez: (*shudders suddenly and grabs his arms*) So...cold....
>Emmidiately she leapt back as a bright, burning light shot through
the air and covered
>the entire stand in a glowing mass. Sique scuttled away from the stand, as foreign words
>began to tumble softly from Myrrh's mouth.
Xelloss: (*as Myrrh*) Ow, dammit! Stupid words keep falling on my feet...
Ayu: (*in stereotypical Chinese accent*) Ahh! Stupid foleign devil wolds! May you buln in hell!!
>Vyse and Aika sat on the top of Crescent Isle, holding hands lovingly
and watching as the
>sun began to hide behind the autumnal colored clouds. Aika's neck twisted to the side,
>resting her head on Vyse's shoulder, as she pursed her lips, the soft
>texture of them touching Vyse's skin for a second.
Lezard: I sense random sex approaching.
Xelloss: No time for that. World's coming to an end soon.
Lezard: That's exactly the time for random sex, though!
>Vyse smiled happily, and put his arm around Aika, watching the clouds
>a sudden light caught his attention, he zoomed in on the origin of the light,
Ianthe: Uhh... that'd be a bit too far for him to see...
>a worried look crossing his face.
>Silvery lights occured during things associated with Silvites, and this was usually bad.
Ayu: 'Usually'? That sounds a little racist to me...I mean, one of his
best friends is a Silvite, after all. And it's not as if everything that
emits a silvery light will be associated with a Silvite.
Ianthe: (*shrugs*) Dunno. I guess it just depends on what makes the light, which makes it stupid to assume it's automatically bad. Pillars of green light are bad, too. Remember Grendal?
Ayu: Yes, I do. (*hums Angel Attack*)
>A sickening thought fell like lead to his stomach.
>'' She's not dead.''
Ramirez: You didn't make sure.
Lezard: Say, speaking of which, how did Fina and Aika take the sudden disappearance of Sique, anyway? And the damage to the ship, and Vyse's wounds?
Ayu: (*as Vyse*) Oh, all this? We just had a little accident, ha ha...and then Sique decided she wanted to stay in the desert...that's right, stay in the desert, miles away from civilization... ha ha ha....
>A jumble of words fell from Myrrh's mouth, as the large beam of light
>structure seemed to dance in circles, Sique's face glowed from the mass of light swirling
>around her, as she perched dangerously close to the blindingly shiny stand.
Ianthe: (*bouncing up and down in her seat*) Shinyshinyshinyshinyshinyshinyshinyshiny--
Xelloss: (*bonks her over the head with his staff*)
Xelloss: You're welcome. ^_^
>A thud sounded behind her, and Sique turned on her heel to see a familiar
>next to the Natsu, an even more familiar figure stepping out.
>She must have been dazed not to hear the ship approaching.
Ayu: Hey, they got there fast.
>'' I thought you died...'' Vyse's voice was emmotionless, did he wish
that she had? It was hard to tell.
>'' No, turns out I didn't, thanks though, for leaving me in the boiling desert, an' all.''
Faye: (*as Vyse*) Well, thank you for trying to kill me for no reason and then crash my ship.
>Sarcasm flowed over Sique's voice as she watched Aika jump out of the
airship and follow
>Vyse, she looked angrier and less calm than him.
>'' How could you betray us!?''
>Sique felt hurt, '' I..I'm sorry, I didn't want to hurt you...I just...he..''
>'' ...you betrayed us for silvite scum...'' Vyse noted.
Ianthe: I wouldn't say that with Fina around. She's a Silvite, too...
Faye: (*as random Stormtrooper*) Die, rebel scum!
>Tears welled into Sique's eyes, '' He's not. He didn't deserve to die.
>He has morals and he isn't heartless...and...I just had to avenge him...He cares..''
All: (*fall over laughing*)
Lezard: Ohhh, you know what would be nice? If Ramirez, upon being resurrected, ruthlessly murdered Sique! That'd be great!
Xelloss: (*as Ramirez*) I got your morals right here, bitch!! (*stabbing motion*)
>A third and final figure stepped from the airship, her white clothing
reflecting the bright,
Ianthe: Uh, didn't she change her clothes at the end of the game?
Hojo's Voice: I saw your Fourth Wall breakage! Suffer! (*Ianthe is fried*)
>Her head was down. By now, Myrrh was glancing out of the corner of
>at the intruders, but still chanting. He didn't know what would happen if he stopped now,
>but he didn't want to find out. Cupil hovered by her head as Fina's voice tumbled,
Faye: And tripped on the rocks.
Ramirez: And broke its neck, and subsequently died a horribly pain-filled death..
>'' Don't do this, Sique...you don't know...don't understand...what do you think he will give you; love? He won't....''
Faye: Yes he will. 'Cause this is Sique World.
Ramirez: (*looking very much as if he wants to break something*)
>A tear streamed down Sique's face, '' ...He's not evil! You just don't
understand him! You're the one who doesn't
Ramirez: You're insane and delusional, Sique. Listen to what the Air Pirates have to say.
>'' Stop being dense, Sique, if you don't stop whatever's happening;
we'll make it stop.''
>Aika pointed out, stepping infront of Vyse and Fina, her boomerang in attacking position.
>Sique raised her left arm, the studded defence bracelet glimmering
>as lightning struck
>once more, '' You won't get past me.''
Lezard: Oh come on. They beat the crap out of Ramirez. What makes you
think they won't slaughter you too?
Ramirez: (*growls, left hand twitching*) Necromancer......
Lezard: What? It's true.
>A sudden bright light behind Sique made her turn around to face the
>Aika, Fina, Cupil and Vyse stared as the necklace hovered in mid air.
>The pendant was ripped from the silver chain (which vaulted over the side of the island).
>The crystal that
>was left slowly crushed into dust and fell to the floor.
Lezard: Well, looks like the resurrection failed. Oh well.
>The beam of light seemed to shrink
>into a much more concentrated form at the top of the middle object, and leapt to swirl
>around the dust.
Ianthe: (*as dust*) We must move forward, not backwards, not to the side, but always whirling, whirling, whirling towards freedom!
>The dust flew into the air as a very thin outline of a male
>figure emerged from it. The light swirled around him repeatedly, and Sique stared in awe
>as Ramirez began to materialise out of thin air.
Ayu: Completely naked.
Faye: Woo! That's one resurrection I'd like to see!
Lezard: (*a la Dr. Frankenfurter*) Come and see the res...urrection.
Faye: (*smacks Lezard again*) Dammit, what's wrong with you today?!
Xelloss: (*as Alex Trebec*) What is this fanfic in a word?
>Sique was caught off guard and Aika's boomerang came crashing into
the side of her skull.
>She fell to the floor with a sickening thud as a numbing feel of ice echoed around her head.
Faye: That was a quick boss battle.
Lezard: Yeah, Jesus, even Surt lasted longer than that.
>She rolled out of the way just as Aika brought her boomerang back down
>she had previously been lying. Sique leapt up and threw herself at Vyse, her shoulder
>ramming into him with incredible force and pushing him onto the floor
Ramirez: As opposed to only pushing him onto the floor part of the way. Idiot girl.
>She poised her right hand above his face, ready to make the final blow and kill him.
Lezard: Tough love.
>But she was outnumbered, and Cupil and Aika's boomerang simultaneously
hit her on either
>side of her ribs. She fell onto Vyse, screaming in pain.
>Vyse pushed her off him roughly, leaving her to lie on her back helplessly.
Xelloss: (*as Vyse*) Gah! Mary-Sue on top of me!! God, I need a shower, and soon...
>Ramirez watched as he found himself helpless to defend Sique. It was
>being paralysed; he could see what was happening around him, but he couldn't move.
Lezard: .... That's what being paralyzed generally entails.
>His brain screamed at the process to hurry up, as he watched Vyse's
cutlass slice across
>Sique's exposed thigh.
Ramirez: DON'T CUT HER THIGH, YOU IDIOT! CUT HER THROAT! CUT HER THROAT!!
Ianthe: (*as Ramirez*) Damn you, ritual, hurry up! I want to kill her myself!
Faye: (*as Ramirez*) Hey, Vyse, leave some of that bloodshed for me! I deserve it more than you do!
Ayu: (*as Vyse*) She tried to kill me!
Faye: (*as Ramirez*) She sexually harrassed me!!
Ayu: (*as Vyse*) ...Yeah, you're right, you deserve it more. I hold, you stab?
Faye: (*as Ramirez*) Sounds good to me! And, hey, afterwards, we can go get milkshakes!
Ayu: (*as Vyse*) Yaaaaay! ^_^
>Blood streamed from her wound, and Ramirez's mind clouded with rage.
>Vyse had killed Lord Galcian, Vyse had killed him, and now, Vyse was killing Sique.
Ianthe: Uh... he didn't kill Galcian.
Ayu: Yeah, Belleza killed Galcian.
Ramirez: I told you, I'll blame who I want.
Faye: Won't doing that make you more like this Ramirez, then?
>Myrrh watched in horror as the supposed mother of the young girl appeared
infront of his eyes.
>What had he done? Why had he helped her? It was obvious to him now that Sique was the evil one.
>She had lied to him.
Lezard: Oooh, how evil! Horrors!
>He backed away from the scene, the terrified screams of Sique and the
>buzzing of the materialising Ramirez would always cover his soul.
>He got into The Natsu
>and flew away, vowing to never help anyone again.
Faye: Thanks for the pointless aside, story.
Ramirez: You offered to help her! What she did with the help you offered is NOT lying!
Ayu: Well...actually, it can be--
Ayu: (*narrows eyes*) Just for that, I'm gonna make sure you suffer. A lot.
Ramirez: (*scoffs*) How would you do that?
Ayu: (*evil smile*) You'll see...
>Vyse, Aika, Fina and Cupil stood over Sique. For every heaving breath
>Vyse's cutlass edge rubbed dangerously across her throat.
Xelloss: Unless Vyse's cutlass is extremely dull, that would slit her throat.
>Through his legs she looked to see the stand. The outline of Ramirez
>and developing color. Her eyes met his, the two colors blotted out by the begging and
>adoring look in them. An emotion of pain swept over Sique. Not of physical
>pain, but a pain that came from Ramirez.
>A pain of seeing his sworn enemy slowly killing his last friend.
Ianthe: Sworn enemy? Huh?
Ramirez: I don't recall making Vyse my sworn enemy....nor do I recall ever having friends.
>The pain almost tore Sique to peices; but not quite. A strength washed
over her, and she
>leapt forwards, blocking the cutlass blade with her very own blades on her weapon.
>She swivelled in mid-air, landing to face the three Blue Rogues.
Faye: ...How'd she pull that off? Wasn't she more or less pinned?
Ramirez: (*clears throat*) She swiveled in mid-air, landing to face the three Blue Rogues. As they stared, a thin line of red appeared across Sique's neck, and without warning, a torrent of blood gushed from her throat as her head fell from her body, having been separated during her foolish endeavor.
Ayu: ^__^ I can picture that and it makes me a happy Ayu.
>'' Don't make us hurt you, Sique...'' Fina's eyes looked sad, '' Just
>We won't harm you, just let us destroy Ramirez.''
>Sique's dirtied face twisted into a smirk, and she shook her head.
Lezard: (*as Aika*) Bah, fuck it. Let's just blow 'em both to kingdom come.
>The need for air vastly swelling over her wish to speak.
>Vyse stepped forward, as the glow ebbed quickly, and then faded. In the time that it ebbed,
>Sique's face lit up.
>Above each of her bicolor eyes, it almost seemed as if red flashed,
>but then it was gone, as a silver light swept around Sique, jumping over
>her curves flatteringly.
>She threw her head back, and her hair fluttered crazily about her head.
Xelloss: How cute, a pun. Her hair fluttered 'crazily'. It seems even the inanimate parts of Sique are the same as she is.
>She raised her arms, and pink flames burnt in either of her palms;
a silver outline rippling over them.
>She thrust her hands forward, and the flames jumped into each other as they neared
>Vyse and the others, swelling madly.
Ianthe: What? I don't remember Pink magic...
Xelloss: It's the magic from Sique World. Pretty pink colored lights.
Faye: (*as Vyse*) AAAAUGH IT BURNS IT BURNS IT oh wait, no it doesn't. What the hell? What kind of attack it this?
Xelloss: (*as Sique*) Uh....RUN AWAY!! (*pantomimes quickly escaping*)
>Sique's face glowed red, a demonic look flashing over it,
>as a cruel, dark laughter echoed her expression. Ramirez was back.
Ianthe: (*singing, out of tune*) But the cat came back, the very next
day; we thought he was a goner but the kitty came back. He just wouldn't
Ramirez: (*gets up, walks over to Ianthe purposely, punches her in the head, walks back to his seat, and sits down, scowling the entire time*)
>The pink and silver swirled together and flared insanely, engulfing
>Aika, Fina and Cupil. It burnt horribly, and when the
>flames cleared, every one of them was lying on the floor, seemingly unconcious.
Ayu: Sasuga Ramirez-kun! He can turn even Sique magic into a deadly
Ianthe: 0_o; (*rubs head*) Ow...
Ramirez: (*mutters under his breath*) I'd better be killing someone or I'm NOT going to be happy...
Xelloss: Are you ever happy, Ramirez?
Ramirez: (*ignores Xelloss*)
>Sique's face glowed with pure joy as she looked upon Ramirez in light
for the first time.
>A large grin spread across her sweet face as she looked over him.
>Ramirez looked at her, and his heart swelled. A small, faint smile crossed his lips, and his eyes
>were cured of bitterness.
Faye: (*as Ramirez*) Finally, I'll get to kill her! I'll need nothing else after that pleasure!
>A second which seemed to last a blissful lifetime.
>The only lifetime that Ramirez and Sique would ever spend together.
All: Thank God.
>Sique was knocked into the air and fell to the floor by a force rippling
through the ground.
>Ramirez's eyes swelled as Sique looked at what was flying towards her;
>Vyse's cutlass slashed across her, and Sique fell backwards,
All, Even Ramirez: (*cheer*) GO, VYSE!! KILL HER! KILL HER NOW!!!
>her head hitting the ground almost peacefully, as Vyse veered backwards
and swayed; exhausted.
>Ramirez ran from the stand, ignoring the weak Blue Rogues, and kneeled next to
>Sique, who lay on her back, motionless except for the weak blink of her bicolor eyes.
>He rested her torso on his knee lovingly, the soft fabric of his sleeves brushing
>against her bare arms. She cried weakly, tears streaming down her cheeks.
Xelloss: I can see what's gonna come next, and it's not going to be
Lezard: Hey, Faye. What's the procedure for escaping fallout here in the Satellite?
Faye: What? I don't know. Why?
Lezard: It's just that...I think we're about to have a critical meltdown. (*indicates Ramirez, who has gone ominously silent, his hands grasping the armrests tight enough to break them*)
Xelloss: Uh oh. I suggest that we either prepare to run quickly or else duck our heads between our legs and kiss our asses good-bye.
>Ramirez shook his head, '' You're going to be ok, Sique...''
>Sique smiled weakly, her eyelids drooping. Sweet lies, lies which she wished could be real.
>The smile vanished, as she felt the
>truth slam against her, '' I'm so...afraid of...''
Ianthe: Newt Gingrich!
Faye: Unwashed otaku!
>'' You're not going to die!'' Ramirez hugged her to him, her wet cheek
pasted to his neck,
>then brought her infront of his eyes. She stared into them. Ramirez pressed her forehead
>to his lips, and kissed her softly.
Ramirez: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (*leaps up and falls to his knees, burying his face in his hands*) Nooooooo.....
>Complete happiness flowed over Sique, the last feeling she ever felt before she slipped away.
Ramirez: DAMN YOU!!! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THAT
TO ME, YOU HEINOUS FANGIRL?! WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHYYYYYY?!?!
Ayu: o_0; Wow.
Lezard: If it weren't so frightening, it would be funny.
Faye: (*having trouble breathing, seeing as she's sitting next to Ramirez*)
Ramirez: (*proceeding to destroy the theater in a manic frenzy*)
Ianthe: I say we run. Now. (*leaps over back of chair*)
Ayu: And how. (*the riffers beat a hasty retreat*)
ENTRY SEQUENCE...IN REVERSE!
DOOR 6: A regular door, only without a doorknob. Xelloss shrugs and blows it apart with his nifty Mazoku powers.
DOOR 5: Vast double doors sealed with powerful magic. Lezard invokes a power word to get them open.
DOOR 4: A castle gate guarded by two lonely mooks. Faye uses her “feminine wiles” to get past ‘em.
DOOR 3: The entryway to an airship. Since Ramirez isn't around, Ayu blasts it open with a rocket launcher.
DOOR 2: Boughs of trees blocking their way. Being a ranger, Ianthe manages to talk them into moving out the way.
DOOR 1: Vast, Victorian-style double doors inscribed with the English letters, “M E S S I A H”, going around in a circle. Ayu gets pissed and tells them to stop stealing her original ideas, and they hastily open at risk of a lawsuit.
(*the five riffers pant and gasp for breath, and sounds of destruction can be heard, faintly*)
Ayu: I think we're safe now...
Faye: Damn that Hojo...he must've known what that fic would do to Ramirez! I'm going to blow his brains out!!
Lezard: (*leers*) You can blow my brains out, Faye...
Faye: PERVERT!! (*punches him in the face*)
Ianthe: I need beer. Yes, precious fluids to get me very drunk...
(*at that moment, Hojo appears on the viewscreen*)
Hojo: Phew, that's the last of them. Make sure to lock the cages this time, you incompetent failure!
Cloud: (*offscreen*) Go to hell!
Hojo: (*about to reply, notices the riffers*) Aha! Finished already, have you?
Ianthe: (*shifty eyes*) ...You could say that...
Hojo: (*leers at them*) I see one of you is missing though... You must tell me, how badly is Ramirez scarred? Is he huddled in a corner of the theater, babbling incoherently? Or has he merely commited suicide?
Faye: He's busting up the theatre, you asshole!!
Hojo: WHAT?! MY PRECIOUS THEATRE!!! (*recomposes himself*) I'll deal with him soon. First, your comments?
Ayu: The grammar and spelling were consistently atrocious. I didn't even bother commenting on them, there was so much.
Ianthe: At the risk of sounding like moron, it was dumb. It was incoherent, and people were out character AGAIN.
Xelloss: I don't know, the OOC-ness was actually somewhat amusing. I was continually taken aback by the...shall we say, contrived nature of this last installment? I'd like to know where that Myrrh fellow got his extensive knowledge of a civilization and race that has been separated from the world for the past thousand-some years.
Faye: It was boring, it sucked, and it made Ramirez go insane. Happy?
Lezard: Faye, I'm pretty sure that the purpose of all this is to give constructive criticism rather than simply badmouth the fanfic and/or author...
Faye: Are you disagreeing with my statement?
Lezard: No, but--
Faye: Then we're done! SHUT UP!
Lezard: (*sigh*) Yes, ma'am.
Ianthe: You think he'll still be pissed off when he comes out?
Ayu: It depends on how much of his destruction he gets on. Knowing him, though, he'll probably still be mad regardless, since no matter how much he breaks, nothing in the story changed for him. I'd recommend running to our respective rooms and locking ourselves in when he finishes in there.
Ianthe: Sounds like a plan. I don't wanna fight him again.
Faye: I'll see you all later. I need nicotine and beer...
Ianthe: Oooh, ooh! Beer!
Hojo: (*has been watching the previous exchanging with rising anger*) DAMN YOU! Carrying on as if I don't exist, and my poor theatre is ravaged! I'll make you all beg for mercy, I swear it! (*gesticulating wildly*)
Lezard: (*still ignoring Hojo*) So...Ayu, you doing anything tonight?
Ayu: Don't you usually hit on Faye, Lezard?
Lezard: You've got a better personality than her.
Ayu: (*makes a face*) Which translates into, 'You're easier,' doesn't it?
Xelloss: Ayu-san! Why don't we go to your room and play video games and watch anime and read yaoi doujinshi? It'll be fun!
Ayu: Okay ^_^ (*she and Xelloss go off on their own*)
Lezard: .....Ah, hell. Why not, beer sounds fun. (*leaves with Faye and Ianthe*)
Hojo: (*twitching with rage*) I'll get you! I'll get you all! CLOUD, THE BUTTON!!
Cloud: /You won't get them, I'll get you first, you crazy old bastard.../ Yeah, yeah. (*hits the button*)
OK: Disclaimer time!!
We do not own several of the characters used in the fic. All Skies of Arcadia/Eternal Arcadia characters/locations belong to Dreamworks. Xelloss and everyone else are owned by their respective owners.
We also do not own the fic being riffed. It belongs to Sique Tsuki. Since we did not ask first, let us know if you want us to take down the riffing. We're nice people (really!); we can work something out. Just be polite, and we will, too.
The whole concept of Mystery Science Theatre is copyright Best Brains, Inc.
We do, however, own ourselves. Do not use us without our permission.
>Tears welled into Sique's eyes, '' He's not. He didn't deserve to die.
>He has morals and he isn't heartless...and...I just had to avenge him...He cares..''