In a yet undetermined time
I can't tell when it would be!
There were a bunch of people
Quite different from you and me!
None of them were from the same universe,
And normally they would never converse,
But circumstances being what they are,
Hojo stole them from their homes and sent them in the sky so far!
(Hojo) I'll send them stupid fanfics,
The worst that I can find! (La la la!)
I'll make them sit and read them all
And experiment on their minds! (La la la!)
Now keep in mind they can't control
Where the fanfics begin or end. (La la la!)
They'll just have to try and retain their sanity
With the jokes that they make!
Hojo: That doesn't rhyme, you know...
Ayu: Shut up, ratboy!
(*music starts up again*)
RIFFER ROLL CALL!
Ianthe! ("Make...the hurting...stop!")
Lezard Valeth! ("Open the gates of Niflheim!")
Xelloss! ("Sore ha himitsu desu! <3")
Faaaaaaaaye! ("Men are such idiots.")
If you're wondering how they survive up there,
And other science facts, (La la la!)
Shut the hell up, we were really bored one day,
So you'd better try and relax!
'Cause it's Yet Another Bad MST3K Ripoff! (*guitar riff*)
(*Ayu and Ramirez are hanging out in the lounge of the SoA, both looking
quite bored even as they try to busy themselves*)
Ramirez: (*looking up from polishing his sword*) Hey, Ayu. Where are the others?
Ayu: (*arranging her duel monsters cards*) They're off in the game room playing Ultimate Pong. I swear, they're warped.
Ramirez: (*rolls eyes and goes back to sword*) *mutters* Damn you, Hojo...
Ayu: (*glances up*) Oh yeah, I meant to ask. Who were you fighting when you got sent here, Rami?
Ramirez: (*sharp glare*)
Ayu: Er, I mean, Ramirez.
Ramirez: ....Hmph. I was fighting Fina and her stupid Air Pirate "friends".
Ayu: Which time?
Ramirez: (*stares*) What do you mean, "which time"?
Ayu: Well, you fight them at least three times. Two if Vyse is smart.
Ramirez: (*continues to stare*) How do you know that?
Ayu: (*smiles*) I'm a god. So was it outside Nasrad, on Crescent Isle, or Soltis?
Ayu: Oooh, final battle. Sort of. (*thought occurs to her*) Hey, that means Galcian's dead, doesn't it? Sucks to be you, eh?
Ramirez: (*stares, mouth agape, too blown away to be angry at the moment*) How...how...??
Ayu: Abusing my godly powers. Please forget I mentioned it.
Ayu: Hey, lemme teach you duel monsters to take your mind off things.
Ayu: Duel monsters. (*holds up her cards*) I don't have much of a deck right now, but it's still enough for both of us to play, I think. C'mere.
Ramirez: Um...I don't--
Ayu: Make it easier on yourself. Say yes.
Ramirez: ..... (*replaces sword and moves over next to Ayu*) How do you play?
Ayu: (*smiles, gratified*) Okay, let me show you... There's an attack rating and a defense rating, and the higher the number is, the more powerful the card...
(*after much explaining and tips and training*)
Ramirez: (*looking over his hand unaffectedly*) Well, I suppose I must admit this is a decent way of killing time.
Ayu: Yeahh. You gonna move or what?
Ramirez: Sure. (*flipping a card and placing on the table*) I play the De-Spell card to remove your Black Forest Witch's Cyber Armor, then (*flips over one face-down card in the magic/trap card row*) take away 800 of your life points with Ookaji, and take out your Black Forest Witch with... (*flips over another card in the monster row*) ...the Blue Eyes White Dragon!!
Ayu: What?! Aw, shit!
Ramirez: (*smirks*) And I believe that takes your Black Forest Witch and the last of your life points.
Ayu: Aww... (*pouts*) You suck. (*smiles*) But it was nice sharing this moment with you. (*gets up, walks to the other side, and kisses Ramirez on the cheek, causing him to turn bright red*) Arigato ne <3
Ramirez: I, uh, um, I, uh...
(*fortunately for Ramirez, Faye & Lezard and Xelloss & Ianthe show up*)
Faye: YEAH! <3 (*punching a fist into the air*) Lezard and I rule at Ultimate Pong!
Lezard: Who're the masters?!
Xelloss: ^_^; Hai hai...
Ianthe: (*spying Ayu and Ramirez*) Hi, guys!! (*waving furiously*) We had fun!
Lezard: Yeah, you two missed out on a great bunch of matches!
Ayu: Ah, it's no big. (*smiling*)
Faye: (*blinks and looks at Ramirez*) Why are you so red?
Ramirez: (*blushing furiously*) I'M NOT BLUSHING!!!
(*dead silence; then, the com button starts blinking*)
Xelloss: (*coughs and goes over to it, followed by the others, and hits it*)
Hojo: (*unusually cheerful*) Good morning, lab rats!
Faye: Can't you think of something else to call us? Clones, copies, guinea pigs, experiments, lab rats... It's all the same crap said a different way!
Hojo: Ah, my dear lady. Today I have such a delightfully horrid multi-part nugget of joy that I'll let your comment just now slide. (*rubs his hands together gleefully*) Oh, you'll suffer this time, ladies and gentlemen! Four segments of mental agony await you!!
Lezard: I'm not feeling particularly threatened yet. How about you guys?
Ianthe: Not really.
Ayu: Only if it's a sick yaoi fic starring Hojo.
Ianthe: (*falls to knees*) NOOOOOOOO!!!
Hojo: (*flustered*) What?! No!! It's just a normal fanfiction! The title is The Black Rose--
Ayu: (*perks up*) Mikage-sama??
Hojo: No, it's from Chrono Cross.
Ayu: (*irritated*) Then why The Black Rose?!
Hojo: (*also irritated*) I don't know! I didn't entitle it! Anyway, the author's name is Glenn393--
Ianthe: Oh, man, it's bad when the author has numbers in his name.
Hojo: WOULD YOU STOP INTERRUPTING ME?! (*calming down*) In any case, for your impertinence, I'm sending you into the theatre right away! Cloud! The button!!
Cloud: The fic button?
Hojo: ...Yes. The fic button.
Cloud: Right, then. (*presses the fic button*)
(*sirens and klaxons and colored lights going off*)
Ianthe: WE'VE GOT FIC SIIIIIIIGN!!
(*the six riffers get mixed up, yell at each other, get confused, and finally make their way into the theater*)
DOOR 1: Huge double doors inscribed with kanji reading “Kyuu Sei Shu”. Ayu uses her divine Author powers to open them.
DOOR 2: An elven-style stone door a la the one to the Mines of Moria in LotR. Ianthe says “friend in Elvish”, causing it to grind open.
DOOR 3: A door inscribed with the six Moons of the Arcadia world. Ramirez uses the Silver Crystal in his left hand to trigger the power to open them.
DOOR 4: Prison bars. Faye uses one of her high-tech secret gadgets to pick the lock.
DOOR 5: A hideous door composed of decomposing bodies. Lezard uses his necromancy to get them to shuffle out of the way.
DOOR 6: A regular door, only without a doorknob. Being the only one who hasn’t done anything, Xelloss pries it open with his staff.
[ Ianthe | Xelloss | Ayu | Lezard | Faye | Ramirez ]
>The Black Rose
Ianthe: It's a good thing this doesn't involve Mikage.
Ayu: I wish it did…oh, wait, if it did, Mikage-sama would surely be poorly and pitifully portrayed. I take it back.
>Glenn and Serge sat out on the dock of Arni Village. Orlha was standing behind
>them looking out to the sea.
Lezard: Then she pushed them in. The end.
Ramirez: (*crossing arms*) Not dark enough.
Lezard: I'm looking for a quick end here.
Ramirez: Mm, a good point.
>"Ever since we beat the Time Devourer I have been wondering hat happened
>Kid," Serge said. "We never did go to save her."
Ayu: (*as Serge*) We were, you know, too busy saving our own sorry asses,
Ianthe: (*a la Yzma*) Can you feel the compassion, Xelloss?!
Xelloss: (*a la Cronk*) Oh yeah. I can feel it.
>"You're right, but Norris told me that the Porre Army cleared out Hermit's
>Hideaway, she is probably gone now," Glenn replied.
>"You know what else sucks?"
Ayu: This fic?
>Serge asked "Ever since we started staying in
>Another World the people have feared me. No one will come close to me except for
>June, that poet girl in the bar.
Ianthe: 'Cause she's crazy.
Ayu: Wasn't she only a poet in the Home World? In Another World, she had given up..
>They are always in Radius' house discussing what to do with me."
Faye: Ph34r S3rg3!
Ianthe: Don’t talk like that.
Ayu: Hey, why does Serge remember any of this, anyway? And why’s he in Another World? In the best ending, Schala wipes his memories and sends him back to the Home World!
Xelloss: Doesn’t that count as breaking the Fourth Wall?
Ramirez: No. None of us are from that game.
Hojo’s Voice: However, that does count as breaking the Fourth Wall! (*fries them all*)
Lezard: (*charred*) Hey! I didn’t say anything!
>Orlha paced back and forth. "Poor Harle too, she's gone now," she said.
Lezard: She went to the great big circus in the sky.
Xelloss: (*scats the Taps*)
>"Speaking of Harle, lets go to the Chronopolis and see the Frozen Flame,"
Ianthe: Yay! Picnic at Chronopolis!
>"Yeah, Luccia should have some more information about it for us," Glenn
>The three youths stood up and walked off the dock into the market of Arni
Ianthe: Let's buy some illegal drugs!
Lezard: That's a Black Market.
>Serge was 18 years old now, with blue hair and his bandana, and his blue eyes.
Xelloss: Which he kept in the bandanna.
Ayu: I thought his eyes were a reddish-brown.
>He was about five feet and seven inches, about one hundred and thirty
>and pretty ordinary looking.
Lezard: Yeah, there are tons of blue-haired guys walking around.
>Glenn was 20 though, two inches taller and ten pounds heavier. He was
>average looking. Glenn grew up in the port town of Termina. Glenn's older
>Brother Dario was dead in Another World, but alive in the Home World.
Ianthe: He's dead and not dead!
Ayu: Sort of like Mikage! Except...beefier...and not as bishounen.
>Glenn's father was Garai, who was a strong warrior, marching into battle
with his two
Ayu: He spent his spare time haunting people, and subsequently killing them, as he was also dead.
>Dario was to be married to Princess Riddel but he was killed in
>Another World and Glenn was then assigned to protect Riddel and her father
Faye: (*sighs*) Is any of this information pertinent, or is it just for those who have never played the game?
>Orlha was a bartender at Guldove and one of the hottest girls for the
>was 32 years old and shorter than Serge. She was lighter too, but she had a
>semi-muscular build to her.
Ianthe: Um, I don’t remember Orlha’s age, but I’m pretty damn sure she
Ayu: She's 23. Number switch.
>The three exited Arni village and made their way to Opassa beach. Serge
>the Astral Amulet and went from Another World to Home World.
>Glenn and Orlha followed behind.
Ramirez: (*as Glenn*) Okay, so when we're there, we beat him up, steal
that pendant, and sell it at the Black Market in Arni Village!
Lezard: (*as Orlha*) Yes! And then a stupid girl will steal the pendant and be haunted with dreams of psychotic bishounen until she DIES! Or said bishounen falls madly in love with her. Or both. Whichever works.
Ramirez: I HATE you.
>They ran along the beach to their other boat. They hopped
>aboard and sailed to the Chronopolis.
>They jumped out of the boat and were greeted by the scientist Luccia on the
>"Hey Luccia! What's up?" Serge said cheerfully.
Ayu: (*as Luccia*) Me, you bitches! I'm high on crack!
>"I have been looking closer into the Frozen Flame and I found another
Lezard: (*as Luccia*) There was this strange octopus-like entity with
tentacles growing from its mouth, and ever since I saw it, I’ve had the
strangest urge to drink the brains of newborns...
Ayu: Sick, but appropriate.
>"Jesus, how many worlds are there?" Glenn said annoyed.
Ianthe: (*as Jesus*) Forty-two. No more, no less.
>"There are countless amounts," Luccia replied with a smile.
>The four of them walked into the Chronopolis and made their way to level B1 to
>take a look at the Frozen Flame.
Ayu: Which, being a piece of Lavos, destroyed them all. The End.
>"Do you want us to go through Luccia?" Orlha asked.
Ramirez: Wouldn’t that be rather messy?
>"If it isn't too much trouble. I asked some other people to come also,
should be here soon."
>The door to the large room opened and Norris, Karsh, Fargo, and Grobyc walked
Lezard: Carrying a kegger.
>"Ahhhh, here they are now, perfect timing," Luccia said with a smirk.
>"Luccia! What are we here for? I was just at Mount Pyre when the Chronopolis
>robots came and told me to come here quickly!" Karsh said loudly.
Ianthe: Karsh, what the hell were you doing in an active volcano?!
>"Aye! I was having a nice fish dinner and I was interrupted but your
>Fargo said impatiently.
>"All seven of you are going to go through the Frozen Flame
Ayu: How are they going to do that? It's a piece of Lavos, not to mention it's not that big to begin with.
>into the newest
>dimension discovered," Luccia said briefly. "I'm not asking you to bring
>anything back, just take a look at what it is."
Ramirez: (*as Luccia*) And I’m not asking you, I’m telling you. If you
refuse me, you will all die. Bwahaha!
Ianthe: You do that too well.
>"I-will-go-through-first," Grobyc said. "I-do-not-mind."
Lezard: (*as Grobyc*) After-all,-I-am-just-a-thing.
Faye: (*as Grobyc*) Damn-it-all.
Ayu: (*as Grobyc*) Damn-you. You-blew-it-up. Damn-you. Damn-you-all-to-hell.
>Grobyc climbed the ladder to the top and jumped into the Flame. Norris
>went next, and then the rest. Luccia stayed behind.
>"This is amazing, I wonder what they will find." she said to herself.
Ramirez: (*as Luccia*) Other than their horrible, tragic and unlamented
Ianthe: 0_o; It’s scary to hear you laugh like that, Ramirez.
Ramirez: Really? I should do it more often, then...
Faye: Ramirez, that’s not even funny.
Ayu: (*raising a hand to her mouth*) OOOOHOHOHOHOHOHOO!!
Everyone Else: (*cowering in fear*) Make it stop...
Ayu: (*smirks*) Don't mess with the mistress.
>The seven warriors landed in the ocean. They were buried under the
>was a strong current.
Ianthe: It was an undertow! They all got dragged away under the water
to a watery demise.
Ayu: Um, Ianthe? Undertows are near the shore.
Ianthe: Doh. ;_;
>Fargo resurfaced quickly and got a breath of air; he was
>always used to the water. After all, he had been living on a boat for half of
Ayu: The other half, he’d been living in a Trix box.
>Orlha used her strong legs and arms to get to the surface, she saw
Ianthe: Guess they drowned. That'll teach them to jump into artifacts.
>The two of them struggled for air all the way down the ocean current
>were washed ashore on a small island.
Ramirez: ....What? I'm having a little trouble making sense of this.
Xelloss: I believe they're trying to say that Orlha and Fargo are blitzball players, and therefore don't need to breathe.
>Serge saw Glenn underwater. Serge had seen Orlha before but he lost
>swam toward Glenn and the two searched underwater for the other warriors. They
>saw Norris a few yards off behind them. They resurfaced for air and went back
>under to get Norris but he was gone.
>They washed ashore on the mainland. They saw Karsh a ways down the beach. They
>ran hoping the others were there too.
Ramirez: (*fighting to stay away and losing*) Muu...
Lezard: (*sleeping like the dead--if you'll forgive the expression*)
Ianthe & Ayu: (*reading yaoi doujinshi*) Oh, Nakago, you silly manipulative bastard...
Xelloss: (*twiddling thumbs*) Prose doesn't get much more boring that this, does it?
Ayu: Huh? (*looks over at him*) Oh, we stopped paying attention a while ago.
Ianthe: Say, you wanna check this yaoi out, Xelloss? We got some with you and Zelgadis!
Xelloss: (*perks*) Really? Let me take a look at that...
Hojo's Voice: That's more than enough! You're here to suffer, not to sleep or get off on gay porn! (*BRZAAAAAAAAAAAP*)
>Norris caught sight of Glenn and Serge, he tried to swim to them, but
>stronger current sucked him under. He had not seen any of the others when he was
>underwater. He was losing air very quickly now; he saw all these little dots.
Xelloss: He decided to play connect the dots with them to pass the time. But that quickly became boring. Besides, he hated bunny rabbits, anyway.
>He was sucked under the sand of the ocean floor.
Ianthe: And died, a victim of the dreaded giant sand eel.
Ayu: You just made that up, didn't you?
>He fell onto the rocky floor of an underwater
>There was no water underneath there, a very strange place indeed.
Ianthe: (*yawns*) Seen stranger.
>Norris took a
>few deep breathes of air and stood up. A huge man confronted him.
Xelloss: (*as "huge man"*) Hey there, soldier boy, you sure got a purty mouth...
>The man had
>some resemblance to Guile, the magician.
>"Why are you here?" The Man boomed.
Ayu: Dude, Johnny's here! I didn't know it was 2300 AD!
>"I was sucked underwater by a huge ocean current," Norris said slowly.
>"I am the Magus, this is where I live. I made this cavern so nobody
>me, evidentially I made the magic pull a little too harsh."
Ianthe: Woah, so that’s where Magus went!
Ayu: So much for searching for his sister.
Lezard: Oh, he did search for Schala. He just got bored of it within the first five minutes and became a porn star.
Faye: Oh god! My eyes!
>"Yeah, so is there any way I would be able to get out of here?" Norris
>"Not without my help you can't," Magus said. "I am a strong magic user, I
>concealed this cavern for my own purposes but I think it's time for me to go
>back to humanity now."
Ramirez: No, don't bother. Humanity sucks.
>"How did you survive down here?" Norris asked curiously.
>"I am the strongest magician in the world, you don't think I can't make food?"
Ramirez: Well--no. Magic has nothing to do with food preparation
Ianthe: Not in video games, anyway.
>"Yeah, good point," Norris said. "Let's go. I want to find my friends,
I have no
>clue where any of them are."
>"I can help you with that," Magus said deeply.
Xelloss: Nnnno, I don't think you can.
>Magus lead Norris to a small pool, he waved his hands. "Think about
>friends," he instructed. Norris thought of Karsh.
Xelloss: He thought of their long, passionate, nights together.
Lezard: Sort of like Trowa and Quatre, eh?
Ianthe: ...I guess... but which one's Trowa?
Ayu: Norris, duh.
Ianthe: Karsh is Quatre?
Ramirez: (*getting pissed*) Would you two shut up?
Ayu: (*ignoring Ramirez*) Yeah! A big...body-built...axe-wielding Quatre. Yeah.
>The pool showed Karsh, Glenn, and Serge along the shore of the mainland.
>could hear what they were saying.
Lezard: (*as Glenn*) Gee, that Norris sure was an idiot. If he's dead, I certainly don't care!
>"Holy shit what was that?!" Karsh yelled.
Faye: That's what we'd like to know.
>"Some strong current I would say," Serge said.
>"No kidding," Karsh said sarcastically.
>"Well where the hell are we? And where are the others?" We don't even know how
>to leave this world, it was a bad idea coming here," Glenn said.
Xelloss: Bitch bitch bitch. So you're stuck in an alternate world with no chance of returning home! Where's your sense of adventure?!
>"Take me to them," Norris said to Magus.
>"Fine, is that all of them though?" Magus asked.
>"No there are two others, we can find them after we get these guys though."
Faye: Yeah, just head over to eBay, and you can buy the whole set.
>Magus took his staff from a wall and transported him and Norris to
>where Serge was.
Ianthe: (*sings*) A wizard's staff has a knob on the end....
Ayu: (*reaches over and smacks her*) Shut. Up.
Xelloss: I have a staff! It has a large shiny red orb at the end! (*evil grin*)
Ianthe: -_-; I regret saying anything.
>There was a huge flash and a loud whoosh. Serge and Karsh fell backward
>sand from the shock.
>Norris and the Magus stood there.
Xelloss: Completely naked.
Lezard: They shouted at Serge and Karsh, "Hey! What are you doing there?! Can't a couple of lovers get some private time?!"
Faye: Ew. Magus and anybody.
Ayu: But Magus is cool.
Faye: He's cool, but he's not bish!
>"Norris!" Glenn shouted.
>"Who the hell is that?" Karsh said rudely.
>"This is the Magus, he helped me get here, when I" Norris started; he was
>interrupted by the Magus though.
>"Oh no," Magus said out loud. "We are on the forbidden island."
Xelloss: Oooh, forbidden.
Ianthe: Calling something forbidden only makes people wanna go there all the more. Call it the 'Island of Income Taxes' and no one will ever go there.
>"The what?" Karsh asked. "What's so forbidden about it?"
Lezard: Nothing, really. It's just the censors didn't like the way the natives ate the local fruit.
>"Ozzie, Flea, and Slash," Magus said.
>"What is he talking about?" Serge asked Norris.
>Norris just shrugged.
Faye: (*as Norris*) Meh. Don't care.
>"Ozzie, Flea, and Slash are the tyrants of this world. We should not
Ramirez: (*as Serge*) Well, this world is obviously not worth saving.
>"Then we'll kick their ass," Karsh said promptly.
>Serge and Karsh ran to the trees behind them.
Ianthe: (*as Serge*) Race you to the trees!
>Glenn could only help but follow,
>but before he did, he turned and looked at the Magus evilly.
Faye: (*as Glenn*) I have been possessed by the spirit of HAXX0R!! H4H4H4H4H4!! J00 4R3 0\/\/NZ0R3D!!!
>"Serge has his Mastermune, Karsh has his axe, and Glenn has double
>They should be okay. I have my pistol too and you have your magic," Norris said.
>"No, they are no match for these time disrupters," Magus said uneasily.
Lezard: (*as Magus*) They sneak up behind you and violate you! Violently!!
No...the only things that can stand up to time disrupters are...BUTT PLUGS!!
Ramirez & Faye: 0_o;
Xelloss, Ayu & Ianthe: (*giggle insanely*)
>"Magus, Serge, Glenn, and my other friend Orlha defeated the Time Devourer,"
>Norris said strongly. "They can easily beat these three."
Ramirez: You haven't even met them yet. How can you know if your skills
are good enough to defeat them?
Ayu: Weren't you listening? He said that strongly. He can beat anyone!
Ramirez: (*facepalms, groaning*)
>Norris ran after his friends, and Magus followed.
>Serge, Karsh, and Glenn came to three statues. They were statues of the Time
Ianthe: If only I had some pigeons to sic on those suckers.
>Glenn read them left to right. "Ozzie" he said looking at the fat one.
>he said looking at the girl. "And. Harle?!" Glenn said surprised.
Ayu: So much for Slash.
>"Harle!" Serge said with excitement.
>Norris and Magus stood behind them now.
Ramirez: And delivered a fatal strike to the back of their heads.
>Orlha and Fargo were still out cold.
Ianthe: Well, that's what happens when you fall asleep in the snow.
>A man with blonde hair and a frog found
>them lying there and took them back to their hut that was on the island.
Faye: That's some frog.
Ianthe: (*very obscure*) Soon the smell of roasted frog filled the room.
>Orlha woke up first. She saw the blonde man first.
>"Dario?!" She said surprised.
Faye: (*as Orlha*) What are you doing with that tube of KY jelly?! And
why are you wearing nothing but a thong?!
Lezard: (*covers his eyes*) AUGH!! That was NOT an image I needed, thank you!!
Faye: (*cackles and, getting up, high-fives the other girls*)
>"How do you know my name?" He said.
>"We've met, you just don't know it," Orlha said.
Ramirez: (*as Dario*) Don't start your mind games with me, girl!
>"Well, this is Glenn," Dario said pointing to the frog. "Who are you?"
>"I'm Orlha and this is Fargo," Orlha introduced.
>Fargo sat up quickly. "What happened?!"
Ramirez: That's what we'd like to know.
Ianthe: (*as Dario*) You died. Game over!
Faye: (*as Orlha*) No...I thought I was taking a nap!!
>"Fargo, we lost the others, this is Dario and Glenn, and hopefully
they can help
>us find our way back," Orlha said.
Faye: (*as Dario*) No, sorry. We can't navigate ourselves out of a paper bag.
>"Hi mate," Fargo said.
>Fargo and Orlha stood up, "We are going to find our friends, would you like to
>come?" Orlha offered.
>"Sure," Glenn said.
>Glenn and Dario stood up.
Ayu: (*beginning to nod off*) So... boring....
Lezard: (*as Orlha*) We're going on a picka-nick! Would you like to come along?
Xelloss: (*as Glenn*) Why, I'd love to! What sort of picnic is it?
Lezard: (*as Orlha*) Why, it's a picnic of (*switch to demonic voice*) YOUR DEATH!!
>Ok im not done yet, please R and R, its not my first fan fic, I made
a Legend of
>Dragoon fan fic and I got rave reviews. I hope this one is just as good.
Ianthe: Ewww. Legend of Dragoon. That's not a good sign.
Ayu: "Rave" reviews? Oh, that explains it. They were all stoners.
Ramirez: Hey, it's over. You'd never have noticed.
ENTRY SEQUENCE...IN REVERSE!
DOOR 6: A regular door, only without a doorknob. Xelloss shrugs and blows it apart with his nifty Mazoku powers.
DOOR 5: Vast double doors sealed with powerful magic. Lezard invokes a power word to get them open.
DOOR 4: A castle gate guarded by two lonely mooks. Faye uses her “feminine wiles” to get past ‘em.
DOOR 3: The entryway to an airship. Ramirez, tired of all this bullshit, Silver Eclipses it into six separate pieces.
DOOR 2: Boughs of trees blocking their way. Being a ranger, Ianthe manages to talk them into moving out the way.
DOOR 1: Vast, Victorian-style double doors inscribed with the English letters, “M E S S I A H”, going around in a circle. Ayu gets pissed and tells them to stop stealing her original ideas, and they hastily open at risk of a lawsuit.
(*as the riffers return, Hojo is waiting for them, his face on a giant screen*)
Hojo: I'll get straight to the point. How badly scarred are you, my puppets?
Ianthe: I wish you just talked to us audio only like in the theatre. I hate looking at your face.
Hojo: Answer the question!! And be truthful. This is science. (*creepy smile*)
(*the riffers look at each other and shrug*)
Faye: Very boring.
Lezard: Inconsistent with the plot.
Xelloss: Plot? What plot?
Ayu: Now, now, despite our comments, it wasn't a yaoi.
Xelloss: Oh, that wasn't how I meant it... In any case, it seemed very contrived. "Let's walk through the Frozen Flame, which disappeared at the end of the game!"
Ianthe: (*joining in*) "Oh, gee! There's Magus! How about that!"
Ayu: "Whoops! We left Kid behind a year ago! Better go get her now!"
Ramirez: It was poorly written, and as such remarkably uninteresting. I would have had a better time playing duel monsters again with Ayu.
Ayu: (*sharply*) Hey!!
Ramirez: Well, it's true.
Ayu: (*regards Ramirez curiously, but doesn't comment further*)
Hojo: (*tugging at hair, frowning severely*) Another failure? Well, let's see what the continuation of the story will do to you...
Ayu: If it's more of this same boring crap, not much.
Ianthe: I'm gonna slit my throat!!
Ayu: (*smacks Ianthe in the face*) Quiet, you!!
Ianthe: Ow... ;_;
Hojo: I'll have to find even better material, then! But as I research, I think I'll have you continue with the next installment of The Pendant, to give me time to find something truly brainrending!
Ramirez: (*makes a face*) Ugh.
Xelloss: (*pats him on the back*) There, there.
Ramirez: (*glacial tone*) Don't Touch Me.
Xelloss: ^_^;;; Hai....
Hojo: I'll have to find something horribly devastating for you, Trickster Priest! But until then...Cloud! Close communications!!
Cloud: My existence sucks. (*hits the button*)
Ok: Disclaimer time!!
We do not own several of the characters used in the fic. All Chrono Cross characters belong to Squaresoft. Xelloss and everyone else are owned by their respective owners.
We also do not own the fic being riffed. It belongs to Glenn393. Since we did not ask first, let us know if you want us to take down the riffing. We're nice people (really!); we can work something out. Just be polite, and we will, too.
The whole concept of Mystery Science Theatre is copyright Best Brains, Inc.
We do, however, own ourselves. Do not use us without our permission.
>"Do you want us to go through Luccia?" Orlha asked.