In a yet undetermined time
I can't tell when it would be!
There were a bunch of people
Quite different from you and me!
None of them were from the same universe,
And normally they would never converse,
But circumstances being what they are,
Hojo stole them from their homes and sent them in the sky so far!
(Hojo) I'll send them stupid fanfics,
The worst that I can find! (La la la!)
I'll make them sit and read them all
And experiment on their minds! (La la la!)
Now keep in mind they can't control
Where the fanfics begin or end. (La la la!)
They'll just have to try and retain their sanity
With the jokes that they make!
Hojo: That doesn't rhyme, you know...
Ayu: Shut up, ratboy!
(*music starts up again*)
RIFFER ROLL CALL!
Ianthe! ("Make...the hurting...stop!")
Lezard Valeth! ("Open the gates of Niflheim!")
Xelloss! ("Sore ha himitsu desu! <3")
Faaaaaaaaye! ("Men are such idiots.")
If you're wondering how they survive up there,
And other science facts, (La la la!)
Shut the hell up, we were really bored one day,
So you'd better try and relax!
'Cause it's Yet Another Bad MST3K Ripoff! (*guitar riff*)
(*on the Satellite of Amore, Lezard is hanging around, alone, on the
Lezard: Mmm...there's Venus...ah, my lovely Venus...if only you were to shine more brilliantly for my beloved Valkyrie and me...
Xelloss: (*appears*) Are you having fun?
Lezard: Oh, hello, Xelloss. (*shrugs*) Somewhat.
Xelloss: Say, I was wondering, Lezard. Are you...just straight? Or are you open to...new possibilities? (*touching Lezard's ass*)
Lezard: (*stares at Xelloss and moves out of his reach*) I'm quite straight, thank you! ...What the hell are you getting at?
Xelloss: Aww. I was just wondering, since I'm bored and you're cute.
Lezard: .... You really are a fruitcake. (*keeping his distance*)
Xelloss: ^_^ Ramirez said that, too. Well, actually, he didn't say anything, per se, he just stabbed me.
Lezard: Why can't you just go after women like normal people?
Xelloss: Oh, I do.
Lezard: Oh, so you're a bisexual demon. (*sarcastic*) How nice.
Xelloss: ^_^ Twice as many shots at a date Saturday night! Not like you'd know, never having been on a date.... <.<
Lezard: (*not amused*) Let's not bring my social life into this.
Xelloss: Seriously, though, have you ever even scored? Or are you still a cherry?
Lezard: (*covers ears*) Not listening, not listening....
Xelloss: Aww, how cute, the necromancer's a virgin! ^_^
Lezard: (*seriously pissed*) I am NOT a virgin!
Xelloss: Of course you aren't ^_^
Lezard: .... (*calming down again*)
Xelloss: So, have you and Faye... (*gestures suggestively*) Or has she (like every other woman who has ever existed) resisted your..."charms"?
Lezard: (*gives him a look*) ... I just haven't succeeded yet.
Xelloss: (*smirks*) You haven't succeeded in seducing a woman who dresses like a whore?
Faye: (*icy voice, from behind them*) WHO dresses like a whore, demon?!
Xelloss: (*turns around*) Oh, hello, Faye! We were just discussing you! ^_^
Faye: (*glares at Xelloss, then Lezard*) And what the HELL is this about "seducing" me?!
Lezard: Ah... well.... It's inevitable that a woman such as yourself would want to sleep with a handsome, charming fellow such as myself, and we were just discussing that fact.
Faye: (*pulls out her six-shooter and shoots them both through the head; it does no damage, but it makes her feel better, and she stalks off, passing Ramirez, who looks back at her quizzically*)
Ramirez: ? (*looks ahead, sees Lezard and Xelloss*) Oh. That explains everything.
Xelloss: (*giggling maniacally*) "Handsome, charming fellow"?! What the hell are you SMOKING, necromancer?!
Lezard: It's true! I am the sort of man that women desire!
Xelloss: (*falls to the floor, laughing his ass off*)
Ramirez: Is that why Ianthe refuses to sit next to you in the theatre?
Lezard: She just doesn't appreciate a good man when she sees one.
Ramirez: Not to mention that Ayu just laughs whenever you proposition her.
Lezard: None of the women understand what they're missing.
Xelloss: I think they understand perfectly well what they're missing. ^___^
Lezard: (*glares at him*) No one asked you!
Ramirez: Let him be, demon, the necromancer wants to stay in denial.
Lezard: (*glares at him, too, mutters*) You'll regret this, Silvite (*exits deck*)
Xelloss: (*up and has an arm around Ramirez's shoulders*) Soo...how 'bout that Haruka and Michiru poster?
Ramirez: (*stabs Xelloss through the chest*)
Ramirez: Don't. Touch. Me.
Xelloss: What, you mean like this? (*gropes Ramirez in a very politically incorrect place*)
Ramirez: (*face flushes, pulls sword out of Xelloss' chest and attacks him with it*) DIE!
Xelloss: (*in between deftly dodging Ramirez's attacks*) No - I - think - I - rather - won't - today ^_^
(*fortunately for.... the satellite, the lights and sirens announcing the sending of a fic go off*)
Ramirez: (*screams*) DAMN IT ALL!!!
Xelloss: Whee! Saved by the hell! (*dashes off*)
Ramirez: (*grumbles*) Kill them all... (*stalks off to the theatre*)
DOOR 1: Huge double doors inscribed with kanji reading “Kyuu Sei Shu”. Ayu uses her divine Author powers to open them.
DOOR 2: An elven-style stone door a la the one to the Mines of Moria in LotR. Ianthe says “friend in Elvish”, causing it to grind open.
DOOR 3: A door inscribed with the six Moons of the Arcadia world. Ramirez uses the Silver Crystal in his left hand to trigger the power to open them.
DOOR 4: Prison bars. Faye uses one of her high-tech secret gadgets to pick the lock.
DOOR 5: A hideous door composed of decomposing bodies. Lezard uses his necromancy to get them to shuffle out of the way.
DOOR 6: A regular door, only without a doorknob. Being the only one who hasn’t done anything, Xelloss pries it open with his staff.
[ Ianthe | Xelloss | Ayu | Lezard | Faye | Ramirez ]
>The black knight
Ayu: (*as Black Knight*) THE BLACK KNIGHT ALWAYS TRIUMPHS!! I AM INVINCIBLE!!
Ramirez: You’re a loony.
Lezard: And he wasn't even speaking as King Arthur.
>Chapter 1:The dragon
Faye: I guess there’ll be a dragon in this, then.
>I have been waiting for several days now, waiting for Minsc. My name is Abel.
Faye: (*as Abel*) And I'm...an alcoholic.
Everyone But Ianthe: (*chorusing*) Hi, Abel.
Ianthe: (*stares at fic*) Oh hell. It's my world...
>I have been trained as a warrior and a priest.
>Minsc is a bit pig-headed but is a good fighter. I heard the door open.
>It is the bartender. "Sir! Sir! A man has come to see you!"
Lezard: (*as bartender*) Something about a million gold gambling debt!
Faye: (*as Abel*) Aw, shit.... (*pantomimes running away*)
>I headed to the door, arming myself in case. I opened the door....
Ianthe: ...To see Jon Irenicus, who then killed everyone with his mad magic. The End. Please make it stop.
>"Minsc my old friend. How are you?"
>"Never better" Minsc said. I then noticed something in his pocket.
Lezard: (*starts laughing*)
Faye: Don’t start.
>"What is that?"
>"Oh, you mean Boo? He is a giant space hamster."
Xelloss: How does a giant space hamster fit in one's pocket?
Ianthe: I believe it was 'miniature giant space hamster'.... don't ask.
>For a moment I didn't know what to say. A giant space hamster!
>I think he might have banged his head.
Ayu: Gee, ya think?
>"Er...hello Boo...How are you?"
>" Ah, Boo like you!"
>"Come in Minsc. I'll tell the bartender to bring up his best rum!"
Ianthe: Rum? Rum tastes funny...
>Just then, the inn started shacking.
Ayu: Shacking? What?
>We were used to earthquakes but this was no earthquake.
>Suddenly, the roof was torn off. Whatever did that, it was after us!"
>"IT'S A DRAGON!" The bartender shouted, stating the obvious.
Ianthe: IT’S A GUNDAM!
Lezard: And then they all died, and the story was over. Thank god.
Xelloss: Not as dark as usual.
Lezard: Why bother for this piece of crap?
Xelloss: Hmm, a valid point.
>That was the last thing we heard from the bartender a s he was eaten
faster than you could say
>"Oh my god!"
Ramirez: Why is the dragon attacking a bar?
Lezard: Forget that, how did the dragon get to the bar without being noticed first?
>"I'll distract him while you climb up and stab his heart".
Ianthe: (*falls out of her seat laughing*)
>It was something that now sounded insane.
>Me, versus a dragon! I first got its attention by cutting off his claw.
Ayu: (*as dub Gourry*) See, it's a drag-on, get it? So I figured
marring it in any way would make it lose its will to fight!
Faye: Please don't quote dubs. It sickens me.
Ianthe: How's he cutting off the claw, anyway? He's can't use swords, he's partially a cleric...
Ayu: But he's partially a fighter, too.
Ianthe: The fic's written for Second Edition!
Hojo's Voice: YOU BROKE THE THIRD WALL AGAIN! FRY! (*zaps Ianthe, who twitches spastically*)
>It yelled in agony
Xelloss: (*cheesily*) Aiiiieeee...aaaaahhh.....
>but then it slashed at me. I raised my shield just in time but the
force of the blow was enough
>to send me flying. It poised to strike at me. CHOP!
Ayu: Oooh, such onomatopoeia. I've quivering.
>It was Minsc. He slammed his two-handed sword into the dragons' neck.
>He slashed again, more and more, until the dragon was dead.
Lezard: Because, you know, slaying dragons is just as easy as it looks.
Ramirez: Why didn't the dragon use its breath weapon? There's a reason it has that.
Ayu: It's a Stupid-Looking Dragon, like from RPG World.
>"Well.... At least we'll have plenty of meat for later," Minsc said.
>After recovering from the attack I noticed a small black disc, near the dragons head.
Xelloss: (*as Abel*) Score! My CD-of-the-Month has arrived! Pity about the deliveryman, though.
>It glowed with a magic aura. I touched the disc.
>Soon enough, the area was filled with an emerald green light.
Faye: It's not just any green light! It's an emerald green light!
>Chapter 2: The 3 Challenges
>An image of a man appeared in the light. The man looked like he was mutated.
Faye: Now that's not very nice! (*glances over at Lezard, then looks
back*) It's just a necromancer.
>The image spoke. "You have been selected
>for the 3 challenges. You have completed the 1st of the 3 challenges.
>Travel to the Icewind Mountain near Baldurs gate."
Ianthe: (*twitches*) The only thing named ‘Icewind’ is Icewind Dale!
And that’s thousands of miles north of Baldur’s Gate!
Ayu: Also, why not just spell out "three" instead of typing the number? That's just being lazy.
>The image faded into nothing. The magical green light faded and the
black disc faded into nothing.
>"MINSC! GET OVER HERE!"
Xelloss: (*as Minsc*) Yes, Master!
>"We have to travel to the Icewind Mountains near baldurs gate."
Ianthe: (*twitches, but says nothing*)
>"Fine .... Er.... How come?"
>"We have been selected for the Black Knight challenges."
>"Lets get going. I heard it is an honour to be selected."
>On our way to the mountains a gang of orcs ambushed us.
Ayu: (*yawns*) How cliche. They're just orcs.
>They were no match for us since they were basic foot soldiers.
>We finally reached the Icewind Mountains.
Ianthe: After months of travel, I suppose.
>"What was that Minsc?"
>"I don't know... but there it is!"
>It was a band of elite gnolls. Gnolls are half man and half wolf.
Ianthe: That’s HYENA. Gnolls are hyena-like demi-humans.
Ramirez: What do we need a description for, anyway? That's what we have Ianthe around for.
Ayu: That's right!
Lezard: Oh, stop it, you two, you're confusing her.
Xelloss: (*Chichiri voice*) Kantan na no da ^_^
>They were armed to the teeth. We forced them to split up into two groups.
>It was good we were wearing our strongest armour.
>Minsc was enjoying himself until he was grazed and that was when he went bezerk!!
Faye: Bezerk? That should be berserk. And besides, what kind of berserker
goes nuts after getting a wound equivalent to a kitten's scratch?
Ayu: (*in fake agonized voice*) My kitty!!
>He turned the gnolls into cold cuts.
>"DIE STUPID PONCY WOLF THINGS!"
Ianthe: They’re not… oh, I give up.
>He shouted at the top of his voice. He looked exhausted after that.
>We heard a creaking, cracking sound below us just before we fell through.
>After what seemed like an eternity of falling we landed...
Ramirez: Unfortunately for them, it had been an eternity, and the moment
their feeble bodies hit the ground, they exploded with a wet thud, spraying
the walls with their blood and sending the already decaying organs across
the stone floor.
Everyone Else: (*inch away from Ramirez, slightly*) ....
>right beside a few other people. We were in a room, which looked like an altar to chaos itself.
Xelloss: WOOHOO! Chaos!!
>We looked around, looking for where the voice was coming from.
>"TIME FOR YOU TO DIE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!"
Ianthe: (*as voice*) YOU! INVADERS! GET YOU THE HOT BULLETS OF SHOTGUN
Lezard: Ahhh, Engrish. Who says monkeys can't translate Japanese into English?
>A man, clad in armour, riding a chaos steed appeared in the altar.
>He was carrying a 3-foot sword and a large magical shield.
>We then noticed a pile of bodies beside him - probably the mother challengers.
Ianthe: (*blinks*) What?
Lezard: You heard the fic. The mother challengers.
>He charged at us, we had to dodge him since that sword can easily cut
through armour. I
>took out my sling but I didn't even come close to hitting him.
Faye: (*sarcastic*) Oh, yes. A sling versus a man in full armor. How could he have dodged your fierce and deadly attack?
>Minsc slashed at him cutting off his arm. It looks like the final challenge has begun.
Ramirez: Is it just me or did none of that make any sense?
Faye: It's just random rambling! What the hell kind of fanfic IS this?!
Xelloss: A bad one, of course. Otherwise we wouldn't be here suffering through it.
>Chapter 3: The final challenge
>As quick as Minsc had cut his arm off, his shoulder started to pump, harder and harder,
>harder still then his arm reformed.
Faye: OH, GOD. (*covers her eyes with her hands*) Bad images...
>We were stunned. How could he do that?
>The next thing I knew the Knight was chanting some strange words.
>"YOSHO, LIBRA, NEKARA!"
Ramirez: (*as Knight*) Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu! Souryuusen!!
Ianthe: How do you know that?
Ramirez: We have records of the kenjutsu known as Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu at the Great Silver Shrine.
Ayu: This explains why Ramirez kicks so much ass for such a young swordsman.
Ianthe: It makes sense. In a weird sort of way, it makes sense...
Faye: What are you people talking about?
Xelloss: Oro? @_@
(*all fall down laughing*)
Lezard: (*wiping glasses, still giggling*) Good one, Xelloss...
Xelloss: ^_^ It's all about the timing ^_^
>Skeletons appeared from beneath us. They were easy to hack to bits.
>Fun too. He charged at me. I was ready this time. HACK! Off came his head.
>The next thing I knew he picked up his own head and placed it on his neck.
Lezard: The advantages of not having to worry about silly things like bleeding or breathing.
>"YOU FOOLS, I AM UNDEAD!"
>"Shoot" I said.
Xelloss: (*as Black Knight*) Okay. (*pantomimes pulling out gun and shooting Abel dead*)
>Just then the Black Knight charged towards Minsc, and just then, his
blade connected with Minsc.
>I was filled with anger. I could not stand for what he had done. My best friend, My ally.
Xelloss: (*as Abel*) My butt buddy.
Ianthe: Damn! You beat me to it.
Xelloss: Timing, my dear, timing ^_^
>I swung at the Knight, smashing his chaos steed in two, and hacking off his legs.
>"NOW YOU WILL KNOW THE HORROR!"
Ramirez: ...of this fic.
>I thrust my sword into his chest, impaling his heart.
Lezard: Of course, he's already dead. That won't do much to stop him.
>As I did that he dissipated, and then the altar started to collapse.
>I grabbed Minsc and carried him to safety. It was lucky Minsc only sustained a flesh wound.
Ianthe: (*as Minsc, a la Monty Python*) 'Tis but a scratch!
Xelloss: (*English accent*) Your arm's off!!
>After a few days Minsc was back to full strength.
>"What now?" Minsc said.
>"I heard Wyvrens have just come into season."
Ayu: There's a season for wyverns?
>"Oh yeah, the mayor of this town will pay for wyvren heads."
>"Great, lets get going."
>So, after our encounter with the Black Knight the challenges were finished.
>I also heard that wyvrens taste nice with applesauce.
Ramirez: THAT'S IT!!! DIE, RANDOM POINTLESS FANFIC OF NO SENSE!!!
Ayu: WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA! (*grabs Ramirez and holds him back before he can get his destruction on*) Don't you remember what happened the last time you trashed the theater?! Do you want your room to disappear with you in it this time?!
Ramirez: I DON'T CARE!! IT'LL BE WORTH IT!! (*struggling*)
Ianthe: (*dazed*) ....That was....
Faye: It's over! It's over!! Now LET ME OUT BEFORE I START SHOOTING PEOPLE!!
(*everyone leaves, Ayu dragging Ramirez*)
ENTRY SEQUENCE...IN REVERSE!
DOOR 6: A regular door, only without a doorknob. Xelloss shrugs and blows it apart with his nifty Mazoku powers.
DOOR 5: Vast double doors sealed with powerful magic. Lezard invokes a power word to get them open.
DOOR 4: A castle gate guarded by two lonely mooks. Faye uses her “feminine wiles” to get past ‘em.
DOOR 3: The entryway to an airship. Ramirez, tired of all this bullshit, Silver Eclipses it into six separate pieces.
DOOR 2: Boughs of trees blocking their way. Being a ranger, Ianthe manages to talk them into moving out the way.
DOOR 1: Vast, Victorian-style double doors inscribed with the English letters, “M E S S I A H”, going around in a circle. Ayu gets pissed and tells them to stop stealing her original ideas, and they hastily open at risk of a lawsuit.
(*the riffers enter the main deck*)
Ayu: (*still dragging Ramirez*) Well, that was a close call.
Ayu: Dammit, I need a nap.
Ramirez: Sleep on the couch.
Ayu: What? Why?
Ramirez: So I can kill you in your sleep.
Ayu: Ah, I see. Will you sleep with me?
Ramirez: Why would I do that?
Ayu: I don't want to die a virgin.
Lezard: I can help you with that...
Ayu: Quiet, talking to the sexy bishounen.
Lezard: I'm a sexy bishounen!
Everyone But Lezard: (*busts up laughing*)
(*the air of joviality ends when the Hojo's image shows up on the large screen*)
Hojo: Well, hello, my little clones! How was the latest experiment?
Ayu: Another exercise in stupidity and pointlessness, slightly reminiscient of The Black Rose. Poorly written, poorly thought out.
Lezard: Poorly thought out is being too polite for this fic.
Faye: It was trash. I don't know who those people were supposed to be, but I couldn't have cared less about any of them.
Ramirez: It was annoying. It was stupid. It was nonsensical. I have no desire to waste any more time on it. (*elbows Xelloss*) Hurry up and say something that can be vaguely construed as constructive criticism so we can stop looking at his rattish face.
Xelloss: This is constructive criticism?
Ramirez: Shut up and say something.
Xelloss: Hmm, shut up and say something. You don't ask for much, do you?
Ayu: Xelloss, throw in your two cents lessen I beat you mightily.
Xelloss: Oh, all right. (*pulls a couple of coins from his hip bag and throws them at the screen*) There, Hojo, my two cents.
Ayu: ....Bah, that's good enough.
Ianthe: ... (*smiles at Hojo, sweetly*) Do you want to know what I thought?
Hojo: Oh, yes! And be as honest as possible--this is for the sake of science, after all.
Ianthe: (*draws sword, and plunges it into the screen*) That's what I thought.
Ramirez: Simple, yet eloquent. Shut off communications, too.
Ianthe: (*beams at Ramirez*) Is that a compliment?
Ramirez: Construe it whatever way you like. Now retrieve your sword before the Satellite eats it.
Ianthe: (*struggles with the Satellite for her sword, but inevitably loses it*) Oh. Oh well. (*opens nearby cabinet, pulls out an exact copy of her sword*) Yay, Windrender VI!
Lezard: (*leers at Ianthe*) I'll rend your wind...
Girls: (*bust up laughing*)
Faye: "I'll rend your wind"? What the fuck kind of pick-up line is that?
Ayu: A very bad one!
(*the girls collapse into laughter again*)
Xelloss: Verily, you have them melting into putty due to your infinite wit, Lezard. ^___^
Lezard: (*sulking*) Fuck you.
Xelloss: Well, normally, I wouldn't, but since you insist... (*gropes Lezard*)
Lezard: (*eyes widen, steps away*) I told you, I'm not interested! Do it again, and you'll die!
Xelloss: Oh, silly Lezard, you're such a tease. (*smiles at Ramirez*)
Ramirez: Say one word and I'll kill you.
Ayu: (*Heero/Ramirez voice*) Omae wo korosu!
Ianthe and Faye: (*killing themselves laughing*)
Ianthe: (*gasping*) Please.... can't breathe.....
Faye: (*doubled over, laughing*) Oh god....
Lezard: ....Screw you all, I'm leaving. (*stalks off*)
Ianthe: (*wipes tears away*) ...Ha.... you think we'll regret this?
Ayu: (*having trouble getting her breathing under control*)
Faye: (*managing to calm down*) Who cares? Lezard'll never get laid no matter what he does, so us making fun of him like this doesn't really matter in the long run...
Ayu: (*gasping a bit*) Oh, I disagree... I think Faye and Lezard make a very sexy couple...
Faye: (*blushes*) What?! Me and that lech?!
Ayu: The alternative is continuing to lust after a man with whom you have absolutely no chance... Oh wait, never mind. I forgot that women like you hate going after the "desperate and available" guys and want only the "aloof and taken" guys.
Ianthe: As for me, I'm not interested in him at all. Personally, I'm more worried about being used for experiments by him. Good thing he doesn't know I'm a half-elf.
Xelloss: Why does that matter?
Ayu: He has an elf fetish. It'd be gross.
Xelloss: Somehow I get the feeling you're lying to me.
Ayu: Well, you would use the real reason as blackmail.
Xelloss: So it doesn't matter if I tell Lezard-kun that Ianthe-san is a half-elf?
Ayu: That's Ianthe's problem, not mine...
Ianthe: Er... I'd rather not... have him know.
Xelloss: What will you give me to keep me from telling him?
Ramirez: I wouldn't worry about it. There's no chance that Lezard would believe Xelloss, of all people, anyway.
Ianthe: Besides, I don't have anything I can give you. I have nothing valuable on me.
Xelloss: How about crazy winged half-elf sex? ^_^ It might be fun ^_^ And it'd definitely have great kink factor ^__^
Faye: Xelloss, I hope to God that you're just kidding.
Ianthe: .... .... ....No.
Xelloss: (*laughs pleasantly*) Of course I'm just kidding. Everyone knows my lust is saved for one person alone ^_^
Ayu: Really? Who?
Xelloss: (*waggles a finger*) That is a secret!
Ayu: .....I really should have seen that coming. No, really, I should have.
Ianthe: (*gets up off floor, leans against wall*) So, now what? We wait for Hojo to send another fic, whenever that might be?
Ayu: Fuck that. I'm up for some Ultimate Pong! Dibs on Ramirez!
Ayu: (*glomps onto Ramirez's arm*) In short, you're my Pong partner!
Ramirez: (*starting to blush*) W-wait! You can't just decide these arbitrary things without asking me first!
Ayu: Yes I can. I can also give you tits and a pussy if you piss me off, because I have god-like powers. I recommend that you do as I say without complaint lessen you find yourself lacking that which makes you a man.
Ramirez: (*stares at her*) W-what?
Ianthe: (*shrugs*) Eh, I'm up for it. Faye, Xelloss? Either of you interested?
Xelloss: Ultimate Pong sounds like fun ^_^ I'll be your partner again, Ianthe-san. Faye-san, it seems like you don't have a partner in that case, though...
Faye: Damn. I'll be referee, then. I guess it's only natural, since Lezard and I kicked your ass last time we played. (*smirks*)
Xelloss: ^_^; Hai, hai...
(*the riffers leave, heading for the virtual pong area, leaving the main deck in cold, cold silence*)
Cloud: .... (*staring*) That sure was...interesting.
Hojo: (*taking notes like mad*) That was WONDERFUL! They interacted without realizing that we could still see them! What a breakthrough for my research!!
Cloud: I thought you were studying the effects of bad fanfiction on their brains, though.
Hojo: SILENCE, CLONE!! Now to compile my observations... (*starts walking off, muttering to himself*) Oh, and Cloud, don't forget to close communications on this side!
Cloud: (*mutters*) Stupid fuck... (*pushes the com button*)
Ok: Disclaimer time!!
We do not own several of the characters used in the fic. All Baldur's Gate characters (that are not original) and references belong to Black Isle/Interplay, and any/all Forgotten Realms stuff belongs to WotC/TSR. Xelloss and everyone else are owned by their respective owners.
We also do not own the fic being riffed. It belongs to DeathdroidMK3. Since we did not ask first, let us know if you want us to take down the riffing. We're nice people (really!); we can work something out. Just be polite, and we will, too.
The whole concept of Mystery Science Theatre is copyright Best Brains, Inc.
We do, however, own ourselves. Do not use us without our permission.
Oh, and the Haruka/Michiru poster is a weird in-joke. We'll explain it, someday...
>"I'll distract him while you climb up and stab his heart".